The Painting
by graystephen93
Summary: Will he ever admit how he feels? Another angsty post 7.10 fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so I was going to wait until I had finished this story but seeing as there hasn't been much fic updates I said I'd fire what I have up now!  
** **Here's the first two chapters. I have a clear enough idea of how and where I want the story to progress. It will be more drawn out than my last one because I want to keep it as realistic as possible. Hope to introduce a character or two that we don't get to see enough of in the show, which will provide pivotal Donna-Harvey development! :) Will update soon. Thanks for reading** **and god bless your patient Darvey hearts!**

* * *

 _Chapter One: Donna_

She had finally acted on those unresolved feelings that have been a constant presence in her life since she met Harvey Specter. Burning a hole in her heart for years now. Any longer and it would have killed her. Kissing him wasn't an act of passion or even compassion. It was for her. Probably the third thing shes ever done for herself in their entire 13 year friendship. She had to know if there was something there. For her own sanity. _Was it all just for nothing? All this time has there really been nothing there? Do I love him?_ Now she knew. _No. No. Yes._

She realised next that she would have to think about how he had reacted to her kiss. She never expected him to lean in, to let it happen. She was convinced he would pull away. So now instead of just knowing how it made her feel, she unintentionally discovered how he may feel deep inside too. After all this time. However, this does not excite her. It does not trick her into thinking Harvey is ready to run off into the sunset with her. No. Not at all. He would be shocked then angry, that much she knew. He would either ignore what had happened for as long as humanly possible or come knocking one night, demanding answers and apologies. She didn't know which response she would prefer. _And she_ _is not going to apologise_ _for who she is._

It was relieving to know that after all this time it wasn't just her. She hadn't fabricated an invisible romance in her head. It wasn't unrequited after all. A man as loyal as Harvey would not let a kiss like that even begin, let alone allow it to last until she pulled away.

Although his current relationship status wasn't on the forefront of her mind in the adrenaline-fueled moments leading up to the kiss, it sure was now. _I didn't expect him to kiss me back.. He'll hate me for this.. His mother.._ Before she let the guilt take over her entire mind and body, she shook those nagging voices from her head. _Harvey needs a wake up call. If this doesn't do that, nothing will._

Remembering that she left her belongings in her office, which he was probably still standing in, she decided to take the elevator down to the IT floor. Knowing Harvey never steps foot in the place. Almost all of the main lights were off as everyone had gone home. Everyone except Benjamin. He was at the bottom of the room in his small office filled with flashing lights and wires and expensive computer equipment.

When Donna noticed he was there she smiled before lightly tapping on the glass door of his room. She was glad to cross paths again, having not seen much of him in the past few months since their business endeavour went south. He didn't have anything to do with the harsh, unforgiving working environment of Pearson Specter Litt's 50th floor. Just a sweet, social outcast with a gift for anything technological.

"Donna?" he murmered, looking up from the half-eaten Egg McMuffin tightly held in his left hand, tapping away on the keyboard with his right.

"Hi Benjamin." she said in an almost whisper.

"Didn't expect to see you down here anymore." he added, freeing up both hands to look at her.

"Why is that?" she questioned, raising her voice slightly.

"You're the COO now." he proudly stated, "You don't have time to be visiting the likes of me?"

"Benjamin! I'll _always_ have time for you. We may not be business partners anymore, but I'd hope that doesn't mean we can't still be friends?" she defended warmly.

"Of course not Donna. We can be friends." he said in that monotone voice of his.

Although he wasn't an exceptional people person like her, the popular extrovert, they understood each other. They had both spent years working their bones off at PSL without getting the recognition they deserved.

"So, what brings you all the way down here then ..friend?" he quizzed, "Hardware troubles? Or does your software need an update 'cause I can do that for you now if you like?" He eagerly rose from his chair.

Any other day she would tease him with dirty tech innuendos that she knew he would pretend not to understand. But not today. She wasn't feeling particularly humorous.

"No, Benjamin." she chuckled lightly, "I just needed to get away. Somewhere peaceful. Where nobody will find me."

He sat back down, "Well you came to the right place. Nothing but peace down here at this time of night." he confirmed, an awkward smile taking over his face.

Benjamin couldn't help but notice how forlorn she seemed, for such a usually spirited soul. He wanted to ask if everything was alright but he couldn't get it out. Even though he had tremendous admiration for Donna, he found it hard to talk emotions, with anyone.

She could almost see those thoughts rolling around in his head and laughed to herself. _Another man that's too afraid to ask me how I feel._

She pulled up one of the spare swivel chairs standing dormant in his office to sit closer to him, "I just need a break from upstairs is all." she let out with a sigh, pointing to the ceiling.

He turned to her then, mustering up every empathetic cell in his body. Wanting to be more like the woman sat opposite him. Knowing how great she is at deciphering other people's feelings and responding appropriately, "Want to talk about it?" he asked, putting his desktop in sleep mode to show his interest in her. A small act coming from anyone else, but it felt oddly thoughtful coming from someone like him, who eats, sleeps and breaths computers.

"Not sure there's much I can say." she replied, placing her elbow on his desk and catching her chin with her palm, tapping it slightly with her dark nails. The very nails that were gliding through _his_ hair just moments earlier. Before sliding down to measure his perfect jawline. Making him jolt his head back ever so slightly in utter astonishment.

"The mighty Donna Paulsen with nothing to say? Highly doubt that." Benjamin said, interrupting her most recent memory, his tone getting sweeter by the second. She wondered if he'd been using 'The Donna' lately because he seemed slightly better at conversing now than he had before. Maybe the smart little machine had taught him a thing or two.

"Stranger things have happened, Ben." she joked, knowing he preferred to be called by his full-name. Slightly hoping that this would distract from the questions he was beginning to ask. Not fully sure if she herself was ready to talk about what had happened.

"Okay.. like what?" He wasn't giving up. He could see her eyes were hurting, badly.

Donna slouched back on the chair and put her feet up on the desk. Relaxing. Like she used to do as a secretary. But now, as COO, there seemed to be no time for downtime, "I kissed somebody that I shouldn't have kissed." she stated, staring into space, deep in thought.

"Why?" he asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"Why ..did I kiss him?" she uttered in response.

"Why ' _shouldn't'_ you have kissed him?" he corrected.

She pondered for a moment before coming up with a reply, "The answer to that _should be_ because he has a girlfriend ..but for some reason the answer that keeps coming back to me is ..because ..now things can never go back to the way they were."

Donna remembers the time she told Rachel that she hadn't slept with Harvey 'because you can never go back'. Even though she had actually slept with him and they did manage to go back to being friends. She found it amusing how, after having sex with one another over a decade ago now, they had been able to put that aside and work together again, remaining great friends in the process. But how now, after only kissing him, she felt like they could never go back to being purely platonic with each other again. Too much has been hinted at in the last few years, without actually being said. And that kiss was just confirmation, for them both, that she isn't happy with their relationship as it stands. She wants more. She needs more. And now it was clear, to them both, that that 'more' is not going to be filled with a job promotion.

"Well wasn't that much obvious when you thought about engaging in the kiss, Donna?" he questioned.

His bluntness caught her off guard for a moment before she realised the truth behind it. Reaffirming what she already knew. Things couldn't go back to normal now. But she was kind of glad at that. Things needed to change. She wanted them to change. No more being comfortable as buddies. _Best pals. Partners in crime_. Not unless it also came with another kind of label. _Girlfriend. Wife._ She was adamant that she did not want to spend another 13 years wondering if he loved her back. If there could have been something more.

"Yes, Benjamin. I guess it was.." she realised.

After a moment of him gazing at her and her gazing into space, he commented again, "Well then there's only one other question I can think of asking.." he said furrowing his brows, "Do you want to kiss him, again?"

She hated how quick the answer came into her head and tried to steer the conversation away from having to respond to his question, "Actually there's another question I can think of.."

"Does he want to kiss _you_..again?" Benjamin guessed, correctly.

Donna let out a silent laugh, just exhaling bursts of air from her nostrils, and smiled sadly. Her hands formed a subtle thumbs up towards Benjamin, "Bingo."

"Any man that doesn't have an immediate 'yes' answer to that question is a fool, Donna." he comforted, ignoring his own desire to reach out and take hold of her hand to show his support.

She took in her friends words and was glad that she had come here. He showed kindness when she needed it the most. His statement made her think of some of the men in her life who have loved her, and who she subconsciously pushed away, to focus on the one that didn't love her enough. So it seemed.

"Donna, if there's anything I can do for you, to help make you feel better, anything at all, you just say the words." he assured her.

"Actually.." she trailed off. "I left my coat and bag upstairs in my office. I don't wanna go back up there yet in case h-"

"He's there?"

She realised for the first time that Benjamin knew it was Harvey that they were referring to all this time. _He's not as clueless about relationships as I thought._

"Say no more Donna. I'll go right now, you can wait here and I'll be right back." He stood up rather rapidly, delighted with having something practical to help her with. Having reached his peak level of emotional support.

"Thank you, Benjamin." Donna smiled, before watching him take off like he was chasing an ice-cream truck, much to her amusement.

The redhead sat there quietly, more at peace with her soul in that moment, than she had been the entire last decade.

 _Either way,_ _I'll be alright_ , she thought.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two: Harvey_

Her lips had been surprise gift to his that night. One he hadn't asked for. Not with his words anyway. The man who had everything in the world that money could buy, had just received the best present he could have hoped for. Not that he was emotionally aware enough to realise that part, of course.

As soon as his shock had subsided and he gave in to deeper feelings, he embraced her touch. Her words afterwards were barely audible, almost completely drowned out by all the white noise screeching at his eardrum. Pounding on his brain. Which was now aflame with questions. Feelings. Memories.

He could feel his head turning to follow the fire that was steadily making its way out of the now claustrophobic office, spreading down through the hall. That was his heart trying to follow her before it was then inevitably smothered by his ever-rational mind, forcing him to stay put.

He couldn't for the life of him even remember why he had came into her office in the first place. Unable to think of anything. Anything but the feelings he had buried under her rule over a decade ago. But she had found where he had marked the spot 'X' and just dug up everything he had hidden away so very carefully. Old feelings were once again coming out from the shadows and he felt more like his younger self. Remembering the night they met. How she had caught his eye within seconds of seeing her. He could hardly wait to make a move on her. Little did he know what that night would lead to. Years of beautiful friendship. Then one night of passion. Then back to friends. _Until now._

Harvey tried his best to think of why she would do this. _Why now?_ He remembered back to moments earlier, walking into her office, how she had looked sitting on that window sill. Pale as a ghost. So forlorn and heavyhearted. Something had impacted her. Knocked the wind right out of her spirit. She wasn't herself.

Although he was clueless about many things in their relationship, he wasn't stupid enough not to think of the weeks and even days beforehand. How he had told her about him and Paula and she acted like she already knew. Before then returning his house key to him. _Had the news affected her more than she let on?_

Next on his tortured mind was Paula herself. But more worryingly, how he realised he only felt like running to her during moments of inner crisis. The woman was a comfort blanket to him. The one he found when he had lost Donna. And then tossed aside when he got her back. Only to pick it up again when Donna had blindsided him with the ambiguous _'more'_ that she wanted. _If he was with Paula, then he couldn't hurt Donna._ Ironically, that's exactly what being with Paula was doing to her.

Strangely, Harvey didn't feel much guilt about the kiss initially. He knew that he let it happen. He would have deepened it also hadn't she pulled away. It didn't feel exactly like cheating to him and he couldn't understand why. It was a kiss between two old friends. Donna wasn't some cheap fling he was having a secret affair with. If anything, sometimes he felt as if he was betraying Donna by being with Paula, knowing that she desperately wanted to talk about their relationship possibilities with him but he wouldn't let it happen. _If I just ignore it, it will go away and I can't hurt her then._ That same thought echoing throughout his brain. The idea of a relationship with her petrified him. Losing women after breakups came easy enough to him, _but Donna?_ How could he ever risk losing her? Now he wondered if all these years he has been making it worse by never fully addressing the issue.

He thought about his father then. And how all his life he has put so much energy into not being like his mother, when really all he had to do was be himself. Like his dad. A good man. An honest, loyal man. _Until tonight._ "Well, if she's the one, you'll know." His father's simple relationship advice he had given to his son many years ago. So straight-forward. Yet anything but. _Is she the one? Is that why all my relationships inevitably crumble?_

Harvey realised he was still standing in her office when he heard a slight creak in the doorway behind him. His body almost shut down. _I thought for sure she wouldn't come back yet? How long have I been standing here?_ He turned his head to the side before noticing an entirely different figure than the slim, attractive one he was expecting, almost hoping, to see. He spun around to observe Benjamin instead.

Not even hiding the confusion and disappointment on his face he blurted out, "If you're looking for Donna, she's not here kid." He didn't fully trust himself to say Benjamin in case that wasn't his name.

"Actually I came to.." uttered Benjamin quite nervously as he fidgeted on the spot before pointing to Donna's coat and bag.

Harvey looked at her belongings and then to Benjamin. Anger building up inside him for the first time that night, "Seriously? She went to you? Am I dreaming right now?" he spat out, bitterly.

"I uhh.." fumbled the young man.

"'I uhh' don't care! Now where is she?" demanded Harvey, slowly approaching Benjamin to try intimidate him.

"..D-Donna is my friend ..and I ..I'm not entirely sure she wants to see you now Mr. Specter. If ..if you don't mind I just want to get her stuff and go." he said, mustering up every last ounce of courage.

"Well you know what? You may think you're doing her justice by not telling me, or maybe it's cause you have a schoolboy crush on her? I don't know. And I don't _care_. But if you don't tell me where she is, _right now the hell now,_ you'll be out on your ass looking for another job by the morning!" Harvey shouted, knowing he was losing the run of himself. The thought of Donna running away from him to talk about their problems with the I.T guy of all people, unnerved him, a lot.

"In that case, it was a pleasure working here." said Benjamin steadily, looking Harvey right in the eye now.

Harvey turned his head and clenched his jaw, still not breaking eye contact. He wasn't really going to fire the man, if anything he admired his loyalty, and he knew what a great worker he was. Then it dawned on him where Benjamin spends most of his time working. _That is where Donna would be_. He grabbed her coat and bag and dashed out of the door before speaking again, "I got this, kid. Go home."

"Am I still employed then?" Benjamin called out unconfidently down the hallway.

Harvey barely caught his words as he marched towards the elevators, pressing the button repetitively until the doors flew open.

Jaws clenched, nostrils flared, blood boiling.


	3. Chapter 3

**So I completed Chapter 3 quicker than I thought. Hope y'all enjoy the tension cause what would these two be without a little (a lot of) angst?**

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 _Chapter Three: Harvey and Donna_

Harvey almost pried the silver doors open with his hands feeling as if they were taking forever to open by themselves. He pressed 38 hoping he had remembered the floor number correctly. He's used to just pressing no.50 every morning. As the doors stretched open he looked out, quite relieved yet anxious, now knowing he had gotten it right. The I.T department was unmissable once you were in it. Darker, especially at this time of night, not on par with the warmer theme found on the highest floors.

As he stepped out of the elevator he turned left, making his way into a room filled with computers and desks, remembering the time they had to come down here to seek Benjamin's assistance months prior. He saw Benjamin's office at the end of the large room which held the most light in the entire area, but was still dimly lit. As he made it to the doorway, bag and coat in hand, he saw her, her back facing him, legs up on the desk, looking quite relaxed. However, he couldn't see her face, lost in thought of her own.

His anger had subsided somewhat now that he had eyes on her and his initial plan to show up all guns blazing was tossed out the window. He didn't want to frighten her. Instead he gave a light tap on the glass door that was still open from Benjamin's earlier departure.

"Took you long enough, I was beginning to think you'd ran away with my th-" She was left voiceless when she had fully stood up and turned around. Now wide-eyed and mouth gaped. There was no Benjamin. All Harvey.

"I gave your little friend the night off." Harvey mocked, staring her down, making her somewhat uncomfortable. She didn't expect to see him at all that night so she wasn't one bit prepared, mentally or emotionally.

"Harvey look-" she began, not even knowing where she was going to finish.

"Seeing as he has been putting in so much overtime helping _yo_ _u_ with _you_ _r_ problems, I thought he deserved the night off.." he cut in, not yet sounding as warm as he wanted to. His inner feelings had never been so conflicted before.

"I know. You're mad. It's not like I went to him instead of staying to talk with you, he just happened to be down here. I needed somewhere to think it all through." She said as firmly as possible, trying to maintain control.

"Think what through exactly, Donna? ..What did you ' _just have to know'_?" he pleaded.

There was a momentary pause as she looked at him with a hopeless expression painted all over her snowy face, "Harvey if you're still clueless to that now, then what is the point in me saying it? I'd only be wasting my breath."

"Cause we NEVER god damn say it!" he cried out, releasing years of neglected anguish, "You act as if it's just me that skirts around the issue, and yes okay I hold my hands up I'm the bigger culprit than you, but don't pretend like we're not in on this together! So I think it's about damn time we sit this one through and finally come out on the same page, don't you?"

His sincerity shocked Donna. He wasn't as eager to run away this time as she had predicted he would be. She was exhausted though. She collapsed back into the chair with a sigh, causing Harvey to jerk forward, afraid she might faint.

"I'm fine." she whispered, waving him off so he would back up again.

"Alright Harvey, you wanna talk? No avoiding questions and no walking away until we both know what we want? Let's be adults about this, for a change."

"Sounds good to me. I'll go first." he said, trying his best to take control of the situation, so he wouldn't come out blindsided, again.

Donna nodded, fixing herself more comfortably into her chair in anxious anticipation of his inquisition. Harvey positioned the spare chair directly opposite her before sitting down and leaving her belongings on the floor next to him.

"What did you have to know? What did ..kissing me ..help you figure out?" He was half afraid to hear the answer. Not wanting it to be that she isn't in love with him after all. And also petrified that it would be the opposite. His stomach was doing somersaults that made his head feel lighter.

It was time for facts. Donna was anxious and hesitant before her countering admission, "Whether or not I've built this up in my head the past decade, Harvey. Whether or not kissing you would confirm what I thought I felt for you." she replied lightly.

"And? What did you find out?" His heart was thumping out of his chest awaiting the answer.

She leaned forward slightly as she crossed her legs, holding her left hand with her right for support, extending both of her fingers outwards, "Two things, actually."

They stared into each others eyes. And towards one anothers lips. Both unable to stop thinking of the kiss. Harvey waited for her to continue, knowing the lump in his throat wouldn't let any words out right now anyway.

"The first being no; I haven't been over analysing my feelings for you all this time. They are there and they are very real and I cannot shake them. And I don't think I would even want to." Her voice was near whisper towards the end, tears beginning to line up above her bottom lashes.

Harvey hated how much feeling for him seemed to devastate her, after all this time, "..And the second thing?" he asked, in that soft tone of voice only Donna Paulsen ever gets to hear.

She exhaled deeply before forcing a smile and looking back up at him, "That you felt something too." she stated, eyes glazed and sparkling at him. The monitor's flickering lights dancing on her ivory skin.

The room fell silent. His eyes veered off to the right whilst he gathered a response. She was afraid he would react badly so she offered more of an explanation, "Don't get me wrong, that wasn't my intention when I kissed you Harvey. I wanted to find out how I felt before it would be too late. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect you to.."

"..kiss back?" he whispered hoarsely, looking back to her, somewhat calmer now.

She began blinking uncontrollably, her chest rising and falling at a quicker pace now, never thinking he would admit that, "Yes, Harvey. That's why I pulled away and left. I'm so sorry I just walked out on you."

He was dead silent before offering his next words to her, "You have nothing to be sorry for Donna. You did what you had to do because I left you no choice. I refused to talk about this for so long because I was scared ..You've got a lot more guts than I do.." he scoffed lightly.

"It was the scariest thing I've ever done." she smiled.

He smirked and looked down to the floor, "How did we get here, Donna?"

"I don't know Harvey. All I know is we can't go back. Not this time." she determined.

He nodded in dismal agreement.

"My turn." she said raising an eyebrow, cautiously, straightening up as she sniffed back the tears.

He leaned back in his chair as if to say 'fire away'.

"You and Paula. _It bothers me._ " she blurted out confidently, echoing Harvey's own words about her and Stephen a few years prior.

Usually this would be the part where one of them adds, "but that doesn't mean..", indicating that it doesn't mean they want to be with the other. Lies of course. Unless there's a perfectly logical, purely platonic reason that they would both be bothered about the other person being in a relationship? Didn't think so.

However, this time it was different and she could sense it. The truth needed to show its ugly head. No more denying it, "And that _does_ mean.." She didn't even finish her sentence, knowing he would know exactly where she was going with it.

"I know." he responded, his voice deep and soft.

"I don't want to get in the way. If you can look me in the eye right now and tell me that you and Paula are happy together and you can see a lasting future with this woman then I will take my things and walk right out that door, Harvey. I meant it when I said I wanted you to be happy."

"Really?" he objected.

"What do you mean 'really'?" she defended, slightly taken aback.

"You _knew_ I was seeing her. So why did you kiss me, in that regard?" He could feel his frustration creeping back in. He was starting to tense up, trying to deflect the heat off of him, from her getting an answer out of him.

"Because I didn't think that you were truly happy, Harvey!" she responded truthfully, relieved it was now out in the open, "I needed to do it before you and Paula were a sure thing and-"

"A _sure_ thing!?" he spat out, standing up from his chair now.

"Yes Harv-"

"Two months of commitment isn't enough of a ' _sure thin_ _g'_ for you now?" He was losing the run of himself quickly, infidelity playing on his mind too much, once again.

"Harvey, I know. I shouldn't have done it. I'm not making excuses I'm just being honest. Which is what we just agreed to be with one another." She was afraid he was going to bolt but he surprised her once again by sitting back down, massaging his right temple with his thumb and two fingers.

"Alright, Donna. Tell me why you don't think Paula and I aren't that serious then?"

She bit her lower lip before she began, "It's not that I don't thi-"

" _Honesty_ , Donna?" he cut in reminding her of their agreement.

"Okay. Truth be told Harvey? I don't think it's a very healthy relationship." she stated quite assertively.

"Unhealthy how?" He was becoming rather defensive, but part of him wanting to hear it, as if he was thinking it too.

"Well I obviously don't need to remind you of the fact that she was your _therapist_. Or maybe I do? I don't care what the laws say, dating her when you're still working through some of the exact issues that she helped you with, is not good for you! She was the one you could turn to with your problems, now who's gonna help you if you start having panic attacks again _Harvey?_ Cause we both know you won't come to any of us for help. And that scares the crap out of me. You being all alone with your demons." She was almost left without a single breath after that.

"I don't have them any more, Donna." he lied, almost believing it himself.

"Bullshit you don't! We all have demons!" she retorted, her voice beginning to crack.

They both paused in a shared, painful reflection.

"Are you saying you're ..jealous, Donna?" he asked, squinting his eyes, head cocked to the right.

" _Of cours_ _e_ that's the first thing you would gather from that!" her voice starting to catch in her throat, making her sound hoarse, "I'm saying I'm worried for you. But you know what? Second to that, yes. I am jealous. Jealous that you turned to her instead of me. Which is selfish I know. I left you and you needed professional help. I get that. But _now?_ The second I said I wanted more, you ran into her arms, so you couldn't be available for me. For the 'more' you were afraid to think about. Tell me I'm wrong Harvey."

He looked down again, dismayed at the now unrecognisable reflection staring back at him inside the mirror she was holding out. Forcing him to take a long, hard look at himself. _How does she know me so well?_ It's as if his skull is transparent to her, and she can see right through to his mind.

"You're not wrong, Donna." he said looking up at her again.

She inhaled sharply, once again shocked at his honesty. It still felt odd having this kind of conversation after years of denying anything needed to be discussed.

"I'm sorry if the way I went about things hurt you.." he murmured.

"It only _hurt_ _s_..because although it was her job to take care of you professionally in that way, ..it was never mine. But I did it anyway, all those years. Because I loved you, Harvey." She took one large breath, providing her with the oxygen she would need for her next statement, "Because I'm _in love_ with you."

They were both stunned at the 'L' bomb that just exploded in the tiny office. A constant ticking time bomb, now relieved of its duties having carried out its job. It was always just a matter of who was going to say it first. She didn't expect to say it, yet. He didn't expect to hear it and how hearing it, after that kiss, would make him feel.

Head bowed down, he stood up out of his chair for the last time, "This isn't right Donna. I have someone waiting at home for me. Someone who hasn't done a thing wrong. Her only fault is caring about me. I can't do this to an innocent person. I won't." He turned his back on her, regretfully walking away once more.

"Yet you can do it to me. _Every. Single. Day.._ " she whispered, tears starting to free-fall down her smooth, pale cheeks, and into her mouth. She could literally taste the saltiness of what she had just said, swallowing down her despair, "Just go Harvey. You've made your decision and now I can move the hell on." She stood up then too, to avoid looking completely devastated and defeated.

He was shattered. Seeing her like this was tugging at his heart from every angle, stretching it thin, "Where does this leave us now?" He asked nervously.

She put on her best mask and faked a smile, though it was clear she wasn't happy, her eyes showed as much, "The only place left, Harvey. As work fri-. Colleagues."

She wasn't being bitter, just practical. They had both worked too hard over the years to see their working relationship and careers take a hit over this. She wasn't going to quit over a man. She was finally at the top now, where she belonged, deserved to be. But there was also no way they could just be friends again, after that conversation, and that kiss. This was how it would have to be.

As much as it killed them both.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews so far! It helps motivate me to keep working on this for you all :) Hope yous like this chapter and let me know your thoughts. Having to go through their fall-out stages is difficult but something that is probably gonna happen in 7B so gotta prepare ourselves.. Enjoy!**

* * *

 _Chapter Four: The Boss and The COO_

They were both wide awake the next morning when their alarms went off at 7 a.m. The image of the other from last night pressed firmly on their tortured minds. Neither felt like going to work. Today would be undoubtedly tougher than any other. The first day of their new relationship. A strictly work related one. _How had it come down to this?_ Or more importantly, on both of their minds; _how had they let it?_

…

Harvey let out a hefty sigh before getting into the shower, hoping the water would wash all of his nagging questions away. It didn't, of course. He could still feel them bouncing around inside his head, almost causing a migraine. 7:15 and he already felt like drowning himself in his favourite liquid comfort. Scotch.

Instead, he soldiered on and picked out one of his million-dollar 3-piece suits, one with a navy undertone. Complementing it with one of his monogrammed white shirts and a tie as blue as the deep sea itself, matching with his seemingly bottomless, deep-rooted ocean of thoughts.

He was just getting ready to leave the apartment when his phone buzzed, signalling a text. He picked it up off the empty bed, letting out a deeper sigh this time.

' _Hey Stranger. Dinner at mine tonight?'_

He wasn't in the mood at all, but he knew he had to see Paula soon. To tell her. She had been cheated on in the past and he physically wasn't able to keep this from her. They needed to talk.

' _How about mine instead? 9 o'clock.'_

…

Donna forced herself out of her warm, comforting cocoon with a loud groan before hopping into the shower. Afterwards, she looked into the bathroom mirror, barefaced and fatigued, and let out an inner sigh at herself. Before she then proceeded to paint her game-face on; Coal mascara. Light foundation. Auburn and orange blended eye shadows to complement those hazel green eyes. And crimson lip gloss, just a shade between red and pink.

Next she needed the right outfit. Nothing overly colourful yet not too dark either. She didn't want to look like she was in mourning. Even though she was. No bare chest either, she definitely didn't want to feel exposed and vulnerable. Even though she was..

As she slid the hangers across the metal bar, skimming through dress after dress, she eventually landed on something different. A white jumpsuit. Very practical, she thought. It had long sleeves leaving her neck, collarbone and just the very tops of her shoulders bare **.** Covering her entire chest in a straight line which ran parallel around to the back too. She slipped into it, immediately feeling brighter, more confident and ready for a nerve-wracking day at work. Once she found the right heels, that was. Her black Louboutins with their signature cheeky red souls.

Without even realising she was skipping breakfast, she threw on a long, cream-coloured winter coat, picked up her beige Dior handbag and made her way downstairs and out onto the hustling street to hail down a cab.

She felt surprisingly good about herself then. Maybe she was ready to move on. After all, she had given him hardly any thought all morning.

Until that heart-racing ride to work, that was.

…

Ray's black Lexus pulled up right outside the entrance to the soon-to-be Specter Litt and Harvey jumped out, slamming the door behind him. He immediately saw her from the corner of his eye, leaning towards her cab to pay the driver. That warm glow of hair and tall, slim figure.

The old Harvey, who was free to be friends with Donna, would have already turned to face her and grin before greeting her. But things were different now, so he carried on through to the firms lobby, never looking over his shoulder.

She never saw him.

He thought he got away with it once he had made it into the elevator. That's when he heard her voice, "Hold the doors, please!" He immediately reached out his hand and stopped the doors from slamming shut. It was an automatic response to her voice. A sweet melody to his ears that he found very difficult to ignore, even on their worst days.

She jumped into the lift with her head lowered, her right hand pushing the hair back behind her ear and wearing a grateful smile. Until she looked up to thank whoever had let her in. She couldn't believe it.

 _What are the freaking chances?_ Each of their minds perfectly mirroring the others.

He gave an awkward nod and then a short smile, "Morning, Donna." His tone flat. His heart pounding.

"Good morning, Harvey ..thanks for holding the lift." she said before refocusing her gaze straight ahead towards the shiny metal doors which were now re-closing. How she wished she was on the other side still. _Why did I have to pick this elevator?_ The mechanical humming set in and the elevator began its seemingly ever-lasting near two minute journey to the 50th floor.

She was never so eager to not be alone with him as she was in that moment. Desperate for another person to take away from the awkward silence. But nobody else got in the whole way up. _Probably a good thing_ , she thought, w _e don't want people picking up on the weird tension between the COO and Managing Partner._

As much as he wanted to say nothing he couldn't. It was Donna. Not speaking to her was worse than not speaking to his actual biological family.

"Get the memo?" he asked rather nonchalantly.

"Uh, yeah. Meeting's in 5 right?" she questioned, already knowing it was, she had only read his group email about forty times during the fifteen minute car journey over.

"Yup." he replied, bouncing his head slightly.

As she peaked a glance at him she desperately wanted to console him. Jessica's disbarment and name coming off the wall would be eating at him, that she knew. But that is what the old Donna would have done. Not that she was a completely new person now. Just that she isn't Harvey's Donna any more. He is her boss, and she, his COO.

"Malik is a real son of a bitch." she stated instead.

She meant it too. Afterall, he had just called her to the stand less than a week ago to tarnish her reputation, flinging vicious accusations around that she had 'slept her way' to the top of the firm. All of which had both devastated and infuriated Harvey to no end.

"Tell me about it." he smirked, "He's going after everyone I ca-" He stopped himself, realising what he almost just said. Although he knew she wouldn't have missed it, he still couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence. _Things are different now,_ he had to remind himself.

 _Care about?_ she wondered. Her mouth gaped open slightly as she peaked up at him now. His eyes fixed straight ahead. Face still as cool as a summer's breeze. But she knew him too well to think he wasn't cursing himself at his latest slip-up.

Then the elevator doors gushed open with a ping and he was gone. They almost closed again before she could bring herself to get out and make way to her office, before their meeting next door to it in a couple of minutes.

…

As Donna walked into his office, two steps away from her own, her glances were met by both Harvey and Louis'. She noticed Harvey hadn't looked her in the eye. They were sat on his leather couch waiting for her to arrive. She was relieved that Louis had made it there before her so she wouldn't be walking into a room occupied by just Harvey alone.

"Right okay, lets get down to business." Harvey started, sitting up straighter now, still avoiding eye contact.

"What do yous think is the best way to go about steering this, to the public?" Donna asked.

"Well we have to control the media as much as possible. Make sure Jessica's disbarment doesn't make us look weak. Her name coming off the wall has to be something everyone at this firm is going to back. It can't look like it's just something we're doing just because our hand is being forced." suggested Louis, adamantly.

"A united front." Donna smiled.

Harvey scoffed to himself. Turning his head in the opposite direction from the others. From Donna.

"Something to add, Harvey?" Louis asked, intriguingly.

"Yeah, Harvey? If you've got something to say..?" Donna echoed, making sure to sound unscathed.

Harvey rolled his eyes before sitting back and straightening his jaw, "We are anything but _united_ ..Donna."

She had never in her life heard him say her name with such indifference before. Like she didn't matter to him. Of course her better judgement reassured her that that could never be the case, but the tone of voice he used still cut deep. Opening up fresh wounds which she had carefully bandaged up last night and all of this morning.

"How is that?" asked Louis, scrunching up his face in utter confusion, not the slightest bit aware of the tension between his two colleagues.

Donna knew exactly what Harvey had meant. She didn't need to respond. The cold, downcast look she gave him said it all and he couldn't miss it, even out of the corner of his eye.

Harvey was silent. No response. Just utter inward disappointment at himself and his mood swings.

A sudden wave of sadness was beginning to loom right above Donna and she knew she had to get out of there before it came crashing down in a matter of seconds. Before it could drown her.

"If you don't have anything else to add, I'm going to excuse myself from whatever kind of meeting this is supposed to be." she said almost bitterly, "We will need to set an official meeting with Alex and the rest of the senior partners and get them informed once we pick the right path to go down. If you have any further suggestions Harvey, you can email them to me."

She stood up to walk out, Harvey's eyes burning a hole through her back when Louis cautiously butt in, "Email you? He's right next door to you for God's sake?" he remarked suspiciously, now understanding that he was missing something.

There was an awkward pause from everyone.

"Yet we've never been further apart." Harvey responded arrogantly, looking her right in the eye for the first time that morning.

She turned and smiled at Louis, trying to hold back her disheartened teary-eyed expression, before spinning back around and leaving.

Louis stood up to fixate his accusing stare onto his fellow partner, "Care to tell me what the hell all that was about? And don't you dare say 'nothing', Harvey. If there's something going on that is affecting how we run this god damn firm, then I get to know about it." he demanded, chest puffed and pointing his finger downwards to come across as stern as possible.

Harvey furrowed his brows and pursed his lips, not one bit intimidated by his fellow named partner.

"It's personal Louis, you don't get to know about it." he insisted.

"That may be Harvey, but this meeting was about as productive as my Aunt Peggy is right now."

Harvey looked bewildered.

"Aunt Peggy is dead!" he shouted, making his point clear.

Harvey was becoming more agitated now. "As ..tragic as that is Lou-"

"You know what Harvey? Yous two can cut me out of your little dramas all you want. I'm the black sheep, I get it. If it's that personal then fine. But know this. When you hurt _Donna.._ it becomes personal for _me!_ And I don't wanna see her walk out of one more god damn meeting near tears because of _you!_ " he bellowed, angrily pointing at Harvey.

Louis turned and walked out before more of his Sheila anger could bubble out over the freshly scorched surface.

Harvey was left to stew in his sickening regret. He knew he had been unfair. She had been the bigger man, kept it perfectly professional. Like they agreed to. Whilst he lasted all of sixty seconds before making a snide comment towards her. He felt like going to apologise to her right there and then. But right on queue, his island-sized ego resurfaced. Acting as a little devil on his shoulder. Not the first time that has happened, and probably won't be the last. _We're not friends anymore. If she wants to be colleagues then she can suck it up and accept that I'm her boss._

Without Donna in his life personally now, he no longer had that empathetic angel sitting on the other shoulder, whispering in his ear, always convincing him to do right.

…

As the day gradually turned to late night, the redhead was sitting in her office doing paperwork when something just didn't feel quite right. She could sense something in the room putting her off focus. She glanced around at her pictures, statues, furniture, and even at the spot where they had kissed almost 24 hours ago now. Until her eyes met her desk drawer. _Bingo_.

She slowly pulled open the drawer with her left hand to find the old metal object. Still shiny but duller than it used to be. She picked it up gently and held it with fingers of both hands. Fiddling with it. For one last time, she thought.

She then inhaled deeply and rolled out her chair to stand up. Firmly but steadily, she marched next door. She held the object in the right pocket of her jumpsuit as she tapped on his door.

He looked up from his laptop, the lines in his face highlighted by its fluorescent glow. He was surprised to see her. He didn't know how to act so he just let her initiate the meeting, this time.

Donna walked right up to his desk and stood opposite him. She smiled politely, yet sternly. "If we're really gonna do this ..then I can't have reminders. I can't have doubts. No more sentiments. I need to move on."

Harvey crossed his eyebrows, making his stress lines stand out even more. He wasn't clued in until she pulled the awkward little tool that held so many happy memories out from her pocket and slid it onto his desk.

"I'm not saying you should or would even want to keep it. I just thought seeing as it was your idea all those years ago, you should decide what happens to it." She tried to maintain eye contact but it was too difficult and for a moment, her eyes fell to her hands which were clasped together at her abdomen.

If they weren't in such a serious place right now, it would be slightly comical, as if they were working out custody of their first born or something.

In his own hurt he was considering firing back some harsh remark about how he doesn't care what she does with it. But that would have been a fat lie. And Louis' harsh words earlier made him rethink offending her. Again.

As he looked up from his own thoughts and into her eagerly awaiting eyes, he just smiled softly, "Okay, Donna. I'll take care of it." he murmured, releasing a near-missable sigh. Which she caught, of course.

She bit down on the inside of her bottom lip. _Does that mean he's going to throw it out? Or put it in safe-keeping somewhere in case.._ Donna smoothed down the top half of her thighs before turning to walk back to her office. To safer ground.

"If I had of known.." Harvey called out gently, demanding her attention once again as she silently looked back towards him, "that the last time we used this thing would be _the_ last time.." he continued, lightly fiddling with the can opener on his desk, "I wouldn't have taken it for granted." he finished, hoarsely.

Her eyes started to sting slightly but she wasn't going to allow the tears to form this time. Instead of her eyes glazing over with a fresh layer of tears, they simply sparkled, with anguish nonetheless. She pressed her lips together to form the sweetest smile she could, "Good night, Harvey.", and she disappeared.

He never felt so cold. Physically cold. Shivers ran through his veins like a rapidly coursing winter stream. He wouldn't fully admit it to himself, but he knew why. The fire she lit in him over twelve years ago, had been so abruptly extinguished. Or taken from him. Just like that, overnight. Gone.

The world seemed a much more desolate place to live in now.


	5. Chapter 5

**First off I just want to thank you all for the lovely reviews, and the views! It makes it much easier to keep writing knowing so many of you are engaging with the story!**

 **This chapter is long I know, but I wanted to keep it as real as possible and didn't want to get rid of Paula in a couple of paragraphs, in case it minimised the authenticity of the story and the characters. As well, I wanted to try and do her character justice seeing as the writers aren't anymore. But it's worth it in the end! #ByeFelecia**

 **Also I wanted to use this as therapy for Harvey, and to show his inner feelings, seeing as it would be unlikely for his character to just go and blurt everything out to Donna straight away (as much as we want him to).**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 _Chapter Five: Harvey and Paula_

Harvey couldn't focus for the rest of the night. Whatever he had been working on was almost abstract to him now. He couldn't make sense of it anymore. Mike had come in and out of his office a few times, ranting about some pro bono case. But he could barely remember what was said. All he could concentrate on was the trusty little can opener left sitting on his desk. And the woman who put it there. Battling between tossing it in the trash. _No I would just have to rummage it out later_. And bringing it home. Wondering what it would mean, for them, if he did, if he held onto it. _She was so eager to get rid of it, why should I keep it?_

It was when he thought about home that he snapped out of his current dilemma and into a new one, he checked the time on his phone, remembering he had agreed to dinner their tonight. _8:56 p.m. Shit! Paula!_ Thanks to recent events involving his COO and a kitchen appliance, he had completely forgotten about his agreement to have dinner with his girlfriend at his place. In less than five minutes.

He grabbed his coat and headed towards the door before stopping dead in his tracks. He stiffened his jaw and reluctantly went back to his desk. Like it was a magnet and he a mere metal pin. He picked up the can opener and stuffed it into his deep coat pocket, before calling Ray to come pick him up on his way to the elevators.

…

He stared out onto the darkened streets the entire ride home, barely conversing with Ray. All he could think of was the impending conversation he was about to have with Paula. He wasn't aware of the extent of the discussion that they would end up having, just that he would have to tell her about the kiss. He almost felt silly. _It was nothing_ , he told himself. Donna is such, _was such_ , a dear friend to him that having to tell Paula, someone who has been in his life a fraction of the time as the redhead has, seems somewhat juvenile. But he knew he had to. Especially considering her history with her cheating ex-husband. And of course, his lifelong devotion to loyalty.

…

As he shoved his key in the door he realised it was already unlocked. Next he could smell food cooking inside. She was already there. As he entered he could see her stirring up something in a huge metal pot on the cooker, her back facing him. She couldn't hear him with all the noise she was making in his lavish little kitchenette.

Part of him felt like leaving before she even noticed. But instead of questioning why he was feeling that way, he swept in behind her and put his firm hands on her shoulders. She jumped for a second before realising it was obviously him.

"What's all this?" Harvey asked playfully, as she turned around in his arms to catch his waist.

"Well hello to you too!" she grinned in mock annoyance.

"Hello." Harvey smiled, giving her a peck on the forehead.

"It's a very fancy dish that I've kindly whipped up for us this evening." she teased sarcastically, before turning back around to stir the pot again.

"Oh yeah?" Harvey challenged, looking into the boiling water, "Looks like spaghetti bolognese to me." he grinned, cheekily.

Without turning to face him she lightly whacked him on the shoulder for his last comment, "That's exactly what it is." She turned around once again, arms crossed, her crystal-blue eyes now freezing on his dark Belgian chocolate ones. Doing her therapist thing on him. He hated that. Trying to sound casual and unbothered, she began her investigation, "Seeing as I arrived here to an empty flat, when I was under the impression that my _boyfriend_ would be cooking me dinner.. I decided to fix something up myself." she said only half serious.

"I'm sorry Paula, things got intense at the office.. and I kept getting swamped with paperwork. Next thing I knew it was almost 9. I'm an asshole, I know." he responded, giving her his best puppy face.

"Mmm.. more fool me!" she joked, giving him a kiss.

He subtly broke it off before throwing his coat onto the counter top. It made a loud clank noise against the white marble surface. Both were perplexed until Harvey rolled his eyes remembering what was in there.

"Jesus, what are you packing in that jacket, Harvey? A gun or something!" she scoffed.

He faked a laugh back, trying to avoid answering, until he knew he had to, "Oh it's just a can opener I had in the kitchen at work today. Must have forgot to take it out of my pocket!" _What kind of bullshit excuse is that?_

Paula looked bemused before shrugging it off. Then he could almost see the light bulb appear on top of her head as she quickly turned to him.

"Perfect! I broke the pin off the can of bolognese sauce, I can use that to pry it open now." she said, holding out her hand awaiting the can opener while she checked on the spaghetti in the saucepan once more.

Harvey started to tense up, clearly becoming uncomfortable about it all.

"Earth to Harvey?" she laughed, looking up at him then.

"What? Uh sorry, yeah that old thing? Its broken, you won't get much use out of it!" He tried to sound as passive as possible, but his acting skills were atrocious. He began shifting on the spot then pretended to look in the fridge, happy to be met by a cold beer. He cracked open the beer bottle and took a long sip of the refreshing liquid, before putting it down on the neighbouring counter. Not his usual scotch, but it was the first bit of alcohol within arms reach.

"You just said two seconds ago that you used it at work today? It can't be that bad, let me have a go." she said lightly, making her way towards his coat still sat on the counter.

Before he knew it he was stood in front of her, blocking her path. Her smooth face turned to a wrinkled, frowned expression, unable to understand his sudden cagey behaviour. She crossed her arms again, her mouth now slightly agape.

He tried to recover by pulling out the cutlery drawer beside them and taking out a small, sharp knife, "This will get the job done much quicker." he smirked.

"Harvey, you're not slicing your hand open trying to use that knife! Now stop acting so weird and give me the bloody can opener!?" she loosely cried out, in her strongest British accent.

He felt stuck. And stupid. Stupid and stuck. He knew exactly why he wasn't giving her the cherished item. It was his. _And hers_. Handing it over to Paula, especially after his heart-wrenching conversation with Donna the night of the kiss, would feel wrong. It wasn't meant to be used for such ordinary tasks as opening cans. No. This was a special object. It was for them. Only them. And their ritual. Harvey Specter was quite sentimental ..when he wanted to be.

 _Why didn't I just leave it in the god damn office?_ He scolded himself.

Paula was becoming increasingly confused and agitated, her imagination running wild and free, wondering if he was hiding something on her, "Harvey. What is actually in that coat?" she quizzed him.

He laughed it off, uncomfortably so, "I told you already, Paula."

"Take it out then." she demanded.

"I can't believe we're actually arguing over a can opener." Harvey retorted, backing up slightly. He didn't know if it was suddenly getting hot in there or it was just the steam from the boiling pasta that was smothering him.

"You're the one being cagey about it Harvey! What am I supposed to think when you're acting like you're hiding something from me?" Paula responded, worryingly.

That made him consider pretending that it was really a surprise gift he had gotten her earlier that day. But that would just be another lie he had to cover up. And he wasn't in the habit of being a dishonest man. Which reminded him that he needed to tell her about the kiss anyway. He would have preferred to do it after dinner but he was in a bit of a jam now, so he decided to come clean. He let out a sigh, bowed his head down before massaging his right temple.

"Harvey!" Paula shouted, at the end of her tether now.

This didn't help ease his frustration at what he was feeling inside. _Over a god damn can opener._ He lost it for a moment. "I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE IT, GOD DAMMIT!"

His face was now redder, angrier, than she had ever seen. She was physically taken aback, pulling her head back from him and placed her hand over her chest securely, guarding it, with a bewildered, judgemental look on her face.

His anger turned to shock as he observed her reaction. Hating himself for letting it get to him that much. He knew she was about to psycho-analyse him any second now, "Paula." he whispered softly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, it's just.."

"Just WHAT, Harvey? Because I'm completely drawing a blank here?" she demanded, readying herself for his response.

Harvey made his way over to the end of the counter and dug around in his right pocket. He took out the infamous little tool and turned back to face her.

She was even more confused now that it was actually a can opener after all. She was too baffled to speak. Amazed that this was actually happening. They had just gone to war over a bloody kitchen utensil. She watched his heavy expression though, showing off all of his age lines. She knew there was something coming, she waited.

"It's not a can opener." he mumbled before glancing down at her confused little face, "Well, not to me ..to us, anyway." he continued, looking away once again.

"Us?" she echoed, inching towards him now.

He made eye contact again before adding, "Donna ..Donna and I."

Paula rose her chin at the mention of the vivacious redhead. _Why does her name always pop up?_ She didn't show how threatened she actually felt and instead let out a chuckle, "Harvey." she mused, returning to a warmer tone, "You don't have to be afraid to mention her around me. So it's a sentimental little knickknack that you both share, big deal. You've probably had it since your first dinner together or something? It doesn't bother me Harvey. I told you before, I'm not threatened by you having other women that you care about, in your life."

It annoyed him when she said that. As if she was subtly accusing Donna of being threatening. A man-stealer or something. Then he remembered they had kissed. Guilt set in once again.

She walked towards him fully then, he slid the can opener onto the counter behind him, as if he was afraid she might still grab it or something. Instead, she put her hands on his chest, "Now are we going to have this dinner or what?" She was about to kiss him when the bubbling water spilled over the pan and she jumped to move it off the hob.

"It's still okay. It's all good." she said stirring the strings of spaghetti, some of which had stuck to the bottom of the pot.

"No it's not." he whispered to himself, closing his now heavy, dark hazel eyes.

"What was that?" she called back softly.

He took in one huge breath and then released it, "It's _not okay_ , Paula." he grumbled.

"Harvey it's just spaghetti, it's still savable." she responded, naively.

He laughed on the inside. Wondering if their relationship was still salvageable. Wondering if he even wanted it to be now. He even thinks a part of him wished she had of reacted worse to the can opener, "Not the food, Paula!" he said clearly now, trying to get her attention.

She froze on the spot before turning around, ready for another stand off, becoming agitated at his moody behaviour once more, "What then, Harvey? What's not okay?"

"Us." he said, plane and simple, he thought.

She stood silent for a moment. He could see the psychologist cogs turning in her head, "Let me guess." she said as calmly and professionally as possible. "Donna."

He didn't look away any more. He had to get the next bit out before it choked him, "She ki-" _No that isn't fair, or correct,_ "We kissed."

His last words seem to fill the room with an insufferable silence.

She let out a sigh, standing a step back from him. Before laughing, in vain, "How on earth did I not see this coming.?" she said to herself in an almost whisper.

He looked at her, sympathy and pity oozing from his soulful eyes, which hurt her even more, oddly, "Paula, if you let me explain.." he pleaded, softly.

"Does it really need explaining, Harvey? Do you even want to explain? Because it seems fairly straight forward to me." she hissed.

"What do you mean?" he quipped back.

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" she asked, sounding slightly bitter now.

He furrowed his brows. Perplexed as to what she was hinting at.

"You're in love with her Harvey!" she shouted across the kitchen, her words resembling what she had recently said about Donna's own feelings for him.

He rolled his eyes. _Not this again._ "Paula, look-"

"Are you not going to even try and deny it then? Because the first word out of your mouth should have been a strong 'No'!" she commented, fuming at his lack of emotional-awareness.

He seemed to reflect on what she had said though. He gave up on making excuses. It would only drag out the inevitable for their relationship, "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you." he said hoarsely.

She could see how torn he was. His inner turmoil now beginning to surface onto that pristinely polished exterior of his. It made her slightly less angry. She took a step towards him, her heels clinking against the marble kitchen flooring, highlighting the silence.

"Maybe you're not all to blame in this, Harvey." she began, "I knew how you felt about her when I got involved with you. I don't even think you knew how you felt about her ..heavens I'm not even sure that you do now."

"Paula, if you think that I'm letting you take the blame for this.." he began, trying to offer her some peace of mind.

"I'm not blaming. It is what it is Harvey." she sighed, "Truth be told, I knew all along that I was mostly attracted to you because of your loyalty. I didn't want to be betrayed by another man and I knew you would never do that. Well, look how that turned out.." she trailed off, still in slight shock at how their night was turning out.

Harvey straightened up and spoke in a firm, but gentle tone, "We never planned it. It just happened one night. Last night. And never again since."

"But you want it to happen again?" she said, not sure if it was more of a statement than a question. His silent, piercing stare told her exactly the answer that he couldn't bring himself to admit to her, "Who kissed who?" she blurted out, her light brows furrowed.

"Does it matter?" he defended.

"Well there's my answer. _It was her_. If it was you, you would have owned up to it straight away. You're still trying to protect her, even now." she stated in defeat.

"It's a lot more complicated than that Paula." He was trying his best to reassure her now.

"No. No it isn't Harvey. Your traumatic childhood has lead you to believe that true love doesn't exist. Or that you're not worthy of it. So you make simple things complicated in your head, so that you won't have to deal with them properly!" Her waving hands were cutting through the tension as if they were knives and the air was butter.

Harvey thought of how he had pushed Donna away so many times over the years, as soon as their line was about to be crossed.

With her shoulders bunched up with tension and unease, Paula turned to the cooker to turn all the switches off. There would obviously be no more dinner tonight. What she did next surprised him. She pulled up one of the high stools accompanying the island and sat down, facing him, about five feet away now, "We need to see this through Harvey. One last session, from me. Because I failed you the last time." she said earnestly.

"We're not doing this, Paula." he responded, shaking his left hand at her as he turned away slightly.

"Why not? We obviously can't stay together when your heart is tied to another woman?"

"I know we can't, and my hea-" He was cut off.

"So. Sit down and let me help you sort your feelings out." she tapped the seat opposite her, remaining as dignified as ever.

Harvey thought he was dreaming. _What is happening.. She should be throwing plates at me by now._ He followed her orders and sat down, facing her. Awaiting her analysis.

"What has stopped you from being with her all these years, Harvey?" she asked quite forwardly.

It was difficult for her but she knew that she shared some of the faults in this mess of a relationship, and her pride was forcing her to do her job properly, to help him. Like she should have the first time around.

"I didn't want to be with her all these years?" he denied.

"Harvey. Stop answering as my boyfriend now. _We're over_. You have nothing to hide. Don't hold back." She had retreated to full-on therapist mode now, as if it was her own little coping mechanism.

He looked at her sympathetically. Mad at himself for not even having the desire to fight for her. To convince her to stay with him, "Because. Being with her meant losing her. As a friend. As a colleague. Everything we knew would be gone." he admitted, being surprisingly honest.

"So for selfish reasons then?" she said sharply.

He looked at her defensively and was about to fire back when she began again, "And what about what you would have been _gaining_ , Harvey? You never let yourself think of that did you? Odd for somebody who loves winning so much."

"No. I didn't." he agreed.

"Why!?" she asked.

"Because then I might have god damn married her by now!" he let out, taken aback at his own uncontrollable outburst.

She was shocked at his truthfulness once again, and heartbroken by it. But she inhaled deeply and carried on nonetheless, "And what would be wrong with that? Normal people get married Harvey." she said warmly.

"Because. I don't have time for a family. You've seen my work schedule. I couldn't even remember dinner tonight!" he retorted.

"I don't believe you. Plenty of people in your line of work maintain a healthy personal life. If they try hard enough." she stated, squinting her eyes slightly.

"Well it's the damn truth." he grumbled.

"Maybe. Maybe it's the truth that _you_ believe. The lies you've told yourself over the years." she suggested.

"Not everything has to have deeper meaning, Paula." he said mockingly.

"Oh but in my experience, it does. Would you like to know what I think?" She would have told him even if he had said no. He looked up at her, his eyes telling her to go on, "I think that you're too afraid to go after something you really want, because you believe that you're just inevitably going to lose it at some stage anyway. That you're going to lose _her_."

His forlorned expression confirmed her theory, "So you keep her close enough that she's always wanting more. But far enough away that you can always deny it. Run from it." she continued on, knowing she was hitting all the right spots.

"That day you came to me, out of the blue, to ask me out.." Harvey knew where this was going. He felt awful knowing he would have to answer truthfully. She deserved that at least. "What really motivated you to come find me?" she asked, somewhat cautiously.

He paused for a moment before answering, "Just before before that.. Donna told me she wanted ' _more_ '. Whatever that was supposed to mean.."

"What did it mean, for you?"

"I don't know. At first I thought she meant at work. Her new business idea hadn't succeeded and I knew she was down in the dumps over it. But the way she said 'more'. I just wasn't sure. And then the next thing I knew she was waiting in the lobby for me at work, asking to be a partner in the firm." he told her.

"And that was after, you had showed up to ask me out?" She couldn't help but show her disappointment.

"Yeah." he admitted sheepishly.

"Well that proves it then. You came to me so you couldn't possibly be available for Donna." she stated, almost relieved to have finally cracked his thoughts, "It's okay, Harvey. I know you didn't do it consciously.. It still stings a bit though." she joked, trying to lighten the mood after noticing his guilty expression.

He smiled at her. He couldn't believe how understanding she was of it all.

"And that's why it was so difficult for you to tell her about us." she realised.

"I didn't want to hurt her. I know what it's like." he admitted.

"How do you mean?" She was slightly confused now.

"Having to watch the other person, being with someone else." His voice was quiet and raspy as he said it.

Paula took a breather for herself before soldiering on through this minefield, "So it makes you jealous when she's with somebody else.?"

"No. I want her to be happy." His tone not sounding very believable, to him or to Paula.

"Just not without you? ..or with someone that isn't you?"

He looked down. She was the hammer and his thoughts the nails, coming down on them one by one.

"Harvey, can't you see how cruel that is? No wonder the woman can't move past you. _You won't let her_. I've only met her twice but that was enough to know that she could do my job for me ..maybe even better than me! She picks up on everything, so of course she's going to see you pretending to be happy for her relationships, making her believe that deep down you want to be with her. That's why she can probably never give herself fully, to another man. A woman like her, still single? It's not because she's not loved. It's because she only wants to be loved by you!"

He couldn't argue. He couldn't fault one single word she had said. He was feeling too under the spotlight now, it was starting to burn his skin. So he tried to deflect the focus off of him, "I'm not the only one that does that. First, she lied when I told her about us. Said she already knew. Then she said she was happy for me. Only to kiss me a few weeks later?"

"You said the kiss was the last night, yes?" she asked, heart slightly wincing at the fact. Harvey nodded, seeing she was trying to add something up in her head. "Well then, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out, Harvey." she continued, almost amused. He looked intrigued. And confused. "What was happening in the days between you telling Donna about us, and her kissing you?" She waited for his response then.

Harvey slowly trailed his eyes to the left as he was thinking, "The trial." he whispered, now realising where she was going.

"Exactly. A trial where she was accused of horrible, untruthful things. Things to do with you, and your relationship together. All of which probably made her think about her feelings for you. Before she then decided to kiss you, it would seem."

Harvey was looking down at his hands now, immersed in thought, unconsciously cracking each of his knuckles.

"What happened _after_ the kiss, Harvey?"

This made him more uncomfortable than talking about the kiss itself. He stood up, needing to stretch his legs and distance himself from her gaze. From her questions. As he walked towards the lounge area and stood at the fire wall, she followed him. She remained standing between the black leather couch and the kitchen.

"I know _something_ happened. Why do you only have that can opener with you today?"

"Paula." he said softly, as he watched the thin line of fire glowing inside the pit in the light brick wall. Reminding him of sunset oranges and autumn reds. His favourite colours. For obvious reasons. "I think we've done enough talking tonight to last us a lifetime."

"Harvey. We have barely scratched the surface. You've come a long way I'll give you that. But a lot of your issues still remain. Rooted in her. Now, can you please answer my question?" She remained as patient as ever, a skill her career had forced her to practice over the years.

He sighed and looked back at her, before glancing at the shiny object still resting over on the counter top, "She came by my office today and returned it. I was a dick to her before that."

"Because she kissed you?" she probed.

"No." he gazed at her, his freighted face telling her there was more to the story.

She came closer and sat on the couch, encouraging him to sit in the single armchair so they were sitting opposite one another. Like they did for the best part of a year when he first came to see her. She let him take the lead. Just observing him, really listening.

"The night of the kiss. I went and found her. And we talked it through ..or tried to at least." It felt incredibly weird talking to her about this. Things had changed so quickly for them. As if they had gone back in time, and he was her patient again. Then he thinks about it. _I think I've always been her patient._ He shook the unappealing thought so he could continue, "She told me she loved me. That she was _in love_ with me. And that if I am truly happy with you, then she would leave it at that."

"And how did you respond to that?" she said, unable to mask her intrigue.

"I told her I could never do that to you, to anyone. We agreed to just be colleagues. And I walked out. I ran out.." He was reflecting on that moment, causing him much pain and regret.

"But she wasn't asking you to have an affair, Harvey? From what I can gather she just wanted you to know that she loved you. Once and for all. So there would be no going back after the kiss. One way or another." she remarked.

Harvey was rubbing his eyes now. Somewhat ashamed of the man that he was realising he had become.

"It seems like you didn't want to give her an answer. You didn't want to lie and say you _didn't_ love her back, in case she would walk out on you. And you didn't want to tell the truth because you weren't ready. And your loyalty wouldn't allow you to explore things further with her, knowing you were with me. Am I wrong?" She knew she wasn't, no matter how much she wanted to be.

'Not one bit' his face told her as he stared at _the cactus_ on the glass coffee table less than two feet from them both.

"Answer me this, Harvey. Were you rude to her today because she wasn't pining over you, by any chance?" she asked boldly, beating the bush instead of around it.

"What!?" he snapped.

"I'm guessing that she was very professional today? After confessing her love for you, and you not reciprocating those feelings to her face, her self-esteem, like any womans, would be at an all-time low. So she did her best to stick to the agreement yous had made to stay work friends? And that pissed you off. You want her to be at you beck and call. You love the attention she gives you." she said rather accusingly, yet factually.

"I was _rude .._ because she was being a hypocrite." he stated quite angrily at her evaluation, thinking back on the meeting this morning.

"How so?" She was determined to keep digging.

"Saying the firm should stand united when she's the one tearing us apart!" he shouted.

"She's not tearing the firm apart Harvey. You're tearing yourself apart by not admitting your true feelings." Paula leaned in closer, hand gesturing to her heart now. She thought for a second before adding her next comment, "And let me guess, she returned that little thing to you afterwards? Telling you she needed to move on?" she questioned, pointing towards the can opener, but still looking at him.

"Are you sure you weren't there?" he scoffed sarcastically, amused at how right she was.

"Harvey. Answer this truthfully.. Did you really want her to be happy for you?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I wanted my bestfriend to approve of my relationship with my girlfriend."

"That's not what I asked. Let me rephrase it.. Did Donna saying she was happy for you, and then trying to move on with her life, disappoint or perhaps even anger you? Have a think back to those moments. How did you really feel?" she said in a softer voice.

He had no choice but to reflect on it. He had become good at telling her his feelings thanks to their unorthodox and therapeutically-natured relationship, "Scared. I felt like I had officially lost her. Like all these years of pushing her away had worked. But I never wanted it to actually work." he said quietly and hoarsely.

When he realised he had said it he felt terrible, knowing he was with Paula at the time of those feelings. He didn't want to just keep apologising to her, so he resorted to self-deprecation instead, "Like mother, like son." he smiled in annoyance at himself.

"Having feelings for someone else whilst you're in a relationship isn't cheating, Harvey." she said, mustering up her most reassuring tone.

"Acting on those feelings is though." he replied, silencing the room until he couldn't take the quiet any longer, "I let that kiss happen. It would have continued longer if she hadn't pulled away and then walked out."

She sighed before biting her bottom lip, "One kiss with a woman you've been inseparable from for over twelve years, does not make you your mother Harvey."

"Maybe not, but I'm beginning to understand her side a little bit more now.. I may not be a physical adulterer. But I am a serial emotional cheat."

"Tell me how?" she asked in disbelief.

"Every relationship I've ever been in.. I knew wasn't going to work out. Because I always have Donna there, in the background. I didn't even know it until tonight, when I realised that I no longer have her." He bowed his head down in dismay.

"It seems to me that you're just getting with the wrong people. If it's just Donna that you keep on-hold during your other relationships.. then I'm guessing that she's the one woman you wouldn't 'emotionally cheat' on, because she's the only woman than you ever cheat _with_."

There was a solemn silence as the pair looked at one another. Proud at how maturely they had handled the entirely messed up situation. He was taken by surprise at her next question.

"You don't have to answer this, we're not together anymore.. But have yous ever slept together?" She was asking as Paula now, not a therapist.

"Once." he looked at her, with slight pity, knowing he had purposely withheld that nugget of information from her during their previous sessions and more importantly throughout their relationship, "Over a decade ago now." he added, to make her feel better.

She nodded somberly, before snapping out of her train of thought and quickly rising to her feet, "Well, I best be off then shan't I?"

Harvey dropped his head to the right and stood up, "I'm sorry, Paula. I wish I could have made it work."

"But it was never going to. Your heart belongs to one person and one person only, Harvey."

They embraced in a momentary hug and she gave him one last peck on the cheek.

"The next guy that snaps you up will be the one. I can feel it." he grinned affectionately.

"The next girl that snaps you up, better be Donna." she echoed humorously, "Or else I just gave you a free counseling session for absolutely nothing!"

He didn't know how to respond to that. She walked over to the counter and placed the key, that she never truly felt like she owned in the first place, on the counter, right next to that other metal object.

"Paula?" he called out.

"Yes?" she said, turning her head back.

"You said earlier that you've only met Donna twice.. But I didn't even know you'd met her at all?" he quizzed, having just remembered her earlier comment during their heated discussion.

She smiled, "She came to see me at my office one evening, looking for you. Some urgent work matter, or something I don't remember. It was over a year ago now. You had just left, she was in a great deal of despair, so I allowed her to sit and we just had a little chat. Woman to woman."

"About what?" he asked eagerly.

"That's confidential!" she mocked.

"Only if she was your client, which she wasn't." he grinned.

"That lawyer brain of yours! It is still confidential Harvey." she laughed before continuing, "What I will say is, she knows you remarkably well, better than anyone I'd imagine.." She watched his face lighten as he nodded contently in agreement. Pausing briefly then adding something else, "And you have no idea what you're missing." She smiled inside at her comment, knowing he may never know that she was sub-quoting Donna's own words to her, during their conversation last year.

"And the second meeting?" he asked, pushing for more information about the redhead.

"I saw her at your office. I swung by to drop off a gift but you weren't there. Let's just say she was quite ..terretorial." she said in remembrance of Donna's standoffish attitude towards her.

Harvey looked to the floor, but couldn't hide his lengthy smirk. Thinking of Donna being protective over him warmed his heart.

They both looked at each other then, not needing to say anything else about the subject.

"Goodbye, Harvey." Paula said, picking up her coat and bag.

"Bye, Paula." He gave her one last smile and that was that.

Therapy was finally complete.

* * *

 **If you made it to the end, congrats! It was slightly draining having to write Paula so much, but she's gone now! Promise more Darvey interaction in the next chapter :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay so it was time I got the PSL family more involved in the drama! It's quite long as I wanted to give each 'scene' with different characters significant meaning for Harvey and Donna. Which results in a dramatic Darvey end scene! This chapter took longer than most so I would love to hear your thoughts! Thanks again for the kind reviews so far.**

* * *

 _Chapter Six: Everyone_

Donna sat in her homely office bright and early the next morning reflecting on the last few weeks, and eventually, the last few years of her life. The building was unusually quiet as she had come in extra early that day. The deafening silence only amplified the painful memories she was replaying inside her head. It had really just hit her fully that she confessed to her lifelong bestfriend of thirteen years that she was in love with him. And he, as per, did not give her much back in return. He just ran away, ran back to _her_. _What did I expect?_

She had tried her utmost best to remain as professional as possible the next day. After all, there were important business matters that needed to be tended to. Their intricate relationship would have to morph into a strictly work-related one overnight.

The morning after the kiss and their painful conversation seemed to be going well. The elevator ride was awkward, but they were civil. Until his politeness turned to abrasiveness five minutes later during that meeting. Giving that can opener back was her way of saying she is over it. Time to move on. _So why did it feel so_ _wrong?_

As she sat there, all alone, victim to each and every one of her insecurities about her relationship with the infamous Harvey Specter, she decided it was time to try to stop feeling like this, once and for all. No man was worth her self-esteem taking a such a huge hit, _I am Donna. And I'm awesome._

Next thing she knew, her phone was ringing, bringing her back to the present moment. She rolled her eyes wondering who could possibly be needing her at this hour. She cursed herself for slightly wanting it to be Harvey. Turned out throwing over a decade of feelings away wasn't as easy as she had hoped.

As she looked to the flashing glass screen she was stunned, not expecting to have to take another call from this person ever again. Her startled eyes relaxed as she took a deep breath and answered the call with silence.

"Donna? Are you there?" an eager accent called out.

"..Yeah I'm here. What do you want?" she asked in a near-whisper, trying not to sound rude.

"Sorry I had to call you so early, It's just that I'm busy all day today.. and I can't get you off my mind. I couldn't wait until tonight. I need to speak to you now."

"Mark. We can't. I'm sorry if I let you believe that there could still be something between us. I wasn't in a great place, emotionally. And I almost did something with you that we would have both ended up hating ourselves for. That's not who I am. I can't see you again." she said firmly.

"I filed for a divorce, Donna." he responded, his last words sinking into her brain as if it were quicksand, engulfing them.

"What? Listen, if you just did that so you could have a guilt-free rendezvous with me then I.."

"Rendezvous? Donna, you should know by now that you mean a hell of a lot more to me than some one night stand. I told you, my wife and I were not happy. So when I got back to Connecticut we sorted through it. It's over." he claimed, hoping to win back her trust.

Donna was overwhelmed. She slouched back in her chair, trying to take it all in. Her now worn-out feelings processor was working on overdrive in her brain. Sifting through emotion after emotion. Thought after thought. "I am genuinely sorry to hear that, Mark. But what exactly did you ring me to say?" she asked cautiously.

"That I want another shot at winning you over." he responded quite confidently.

She couldn't help but release a quick smile. It was nice to feel wanted by someone she used to love. Or almost loved. There was always somebody standing in between her and Mark. _Not any more,_ "Alright, but if you suggest another sleazy hotel hook-up, I'm hanging up!" she toyed.

"Trust me, now that there doesn't have to be anymore sneaking around, I'm showing you off to the world! Well, New York City for now at least." he replied, proudly and flirtatiously.

"And where exactly would that be?" she asked intriguingly.

"Well, at first I was thinking we could go see a play, but then I thought no, I want somewhere more intimate, where we can actually talk and get to know each other, again."

"Central Park." she stated, reminiscently.

"You remember?" he beamed.

"Of course I do! It's where we met." she chuckled.

"I always think of you when I think about there, Donna. We can just go for a stroll, sit by the boat lake and have a picnic."

"Just like old times." she mused joyfully, a toothy-grin rapidly spreading across her face.

"I figured you'd want something relaxing, seeing as you're probably more stressed at work these days, what with your new position at the firm and all."

She hummed in agreement, slightly blushing at his thoughtfulness, "That's very considerate of you, Mark. So, do you have a date in mind?"

"It would be right now if I could, but I'm not in the City again until this weekend. How about Friday evening? I can come by work, or your place, and pick you up around 6?" he said smoothly yet eagerly.

"That sounds perfect to me. At work is fine." Donna smiled, not even considering _who_ might see them there, "But if it rains, the great outdoors can wait!" she teased.

"I certainly don't mind staying indoors with you all day Donna.." His voice suddenly taking a more seductive tone.

Now she was undoubtedly blushing, "Goodbye Mark!"

"Bye Donna, see you soon."

As the redhead ended the call, she felt considerably lighter and brighter. She couldn't help but hide the huge grin on her face as she made her way down to the small kitchen, outside the bullpen. She didn't feel like using the executive one and she could keep an eye on the associates from this one. Even though they were Louis' responsibility, she was a perfectionist and wanted to be in-the-loop with the happenings of each part of the firm. And also, 'Brody' still lived in the smaller kitchen, she made a mental note to buy some of the delicious bear-shaped bottle of honey for the executive kitchen.

Donna was just pouring a drop of the golden syrup into her coffee, when she heard Rachel behind her.

"There you are.. I saw you in your office early this morning but you weren't there when I went back." she smiled.

"Sorry Rach, coffee called! You need my help with something?" Donna asked chirpily, turning around to face her friend, holding the hot blue cup in her hands.

"No. I just haven't seen you much since the trial the other day. I wanted to check up on you is all." she said sweetly as she pulled up one of the canteen chairs, hoping Donna would too.

Donna smiled in gratitude and sat down with her friend, sipping her coffee, "Thanks for your concern Rachel, it means a lot. But I'm fine. We won the case, it all worked out for the better in the end. If you don't count Jessica's disbarment." she replied, trying to sound as positive as possible.

"That may be.. But you were accused of nasty and degrading things in front of a courtroom full of people, Donna. All lies of course, but I'd like to think that I know you well enough by now to know that you might still be hurting a little?" Rachel reached both her hands across to cup Donna's which were clasped together on the table.

Donna went to smile back until the thought of that man unnerved her, "And I'm gonna prove that bastard Malik wrong every day for the rest of my life, Rachel. By working my ass off at this firm and showing anyone that thinks I _slept_ my way to the top, that my _brain_ is the only part of my god damn body that got me here." she blurted out rather bitterly, wounds from the trial clearly still fresh.

Rachel knew her sudden change in tone was aimed at Malik and not her. She nodded proudly at her friend before her eyes dropped to the table and her face turned to wonder.

"What do you wanna ask me now, Rachel?" Donna predicted, all too good at interpreting her friends facial expressions.

"Well.. I haven't been able to stop thinking about what you said at my place the other night. About you ..maybe regretting putting Harvey over yourself?" All she needed now was a shovel to help her dig even further.

Donna let out a deep sigh and glanced around the empty room making sure nobody was within earshot of their intimate conversation. She wished they were in her office for this. Or at her apartment with a bottle of fine wine. Or any wine for that matter, "I know what I said. I was just feeling down in the dumps! Anyway there's no more time for regrets, I have to move on ..that choice was made for me." she said despondently.

"How do you mean?" Rachel asked, becoming perplexed.

Donna paused for a moment, "Rachel I haven't told any one this.. I know I can trust you of course, but I'm not sure that I want Mike knowing, just yet. I'm not asking you to withhold it from him if it comes up, just to not _bring_ it up. I mean I'm sure it'll be public knowledge at some stage, nothing stays secret around here for long!" she scoffed, her nerves causing her to ramble.

"Donna? Just tell me. You're scaring me!" Rachel exclaimed, her topaz-brown eyes filling with worry.

The COO was about to answer when one of the associates walked straight into the kitchen and over to the cupboards for a snack, "Hey kid?! Private conversation going on here. Scram!" she heralded, something her old, humorous self would have done.

He took one anxious look at them and sheepishly left for the bullpen. Her piercing stare followed him until he was well gone. Before then rolling her eyes with a smirk. She turned her head back to Rachel, looking her right in the eye, "I kissed Harvey." she whispered.

Rachel didn't even try to hide her shock. Her lower jaw almost dropped onto her lap. Her eyes bulging considerably, "Wh.. what!?" she grinned, showing all of her pearly white teeth.

Donna just batted her head up and down and momentarily shut her eyes in confirmation of her words.

"Oh my god.. I'm speechless. _When?_ "

"Two nights after the trial." Donna stated.

"What encouraged you to do that? After all this time I mean?" she inquisited.

"You have your fiance to thank for that!" she quipped, raising her left brow before sipping her coffee again, feeling the need to put something between her face and Rachel's incredibly curious gaze, "And Louis.." she mumbled, putting the cup back down.

"I don't understand?" asked the younger woman, squishing her brows into a light frown.

"The night after the trial ..which was the night before I kissed him. Mike was waiting in my office for me. And then out of the blue he starts going on about how he wouldn't be with you if it weren't for me. As if he owed me.."

"And what does this have to do with you and Harvey?" Rachel quizzed, before Donna could fill in the blanks.

"He said that I should tell Harvey how I feel!" explained the redhead, still in slight disbelief at Mike's advice.

"I guess kissing him would do that.." teased Rachel.

Donna grinned before her face retreated to a more concentrated expression.

"What is it, Donna?" Rachel asked anxiously

"Nothing I.. I guess I'm just wondering if Harvey would ever bring himself to have a conversation like this with Mike. Or with any one for that matter! If it even affected him enough to discuss it with somebody.." she questoned dismally, "I don't even know what provoked Mike to play cupid in the first place?" she pondered, looking to Rachel for guidance before noticing her friends guilt-riddled expression.

"Raaachel.." Donna challenged, demanding her friend to come clean.

"I may have had something to do with that Donna.." she began timidly, "I'm sorry.. it's just that I hated how you were feeling, how Harvey was unintentionally making you feel, and Mike could sense I was annoyed.. so I told him some of the details of the conversation we had at my place, the night you told me you regretted putting Harvey over yourself." Rachel ended her confession, feeling rather ashamed.

"Well there's that piece of the puzzle then." Donna chuckled.

"So you're not mad at me?"

"No, Rachel. I'm not mad at you. In the end it was nobody's decision but my own. Truth be told? I needed a kick up the butt. Now I finally know where Harvey and I stand." she said, sounding noticeably disappointed.

"Which is where, exactly?" Rachel pried, hoping for some good news but not feeling like there would be any.

"As separate individuals." Donna stated with a cold gaze, before standing up to put her cup in the sink.

"Donna.."

"Don't Rachel. I hung my heart out for that man and he just left it there for the vultures to peck at." she declared, her eyes beginning to twinkle as tears threatened to form.

Rachel knew there was nothing she could say. Obviously Harvey hadn't given Donna what she had wanted back. _Or was just afraid to,_ "How about Harriet and Michelle go out on a girly date Friday night?" she suggested trying to ease her beloved friend's pain.

Donna, seeing the pity in Rachel's eyes, forced her most Oscar-worthy smile before replying, "As much as I'd love to Rach, I have a date on Friday." she said, trying to vanquish some of her friends sympathy away.

"Ooh.. someone's extra popular with the guys lately.. ditching me for _another_ man?" she smirked.

"Not exactly.. It's the same man." She knew she was about to be judged.

Rachel crossed her brows, "Donna I don't thin-"

"He filed for a divorce. I just got a call from him this morning. He wants us to get to know each other again." she said assuredly.

"I'm happy for you Donna, more than you could know.. B-"

"But?" Donna finished, in her own defense.

"You just went through something huge with being on trial and then Harvey.. Don't you think rushing into things with Mark might be a mistake? You need time to heal." she spoke softly.

"I don't need healing Rachel.. Harvey hasn't broken me. Besides, Mark and I are two adults making adult decisions! How fast or slow we go isn't anybodies concern." she said as warmly as possible.

"Are you sure you want to give up on you and Harvey just like that? I mean I've seen the way he looks at you Donna. He may not know it, or even admit it yet but I've seen it. And I know Mike and I aren't you and Harvey, but I do know how scary it is to take that leap of faith with somebody you work so closely with. And I had only known Mike a fraction of the time that Harvey has known you.. Maybe he's just scared?" Proposed the brunette, somewhat advocating for her boss.

"I'm 'giving up' because he left me no choice. He probably looks at me like a sister more than anything Rach.." Donna shrugged, not really believing it herself, "And scared or not, he's had more than enough time now. I can't put my life on-hold a second longer."

"Uh, I'd sure hope he wouldn't look at his sister the way he looks at you! That would be wrong.. Ooh unless you're his Cersei Lannister!" Rachel giggled at her Game of Thrones joke.

Donna gave her a light-hearted, judgemental smirk, "First of all, he doesn't even have a sister. And second.. I'm trying to move on before I stay stuck in Harvey-infested waters for the rest of my damn life." she sighed.

"Okay Donna. In that case, have a wonderful time. You deserve the best." Rachel replied, whilst masking her concern.

"Thank you, Rachel." Donna smiled and nodded graciously before leaving to go back to her office.

…

Meanwhile at the firm, Harvey had landed in his own office. He was in moderately higher spirits today. Like he was no longer carrying an unhealthy load on his back. Perhaps something to do with last nights therapy session. He could stand tall again. For now, at least.

As usual his mood dimmed the minute Louis step foot inside his office.

"Have you seen Donna? I need her to type up an email for the rest of the partners. They'll have to be formally notified about Jessica's disbarment today and her buy-out still has to be agreed upon. " he affirmed.

Harvey squinted his eyes as he frowned, "Louis, Donna is not a secretary anymore. She's got a lot on her plate now as the firm's COO. Gretchen can do the emails." he declared as he began typing on his laptop, hoping Louis would leave.

"Oh.. so now you decide to care about her?" Louis countered viciously, still annoyed at Harvey for the way he spoke to her in their meeting the previous morning.

"What did you just say to me?" Harvey cocked his head slightly in disbelief, shoulders now straightening.

"You heard me!" Louis retorted.

"Louis. I'm gonna let that one slide because I've known you long enough to know that you've obviously got some other shit going on right now, that you're taking out on me. But if you _ever_ try to suggest that I don't care about Donna again? I'll beat the god damn shit out of you. Now why don't you go find Gretchen and leave me in peace.." he grumbled.

Louis looked like a toddler who just got told off. He inched forward and sat down in the desk chair opposite to Harvey. He seemed deflated now, "I'm sorry Harvey, I know that's not true. You care about Donna ..more than you do about anyone." he said rather matter-of-factly, whilst staring over his colleagues shoulder and out the window.

He didn't notice Harvey's expression. Wondering why Louis would still assume he cared about Donna more than anyone else in his life when he hadn't even told him about his break-up with Paula. _Surely people should think that I care about my girlfriend the most?_

"I guess I just wanted an excuse to talk to her after the other night." Louis rambled on.

"What was the other night?" Harvey asked inquisitively.

"It was two nights after the trial.." began Louis.

Harvey stared at his fellow named partner and swallowed. Knowing what else happened that night. He could feel her on his lips all over again. _Did she tell Louis?_

"I went into her office to apologise for not prepping her for the stand, like she begged me to. She, being the amazing woman she is, understood once I told her about Sheila and-"

"What has Sheila got to do with Donna being on trial Louis?" Harvey frowned.

"Nothing. Its got to do with me ..being a coward and not preparing Donna ..because I didn't want to ask her the types of questions that I knew I would have to. I just kept imagining someone pulling at the fabric of my love life ..my personal life, and I couldn't do it." he said in a grainy tone.

"But you're not with Sheila, Louis?" Harvey blurted out bluntly.

"I slept with her a few nights ago. She's getting married in a couple of weeks, Harvey." Louis said, bowing his head down in shame.

There was a slight pause. Harvey sat back in his chair giving Louis a slightly disappointed, yet more sympathetic look.

"I didn't want to mention it you because I didn't want you to hate me. I know how strongly you feel about that sort of thing." Louis continued.

"I don't _hate_ you Louis. It's not as if you cheated on me.." he mocked, "Not that I'd ever condone that 'sort of thing'.. But I understand. You and Sheila go way back, things become more complicated that way. Some feelings just stick.." Harvey trailed off, now thinking of him and the redhead.

Louis' smile stretched from cheek to cheek, making both his ears rise half an inch, "Thank you, Harvey." he said, before getting up to walk out.

"Louis. I still don't fully understand why you're so concerned about you and Donna? What did you say to her that night?" Harvey quizzed, wanting to find out what had happened with her the night she kissed him. The night they kissed.

Louis stopped to turn back and reply, "I just told her how losing my soulmate had affected me, prior to the trial. That all I wanted to do was tell Sheila how much I loved her and that I know she's with someone else but the man she's meant to be with is standing right in front of her face." He was beginning to get as passionate as he did the night he was saying it to Donna, until he snapped himself out of it.

"Looking back, she seemed pretty shook up about it. I know she's got a big heart and all but, now I can't help but feel as though I struck a cord with her."

"How do you mean?" Harvey said softly, fitting all the pieces together in his head. Trying to, at least.

"I don't wanna give out Donna's personal information, Harvey. But let's just say she had a run in with an old flame recently and I think maybe my spur of the moment speech affected her. I just wanna check up on her is all." Louis said peacefully, before leaving.

Harvey was left baffled. _Old flame? Mitchell? Mark? WHO!?_ Donna had kissed _him_ that night, not an ex.

Then as if a switch flipped inside his tormented mind, he realised Louis wouldn't be fully aware of the extent of his and Donna's relationship. Of course he would think that Donna was reflecting on her ex. But he was adamant now that Louis' words had forced her to think about her and Harvey.

' _Soulmates.'_

He realised that Donna must have been wanting to see if Harvey was her soulmate after all. He couldn't help but feel for her again, now that her sudden motivations to change things between them had been reaffirmed.

He felt utterly useless. What does he do now? He knows Donna is, _or was_ , in love with him. She told him as much the night of the kiss. And he only bailed that night because he was with Paula. Which is no longer the case. And also, because he was scared shitless at being so close to the other side of the line, so tempted to cross it. _Which is still the case._

The thoughts of this ' _old_ _flame'_ was setting fire to his brain.

It was right about that time that the woman occupying each of his burning thoughts strut by his office. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. He didn't want to. Her strawberry-golden locks gracefully bouncing off her shoulders as if she was walking down the runway. Her deep blue dress flowing along with her. And those legs. It was as if time was slowing down. Just before she reached her door she gave a quick glance into his office, meeting his near-drooling gaze. Then she disappeared.

 _I need a drink,_ he thought.

…

It was well after noon now and Harvey had done as much paperwork as he could focus on that day. Without having Paula to keep his Donna feelings at bay, they were quickly resurfacing and multiplying. But he didn't have the courage to go to speak to her. Not with how things currently stood between them. Besides, _what would he say?_

Giving up, he slammed his laptop shut and marched straight to his old office. where he hoped his friend would be. He watched her from the corner of his eye as he passed the transparent glass panels making up one wall of her office. She looked as though she was busy typing.

Harvey cruised into Mike's office, glad to see him there at his desk, "Hey Robin. Let's say you leave what ever do-gooder charity case you're working on and come for a drink with me instead?" he suggested arrogantly.

Mike looked up and laughed, "It's the middle of the day?"

"C'mon.. I promise I won't tell the boss." he winked, giving his signature grin, "You can work on saving the dolphins when we get back."

"I have a shit ton of paperwork to get through for this pro bono Harvey.. And don't you have Jessica stuff to sort out anyway?" he quizzed.

"I do. But it can wait. I need to get out of here for awhile." he said sitting on his old desk then, unconsciously staring out through the glass doors, towards his old secretarie's cubical.

Mike hadn't missed where his bosses eyes were wandering to, "And get drunk?" he asked in a judgey tone.

"Jesus Mike, when did you become such a pussy? I said _a drink,_ not an entire god damn brewery." he hissed back.

Mike really wanted to test Harvey now, to see if he really needed that drink, "Actually Harvey, have you seen Donna today? I need her to-"

"Why the hell does everyone in this god damn firm assume that I have whereabouts on Donna Paulsen, at all times?! I don't have a tracker strapped around her freaking ankle!" he shouted.

Mike could clearly see the inner turmoil in his friend's eyes. It was time he bit the bullet and spoke to _him_ about _her_. Preferably in a bar full of witnesses.. "Alright Batman, time for that drink. You're buying!" he jumped up.

"That's what I like to hear." Harvey said, returning to his normal voice now, realising he had overreacted.

The pair marched out of the office, one of them blissfully unaware of the conversation that the other was planning on having.

…

" _Hi Donna, I just wanted to see if you're okay." .._ "Noo!"

" _Hey there Donna, fancy seeing you here!?" .._ "No, you idiot she works here."

"Wassup girl-friday?! .. "Dammit, she's not a secretary anymore."

Louis was lingering outside Harvey's office door, pacing and running over lines out loud (unknowingly), trying to come up with the best opener for the conversation he desperately wanted to have with Donna. He knew she had accepted his apology but they hadn't spoken much since and he felt nervous going to see her.

"Louis?" He jumped at the call of his name, "My door is wide open, I can hear you out there.." chuckled Donna.

 _You idiot!_ Louis gathered himself before quickly swooping into her office and landing in front of her desk, "Hey Donna, I was just coming to see how you're doing is all." he said scratching his balding head and looking to his left, partially embarrassed.

"Ah, you went with your first line option, I see." she smirked, "The girl-friday one was my personal favourite, pity I'm COO now, it would have made me laugh!" she teased before letting out a chuckle anyway.

"So you're definitely not still mad at me about the trial?" he asked, cracking a smile.

"No Louis! I know your heart was in the right place and you were going through some things of your own at the same time. I said I accepted your apology and I don't make a habit of going back on my word." she smiled up at him.

"Oh thank God! Cause you've been different the last couple of days ..more distant. And I was worried that you might still be holding anger towards me. I don't know what I'd do without the mighty Donna Paulsen in my life." he spoke softly, a worried expression on his face.

"Thank you Louis. I assure you though, it's nothing to do with you. And I am finding my feet again, don't worry." she reassured him.

"That's great, Donna." he replied, his eyes trailing off to the side in thought.

"What is it, Louis?" Her empathetic nature still perfectly intact.

Louis took in a deep breath, "Did what I said the other night about Sheila and I, about soulmates ..impact you? I was so caught up in myself that I just left, but thinking back you seemed ..shaken up over it. I know you were telling me about that ex of yours you met up with? The one you found out was married?"

Donna was caught off guard. She sat up straighter then, blinking more frequently, "I'm fine Louis. It was just a very emotional speech is all. Yes, it got me to thinking about my own love life, I'll admit. But I'm fine now, honestly." she lied to herself.

"Okay Donna. Just know if you ever need someone to talk to about it, my door is always left open for you." he guaranteed her.

"Thank you Louis. And the same to you." she said gently.

She glanced around her office as he left, happy to be in that building for the first time since the kiss, knowing she had made amazing friends and built her own little family there.

 _Now if only Mom and Dad weren't getting a divorce._

…

Harvey and Mike had made it to one of their favourite bars in the city. They sat down, the waiter immediately recognising Harvey and bringing over the usual, two neat tumblers of Macallan 18. They both swallowed a mouthful, Harvey staring at some framed photo behind the bar, Mike staring at Harvey, trying to read his mind. After they finished their drinks and ordered another round, Harvey decided to comment on Mike's side-eyeing glances.

"Have I got something in my teeth, Mike? Or are you just staring at me because you're in love with me?" He mocked, smirking at the younger lawyer.

"Very funny, Harvey.. Actually I'm staring at you because something's not right and I know you're not gonna come out and say it so I'll just have to bait it out of you." he teased.

"Mike. Not everyone has to have issues all the time. I just need a break from the office is all."

They could both almost smell the bullshit off that sentence.

"Harvey, the only time you physically need a break from the office is when there is somebody there that you need to get away from.."

Harvey could feel his friend closing in on him. Like his feelings were a bag of cocaine hidden away in a suitcase and Mike was the sniffer dog, "Like I said, I've got a lot going on at work with Jessica and all.."

"Sure you don't mean Donna?" Mike quizzed boldly, before taking another sip of the amber liquor.

"Excuse me?" Harvey responded, frowning and turning his head towards Mike now.

"Look. I'm not gonna sit here and do the whole 'You're mad at Donna', 'No I'm not' bullshit today. If you wanna do that you can stay here, alone. I've seen how yous have been acting around each other the last couple of days. Now just tell me what happened." he demanded.

Harvey rolled his eyes and stiffened his lower jaw, as he always does when he knows he has been strong-armed, then he let out a defeated sigh through his nostrils and relaxed a bit more, "She kissed me the other night." he said quietly, staring into his drink almost wanting to drown in it.

Mike was expecting him to say that Donna had told Harvey how she felt, like he encouraged her to do a few nights ago. He wasn't prepared for this.

"And I kissed her back.. at least I think I did, she pulled away almost as soon as it had happened. And left." Harvey said, speaking softly whilst reflecting on the vividly raw memory.

"She just left, without saying a word? After kissing you?" Mike was baffled and trying not to show it.

"No. She said something about knowing.. Having to know. Then she walked out." Harvey mumbled.

Mike looked down at the bar's oak counter top which, by now, had a permanently pungent smell of mixed alcoholic beverages, "That part may have something to do with me, Harvey." he replied sheepishly whilst looking up at his mentor.

"What? You asked Donna to kiss me?" he laughed, sarcastically.

Harvey had the glass pressed on his lips ready to take another drink when Mike responded.

"No.. I just told her to tell you how she feels.. Before it was too late."

Without even taking a drink Harvey slammed the glass down onto a bar coaster.

"You did _what?_ " he hissed, squinting his eyes at his protege.

"Look, I wasn't trying to get involved-"

"You sure about that Mike? Cause it seems to me that's exactly what you were trying to do?"

"Harvey! I could see she was hurting! And you were too dumb or too in denial to even pick up on it!" he defended.

"How dare you?!" Harvey's tone was becoming noticeably deeper.

"Why are you this mad at me? I didn't force her to kiss you. It seems to me that was something she wanted to do all on her own." he said adamantly.

"Because thanks to your words of wisdom, _Mike_. I've lost my god damn bestfriend!" Harvey roared.

People were now beginning to hear their altercation above the music, the barman glanced over at the bickering pair. Mike pursed his lips and gave Harvey a solemn yet sympathetic stare, seeing the state he was in.

Harvey hunched his shoulders and placed both elbows on the bar, slouching over his drink now, "Why does every body have to try and fix my personal life?" he mused.

Mike let the question hang awhile before answering softly, not to provoke the retreating bear, again, "Because Harvey.. you refuse to fix it yourself." he replied solemnly.

"I've lost her, Mike." Harvey whispered.

"And yet, she's still right here, still at the firm. So why don't your get your ass out of that chair and go get her back?" Mike hung his head a fraction lower as he realised the answer to his own question, "Ah, Paula."

Harvey let out a dry laugh, causing Mike to furrow his brows at him, "Paula and I broke up."

"What, why? Because of all this?"

 _Because of a can opener_ , Harvey laughed to himself, "Yes, Mike. I told her about the kiss and we talked through our shit, mostly my shit. And then we ended things." he informed him.

Mike let out a tiny smirk knowing Harvey wasn't looking at him.

"What? No commiserations?" Harvey teased.

"I am sorry about the whole mess, Harvey. But I won't lie and say that I'm sad for you that that relationship has ended." Harvey looked bemused, "You were never truly happy with her. She was just a sub, tapping in when Donna tapped out!" he stated, grinning slightly, "So now I am happy that you can find someone you're truly meant to be with." Harvey rolled his eyes in mock annoyance, fully aware of what he was hinting at, "Yeah I'm talking about _her_." Mike finished.

"Too much has been said Mike. She wants to move on. I mean have you seen how different she is lately? Over the last year even? _I did that to her._ It's like I've sucked the life right out of her. I should let her move on. She's better off." The alcohol was beginning to warm his veins, making his tongue more talkative, more honest.

Mike's heart was breaking at his friends bleak admission of guilt, "Harvey, if you really do believe that and you're not willing to fight for a woman like her, then maybe you don't deserve her after all."

Mike let his words sting, knowing his friend needed to hear them, hoping they would act as reverse psychology. Making Harvey realise that he does deserve Donna, "I'll let you think on that. I've gotta get back to work." He stood up and held a hand on his mentor's shoulder for a brief moment before leaving.

Harvey shook his head, annoyed at how everyone seemed to know how he felt and what he should do. His 'Donna poker face' obviously hadn't been as convincing as he thought it was, all these years.

Instead of also leaving for work, he ordered another drink in an attempt to numb his now throbbing heart.

…

It was fastly approaching 7 p.m now and Harvey was nowhere to be seen. And he wasn't answering his phone either. Donna and Louis had to go ahead with the senior partners meeting without him. It was just a formality meeting about Jessica's disbarment, in case anybody had any questions. But it still didn't look good that the Managing Partner was a no-show.

Donna knew this was out of character. As stubborn as he was sometimes, he was still a professional. _Why would he be avoiding everyone's calls?_ She tried not to worry but it was an impossible feat. Her imagination was running away with itself. Wondering if he'd been in an accident or had succumb to another panic attack. She couldn't take not knowing anymore. She had to find out.

The fiery redhead left her own office and marched her way into Mike's, "Do you know where he is?" she grilled.

"Harvey? No." he replied, looking up at her desperate face.

She began pacing somewhat frantically now, "I mean of course he's the one that refuses to act professionally! What does he think he's doing just disappearing for half the day? He's head of this firm now! He can't keep running out on us!"

Mike could see her rant was becoming less about the firm and more about her and Harvey. He inhaled sharply before responding, "I think I know where he might be."

She gave him an accusing stare, wondering why he hadn't told her before the meeting, "We were at that old Irish bar he likes.."

"Yous were out ..drinking?" she scoffed dryly.

"He was stressed Donna. He just wanted to go for one drink. Then things got a bit intense and I left him there, he needed some alone time, to think. I thought he'd be back by now.."

"He's got liquor in his office, why did he have to drag himself all the way out of here and into some shitty bar?" she quizzed, throwing her arms in the air.

He didn't know how to say it. He looked her up and down once, suggesting that she was the reason Harvey had to leave.

"Me? Are you shitting me right now? I've been nothing but professional with him. If anyone deserves to go get a drink it's me for the way he's been acting!" she raved.

"Donna it's not that simple.."

"Oh yeah, how so Mike?" she asked seriously, holding her palms out flat to accompany her question.

Mike stood up from his desk and walked over to his friend. He was standing a foot from her now, face-to-face, "Donna. He's hurting. He misses you. And I don't know how much more I can tell you, other than you really need to talk to him."

"What exactly did he tell you, Mike?" she inquired, furrowing her long, well-groomed eyebrows.

"Enough to know that you may have listened to my advice." he said with a boyish smile, quite proud of himself.

"Well then you'll also know that I shouldn't have. Because it only put us in the exact mess we're in now!" she quipped back, referring to her and Harvey's fall-out.

"Maybe things just have to get a little worse, before they get better?" he suggested optimistically.

She smiled dryly, "Mike, I've been around a little longer than you have and I'm telling you that this is the 'worse', and there is no 'better' coming after it. Not in the way you want it to."

"You mean not in the way _you and Harvey_ want it to?" he pressed.

"Excuse me?" she hissed, cocking her head slightly.

Mike looked at her, firmly holding his ground, not taking a word of it back.

"I've had enough of this, Mike. If you see Harvey, tell him to get his shit together because I'm done worrying about him." she declared as she walked back out.

The young lawyer stood there shaking his head, desperately wondering would the pair ever reconcile before it was too late.

…

Late evening turned to an even later night.

Harvey pulled himself up countless flights of stairs, not trusting his alcohol-lined stomach to survive the elevator. He finally reached the door. The door he has called to in the past, during both moments of lust and vulnerability. He was almost turning back when the sixth glass of whiskey acted for him and his hand rose to knock five times, consecutively. A little harder than he usually knocks. He took a step back, steadying his posture, staring at the shiny digits, _206.. I think that's the amount of drinks that I've had tonight._

Donna knew it was him. She'd recognise his knock anywhere. She got up from her couch with an unease about her, clenching her chest for support, her fingers almost ripping through her beautiful maroon Cashmere sweater. She stood there a moment, waiting to hear him leave.

"Donna?"

 _*Knock Knock*_

"It's me."

She put her ear to the door, trying to figure out if he was slightly slurring his words. _Is he drunk?_

"Donna, please. I know you're home. It's late, you have to be in there." he pleaded.

There was a lengthy silence.

"I'll stay here all night even if you don't open the door. Donna please."

He sounded like he was in physical pain, but she knew he wasn't. She let out a heavy sigh before accepting the fact that she would have to see him. It was easier to deal with seeing him at work in a professional manner. But she knew this was personal. Harvey Specter does not just knock on _206_ for a friendly chat.

She unlatched the lock, swinging the door open, the gust of air forcing her molten locks to fly backwards, "Harvey! It's the middle of the night you don't get to-"

Before she could even think of uttering another word he swooped in on her. Both hands warmly clasping around her long, slender neck. His right one just that bit higher than the left. Fingers gliding through her silk-like strands of honey hair. Unearthing feelings throughout her body that she wasn't even aware she possessed.

And of course, his lips. Now engulfing hers. He deepened the kiss, pushing her back against the door frame gently, but passionately. As their tongues began to dance with one another, she could taste the whiskey off his breath. She frowned in disappointment at herself for letting it go on, placing her own hands onto his to drag them off of her neck. Knowing she wouldn't be able to bring herself to pull away as long as he was holding her.

He frowned back, wondering why she had stopped it. His eyes were watching her, craving her.

Their hands still holding below their hips, they stood there unsure of what to say next.

"I'm sorry, Donna. I guess I just had to know, too." he whispered, inching his face towards hers, until their noses met.

"You're drunk, Harvey." she whispered back hoarsely, her jet black eyelashes blinking uncontrollably, trying to fight back tears.

She closed her eyes trying her best to repress her feelings. The last thing she wanted to do was coerce Harvey into cheating on Paula. And besides, she had just spent the last few days getting over this man, she wasn't going to buckle at the knees over one drunken kiss.

Inhaling deeply, Donna broke their tender embrace and backed inside the door again, towards safer ground, "And you should have _known_ the night I kissed you, Harvey." she replied in a defeated tone.

Her doe-like diamond eyes now hypnotising his despaired stag-brown ones.

His mind completely transfixed on her,

before she slammed the door in his face,

breaking the spell.


	7. Chapter 7

**Very sorry for the wait I didn** ' **t have time to start the next chapter until today!  
** **Didn't mean to do a Korsh and leave it on a Darvey cliffhanger..  
** **Lots more thoughts explored in this chapter, seeing as these two seem to think more than they speak!  
Hope it was worth the wait.  
**

 **WARNING: ANGST**

* * *

 _Chapter Seven: Donna, Harvey and The Door_

Donna locked her door at lightening speed, desperate to put a stronger, more permanent barrier between them than just the doorway itself. She closed her eyes never wanting to open them again, and slid her back down the door until she landed on the floor, feeling like she would collapse if she didn't. She waited to hear him call out to her, but there was nothing. She swore she could hear his feet take a step forward before retreating back down the hallway.

Her head was littered with questions and emotions, blowing around in her overworked brain like leaves in a swelling storm. She couldn't even decide on one feeling to stick with. They were all taking turns at the controlling the forefront of her mind.

Anger. Fear. Hope. Despair. Lust. Love?

She hated herself for allowing it to go on for how ever long it did, the only thing awakening her from his touch being his taste of whiskey. And for not knowing if she would have stopped it had he been sober. But mostly, she was disgusted at herself for turning the incredibly loyal Harvey Specter, into a cheat.

Next on her mind was tomorrow morning. _Not this shit again._ Once more, she would have to face Harvey at the office after yet another passionate, intimate spur-of-the-moment kiss between the pair. She was at a loss thinking of what she would say or how she would even try to conduct herself in the early hours of tomorrow, and throughout the day.

She reluctantly pulled herself up off the floor, backside now slightly numb, she was completely unaware of how long she had actually been sitting there, frozen in thought. She made her way towards the bottle of red wine waiting for her on her kitchen counter. The one she was about to open when a certain someone came knocking. She poured herself a generous glass full, took a sip and began feeling angry again. _He only wants me when hes been drinking all day? What did he expect? That I just crawl into bed with a drunken mess?_ The more she thought, the hotter her blood became. Just sitting on her couch all night, because there was no way she would be getting an early night now, would be a fruitless effort. She decided to take action, like the night she kissed him, but not that kind of action.

Donna slammed the wine glass down on the coffee table, silently thanking herself that it didn't break, and rushed around her apartment to find her long black woolen winter coat. She threw it on, picked up her keys and left.

 _He had the courage to come to me asking questions the night I kissed him, so I get to do the same._ She had to keep reassuring herself of this during the cab ride over to Harvey's apartment so she wouldn't let fear change her mind.

As she stepped out of the taxi, she looked up at the luxurious building where he lived. Bitter cold chills ran through her entire body. She lowered her chin into her coat which was zipped up to the full, covering her entire neck. Her lava-like locks lay perfectly over the black fabric. She was unsure if she was just cold because of the wintry night, or because of what she was facing. What she had to bring herself to do next.

As she made her way into the lobby, she gave the familiar concierge a nod. He knew to let her up by now. Her charm had made sure of that. Which was convenient now that she no longer had a key.

 _Paula.._ Donna hadn't even thought of her until now. _What if she's here? With him._ Her heart began sharply thudding inside her chest. Then it just began to ache at the thought of them up there together. She had left in such a hurry that she didn't even bring her phone, so calling him wasn't an option.

She shook her unhelpful logic away and used her 'Donna' brain to think this one through. She realised that Paula would likely be at her own house tonight seeing as Harvey had the audacity to come all the way to her apartment drunk, in the middle of the night. It wouldn't be likely that he was leaving his girlfriend at home to go and find her, she reasoned.

It was unusual that she hadn't detected the break-up. Her head was too messed up from the last few days events. She was off her game.

Before anything else could convince her otherwise, the redhead was pressing the elevator button. If the _asshol_ _e_ didn't have the penthouse apartment overlooking the city skyline, she would have taken the stairs, to buy her some more time. She wasn't much of a procrastinator, especially in her work life, but this task was significantly more personal than her usual day-to-day ones, more gut-wrenching.

As she approached his door, she gave herself a minute to collect her thoughts. And catch her heart. Securing it in place.

She raised her right hand and gave five light knocks. Praying it would be Harvey that answered.

…

That door slamming in his face was a painful wake-up call. Almost completely sobering him up. He took one step towards it, wanting to call her name, to apologise. But instead he took the easier option and fled. Feeling like they both needed some space.

He didn't have Ray waiting for him. He had walked to Donna's from the bar that night, and decided to walk home too. Although in the shivering cold, his lips were still warm from hers. He figured he needed the New York cold air to clear his thoughts. But all it did was freeze them. Causing them to stick into his brain like sharp, invading icicles.

 _This is Donna. What the hell were you thinking? That she would just bend at your will and fall into your drunken arms? She's better than that._ These being the words his sobering mind was beginning to spit at his still slightly drunk one.

On his journey home, with his tail still planted firmly between his legs, he passed a building he had only been in twice. _With her._ That time after _the other time_ , when he asked her to come work for him again, and then a second time when he found her to tell her that he was in fact bothered by her seeing Stephen Huntley.

He stared solemnly into the blackened diner.

All this time he has been afraid to tell her, to touch her, to show her how he really felt. He had put so much energy into abiding by her rule, out of respect for her and then eventually convenience for him, that he had started to view her as this untouchable ornament. A uniquely beautiful one that you can't stop admiring, and love to show off. But one you don't want to hold in case you drop it. One you don't want other people to hold in case they break it ..or steal it. He has always seen her as this angelic life force, not wanting to taint her beauty or pollute her soul with his devilish ways.

As he entered his empty bachelor-pad, he couldn't help but remember how homely it felt whenever Donna had paid a visit. Ones which were almost always surprise, unannounced ones. But he loved that. Even the dreams he has had of her were warm and bright, a direct contrast to the dull room he would wake up in.

Then he realised he hadn't even told Donna that he was no longer with Paula. He frowned at the thought of it. His ex-therapist turned ex-girlfriend hadn't even crossed his mind when he was over there. He was just so focused on seeing the redhead. On feeling her lips against his, again.

He threw his keys on the counter with a defeated sigh, dreading the morning already. _What must be going through her mind?_

As he climbed into bed, slightly fatigued from the long walk home, he looked to the empty space on the right. His imagination filling in the canvas-white sheets with honey-like hair and ivory freckled skin. He thinks of what it would be like to watch her sleeping. And dreaming. And what she looks like waking up. All pretty small things, but for someone he has known for the better part of thirteen years, he realised he didn't know near as much about her as he wanted to.

His bed was cold, and his heart empty. Or was his bed empty, and his heart cold? Both seemed to fit.

Whatever alcohol was still left in his system was soothing him to sleep. He slowly drifted off, dreaming of Donna coming over to his apartment in the midnight hours, knocking on his door, " _Harvey. It's me. Open up."_ , until he realised it wasn't a dream.

…

Biting her lower lip and rolling her eyes, Donna began to walk away whilst shaking her head slightly. Mad at herself for having bothered to track him down at all. Just as she had her back turned, she heard the door opening behind her, sending shivers down her long spine.

 _Please be Harvey. Please be Harvey._

She spun back around, her prayers had been answered.

However, as soon as she gazed into those deep hazel eyes, she found herself almost wishing it had of been Paula, for at least that woman's eyes were not her Achilles heel.

They only spoke with their despair-filled expressions.

Donna walked right passed him then, her left shoulder grazing against his arm, and into his kitchen to sit down on one of the high stools accompanying the island. She zipped down her coat slightly but left it on, to show that she didn't need to stay long. Even though she found herself wanting to.

Harvey shut the door and hung his head slightly. Fear taking over his body, unsure of how he should explain himself. On the contrary, he was relieved that they were getting it out of the way now, instead of at work.

He wandered his way back into the kitchen. There was only one thing he knew he wanted to get out straight away. He looked over at her perched up on his chair, gazing cautiously around his apartment as if expecting other company. He waited for her eyes to meet his.

"She's gone." Harvey stated. "For good." Donna lowered her brows both in shock and perplexity, "Paula and I broke up."

Her heart missed a beat, or two. Her bottom lip fell, leaving her mouth slightly agape. She was unable to bring herself to speak yet. Though her guilt-stricken face said it all.

Harvey smiled softly before looking down, "It wasn't because of you.." he reassured her, "Well, not in that way at least."

Donna was only becoming more confused as the conversation (if that's what you would call it) progressed. Harvey realised he wasn't being very clear as to why they had broken up. He moved closer to her, so he was standing at the corner of the island counter-top, less than two feet from where she was sitting. He pulled up a chair also and sat down. His gaze shuffling back and forth between her sparkling, marble-like eyes and her long, plump, rosy lips, "We broke up after I told her about the kiss the other night. Our kiss.. But that doesn't mean it was your fault and I don't want you thinking that. Ever." he affirmed her, his voice getting ever so close to the soft, lovable tone he only ever uses for her.

Her eyes began blinking the way they only do for him. Like two butterflies, simultaneously dancing their way around the sky, "What else am I supposed to think, Harvey?" she replied nervously, trying her hardest not to break eye contact.

"The truth." he replied, "That I came home, the night after we kissed. She could sense something was up with me ..something to do with you. I came clean, like I was always going to do, and then we discussed a lot of things that needed to be aired out." He was watching her face like a hawk, "We ended it." he said firmly.

"Harvey.. you had nothing to come clean about. I kissed you! That's not your fault. I practically forced your part in this. For my own selfish reasons." she countered, trying to take all of the blame.

"Yeah, well you didn't force me to feel something in return. To want more the second you pulled away." he said in a warm voice, murmuring slightly.

She closed her eyes and turned her head back straight. Away from him on her right, sitting so close to her, yet at the same time sat too far apart. She then refocused her gaze to his right hand planted firmly on the icy marble counter, as if it was reaching out to her. She let out a defeated chuckle.

Harvey looked bewildered, "What?" he smirked shyly.

"Nothing it's just.. we've literally touched more times in the last couple of days than we have in the last couple of years!" she scoffed.

Harvey bowed his head, looking down at his lap. He smiled sadly, knowing it was the truth. _Time for honesty,_ he thought, "Touching you just made it harder and harder to stick to your rule, Donna. Eventually even bumping shoulders became too much to bare. I constantly had to try and resist wanting more. So I shut you out in that way."

"But why d-" She was cut off.

"Because.. A handshake reminds me of the night we met. A hug? I don't think I could let go. And when you kissed me the other night.. it brought me right back to you know exactly where and when." he raised his eyebrows at his reference to _the other time,_ "So I took the easy route and ran out, intent on focusing on her rather than the woman that I might actually be meant to be with. The woman whose very presence in my life makes me a better man. Makes me feel worthy. And loved. Truly and unconditionally." he muttered lightly, desperate to get as much out before he could bottle up his emotions.

Donna was tempted to pinch herself. This couldn't be real. _He's actually discussing his feelings ..for me ..with me?_

"And the thought of not being able to fulfill that gap in your life the way you so effortlessly do it for me, petrifies me Donna." he finished in eager anticipation of her response.

The emotionally vulnerable, yet in-tuned man sat before her astonished her. And amazed her. Before it saddened her. Why? Because it made her think of the woman that made it all possible, the woman who helped Harvey become more aware of his feelings, enough to be able to speak openly like this. And that woman was not her. But not for her lack of trying. She sells herself short, thinking her many years of trying to help her bestfriend fight his inward emotional battles had been for nothing. That she couldn't do the job Paula seemed to excel at.

Harvey noticed her dismal reaction and frowned, inching towards her ever so slightly, "Talk to me, Donna. What's on your mind? " he asked, almost whispering.

She laughed inwardly at the bizarre role reversal they were undertaking, Harvey pleading for Donna to confess her feelings and Donna being the silent one, "Jealousy." she stated staring at her hands, fingers anxiously fiddling with one another.

"What do you mean, jealousy?" he replied, now fully speaking with his soft tone of voice that only Donna has ever heard.

"That she could do for you what I failed miserably at." she sighed.

"What?" he asked, bewildered.

"She fixed you right up." she smiled dryly, " Until I came along and messed it all up with that kiss. She was probably good for you, Harvey. I couldn't bring myself to admit that and I didn't want to believe it because then I never would have kissed you. And I'd still be sat at home all alone, wondering if the man I'm supposed to be with is the one I've been bestfriends with for the last decade of my life."

A sneaky tear fell out of the corner of her left eye and slowly found its way down her smooth cheek. Like a raindrop trickling down a window pane. Without a single thought or any hesitation, Harvey's right hand moved up to her face. His fingers resting close to her ear whilst his thumb wiped away the tear. He let his hand stay there for longer than necessary, scared he would never get to touch her like this again, wanting the moment to last a lifetime. His warm, strong palm was a gentle reminder of what she craved all this time but could never have. She closed her eyes for a moment to take it in. To capture the feeling.

"She only had the chance to ' _fix'_ me ..because I was broken after losing _you_." he whispered, before releasing his hand from her warmth and back to the cold counter-top, "Donna, don't underestimate yourself. You're the only person in the entire world that could convince me to go see my mother. Thanks to you, I'm on good terms with my family for the first time in over a decade. For the first time since she left us." He looked at her lovingly then, wearing a grateful smile.

She half-smiled back. Her eyes still lost in thought. Harvey could see she needed to hear more. He needed to build her self-esteem back up to its former highest level by telling her more of the truth, "In therapy.." he began, causing her to look up at him with intrigue, "She ..Paula ..would have us do exercises where I talked to her as if she was you."

Donna raised her brows and her heart began to flutter, completely unable to think of what he might say next.

"I mean, I know all of my issues weren't related to you, and I don't want you to think that and feel bad. But you leaving ..to work for Louis was the trigger of it all." His eyes were intensely searching hers for a reaction, "Anyway, I would pretend I was talking to you, through her. And she would respond and I don't even know if what I was hearing were actually her words or the words I wanted to hear from you. It was crazy. Intense. And I know now.. that it's how my feelings for _yo_ _u_ got transferred onto _her_."

His last sentence dropped like a bomb. Her face remained steady, except for her eyes which were getting whiter and whiter as they gradually opened up. She was stunned. It made so much sense and at the same time made none at all. She didn't know how to feel or how to react. She wanted to run out the door before she ran into his arms.

However, she still needed an explanation for the reason she came over in the first place, "Why did you kiss me, Harvey?" she said seriously.

"Why did _you_ kiss me, Donna?" he echoed light-heartedly _,_ a rhetorical question, implying that his reasons were the same the ones she had given him the night of the kiss; he just had to know.

She shook her head lightly and bit the inside of her bottom lip, "Harvey, I still have to weigh everything up. It's not as simple for me as it would be for you." she replied despairingly.

"How do you mean?" he asked, squinting his eyes.

"My career, Harvey. You know what it would look like if-"

"Well why did you kiss me then? Why did you start all of this?" he raised his voice an octave or two, whilst also raising to stand and throwing his hands in the air in defeat, becoming rather defensive.

She matched his pose, standing up to be level with him. Feeling too under the spotlight still seated, "Because, Harvey! I wanted to know if you were worth breaking my rule for. Or maybe even changing jobs for. And if my feelings were real enough to even consider doing either. And they were. Which scared the shit out of me!" she fired back.

"Donna.." he spoke softer now, "I don't want you to leave the firm. You're not my secretary anymore. It wouldn't be as complicated now. We.." He stopped mid-sentence. He wasn't even sure of what he was trying to say. The thought of her leaving caused him to nervously ramble.

Donna continued on her own rant, "And then I thought.. what if something were to actually happen between us? And then it ended. I would have to leave work. And then I would be left without you _an_ _d_ the firm. The two biggest things in my life!" she added, her voice becoming shakier.

"And I would have been left without _you_ in the firm! In my life! I understand that more than you think Donna, that's exactly how I've felt all these years. Afraid to risk anything. Better to have you in my life as a friend than not at all." He paused to catch his breath. He could hear his heart beating inside his ears. The adrenaline was coursing through his body now that he was actually admitting his most sacred secrets to her. It was 'fight or flight' time and he was determined not to do the latter.

"And what would people say, Harvey?" she cut in.

"Exactly what they already god damn say, Donna! And who gives a crap? You're really gonna give up on the chance at something special because of the opinions of a few sheep?! Because of your precious rule, again?"

She, for one of the few times in her life, had nothing to say.

"You know what? I'm actually offended. Stephen Huntley was good enough for you to throw your morals away for, _but not me?_ " he bellowed, his voice almost caving towards the end.

"That was different Harvey and you know it!" she defended.

"HOW?" he demanded.

"Because! He was just a fun hook-up! It's not as if I was _in love_ with the man!" She paused, realising what she had just hinted at. She let out a deep sigh, tears trickling down her pale cheeks. It was the second time she had admitted to being in love with him in three days. She was somewhat disappointed in herself given that he could never even bring himself to say it back. Yes he has said 'I love you' a couple of times, but his declarations were always missing one word. Two letters. "I needed to live my life.." she whispered.

Harvey could see her shouting out for something more from him. Like that night a few months back when she literally said she wanted 'more'. He didn't know what to do or what to say. The old him was creeping back in and he couldn't bring himself to say those words she so desperately needed to hear. Maybe he wasn't so ready after all. His fear of confessing one hundred percent of his feelings only to someday lose her anyway, was still very much present. Abandonment issues still lingering in the background like a persistent shadow.

She looked at him hopelessly after failing to get the response, the words from him, that she wanted, as he just stared at her sorrowfully. She rose her chin and straightened her posture, to regain some confidence, "Which is what I'm finally doing now." He inched his head to the right in minor bemusement, awaiting an explanation, "I'm seeing Mark again, Harvey."

Harvey's heart fell into his stomach. Or so it felt anyway. His jaw clenched and his eyes bulged. Chest rising and falling at a quicker speed. He could sense those all too familiar feelings of panic and anxiety swarming their way throughout his entire body, "Donna.." he mumbled, clenching his fists.

"He's not afraid to love me." she whispered, eyes flickering under the light above.

"He bailed on you before, Donna." Harvey said, mustering up every ounce of energy he could to try and speak. He knew he was being a hyprocrite considering how many times hes ran out on her but he felt like he was losing her for the dozenth time this year and he couldn't stand it.

"Because I was afraid to love him! Or I just didn't let myself.." she countered.

"Because of me?" he retorted.

She looked away.

"I never asked you to choose me Donna. I never asked you to put your personal life on hold for the firm ..for me." he defended, trying to gather himself. He hated saying that, somehow feeling that deep down he unconsciously had been asking her to do that all these years. But he was getting somewhat frustrated now and he wasn't thinking with as clear a head as before.

"I know you didn't." she said with a forlorn smile, "Not with your words anyway."

Nail. Hammer. Head.

"I have to put him first this time, Harvey. What kind of a person would I be if I didn't make a go of things just because you're finally ready to touch on this void that has been between us for as long as I can remember?! I can't do that to him again. I have to see where things go." Now she was the one choosing someone else over Harvey, after a passionate kiss between the pair.

He may not have liked the situation they were in but he respected loyalty and he couldn't argue that, "I'm sorry Donna." he said hoarsely, "I never would have kissed you had I known you were fixing things with him _._ " He couldn't bring himself to say Mark's name.

"Was that a dig at me? ..Because I kissed you when you were with her?" she quizzed.

"What? NO!" he replied honestly.

There was a silence that dragged out to an awkward length.

"Harvey, this clearly isn't going anywhere." Donna began, waving her finger back and forth between the two of them, "But I can't go back to that awful tension at work. And I'm not quitting, I've worked too hard to just throw it all away."

"I'd never expect you to do that, Donna. The firm would be a mess without you. I would be a mes-" He stopped himself realising he should no longer try to win her over. _Let her be happy with him._

All that did for her was confirm that he isn't fully ready. She needed a man with at least as much emotional intelligence as her, "So what do you say we at least be work friends? No awkward meetings, snide remarks or misscommunications. No more surprise kisses.. We have a firm to run. Let's get back to business. Put all this behind us." she pleaded softly, offering a sweet smile.

He looked absolutely devastated. Just as he did the night she walked out of his office after saying she was leaving him.

"I know it won't be like before, Harvey. It can't, but we can at least still try to be ourselves around each other, can't we?"

"Okay Donna." he replied dismally, his tone becoming raspier.

They both tried to fake a smile. She broke the heart-aching eye contact and looked down, zipping her coat back up fully.

She swallowed before speaking again, desperate to not let her voice crack and undo all the work she had put into trying to sound calm and composed, "Okay, Harvey. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

He was staring at the ground now, all he could hear were her boots clinking against the hard flooring making their way out of his apartment. His mind and body flooded with waves of sheer panic. His throat was as dry as a desert. His eyes began to sting and glisten with a layer of unshed tears.

Her words from years before now whispering into his ear. Repeating themselves like a broken record.

' _No one is leaving you.'_

Then a door slammed on his heart for the second time that night.

* * *

 **okay so now that they've had a more two-sided conversation about their feelings, Harvey will start to get his shit together in the next few chapters once he speaks to a certain someone(s) ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi guys! It took me awhile to see where exactly I wanted to go with the next chapter but I finally managed to stick with a plan.**  
 **We see Donna and Harvey give up on being strictly 'work colleagues' and allowing themselves to be 'work friends'.** **Which obviously isn't as easy as they had initially hoped. Pushing Harvey to the edge in the end.**  
 **Hope you enjoy. Feel free to review** **! X**

* * *

 _Chapter Eight: Harvey and the Green-Eyed Monster_

As Donna closed the door behind her she leaned back against it, right hand still firmly clasped on the cool metal handle, needing all the support she could get. She slammed her eyes shut and all of the tears she was desperately trying to keep hidden found their way down her face. She began silently sobbing, back hunched, shoulders bouncing up and down.

Choosing Mark over Harvey was the hardest thing she has ever had to do. She was fully aware of Harvey trying to confess his feelings for her, she knew she was being critical by wanting to hear him say that he's _in love_ with her. It was her fear making her find the smallest reason not to fall into his arms. A protective mechanism.

After all this time wanting Harvey to have the conversation he just had with her, it actually petrified her. Because now instead of him being this forever unattainable love interest, they were actually getting close to going somewhere. She had gotten so used to him not giving anything back in that way, that she didn't know how to cope with the newest version of Harvey. Almost as emotionally ready as she needed him to be. Almost.

Those two extra letters still haunting her mind. _Was it really such a big deal? I'm sure he'd say it eventually._ But maybe it was a big deal. He still couldn't bring himself to tell her he was in love with her after she had straight out told him as much the other night, and practically a second time just moments ago.

However, on the forefront of her mind whilst Harvey was opening up to her was Mark. She almost didn't even mention him to Harvey. Until she had to. All she could think was how her once blossoming relationship with an incredible guy began to crumble because she couldn't put him over work. It was just too important. Or was it just her boss that was?

She then remembered her younger self justifying her actions, deep down hoping that someday soon Harvey would be ready for her. And look at them now, years later and she was still in the same position, with _him_.

She wanted to keep her integrity this time around and give the man who was willing to love her fully and openly, a chance. Besides, she couldn't have started something with Harvey tonight knowing Mark was out there somewhere, excited for Friday's date. Her empathy getting in the way of a chance at something incredible. Donna bowed her head before straightening up again. She wiped her tear-stained cheeks and found her way back down into the lobby to hail down a cab.

The knot in her stomach telling her she was making a huge mistake.

The ache in her heart telling her she should go back to his apartment.

The thoughts in her head telling her that they were both wrong.

…

Harvey remained in the same spot for another 15 minutes or so. As frozen as he was the night she kissed him.

He hated himself.

For not being able to toss away his biggest fears for the woman he knows that he loves. But maybe that was it. Maybe loving her _wa_ _s_ his biggest fear, he began to realise. Not losing her, not hurting her ..but loving her. Because that came with the risk of all the others.

He fought gravity and pulled himself over to his decanter sat neatly on a small, dark, oak table. He poured a generous glass of Scotch for himself. As he brought the glass to his lips, he closed his heavy, darkened eyelids and sighed. _What's this gonna do for me,_ his thoughts as he went to put the glass down.

His eyes landed on the cactus sat on the coffee table to the left of him. Almost mocking him after the conversation that just unfolded. It was a gift she teasingly gave him knowing any other plant would be too needy and he would let it die. Oh the irony.

The frustration built inside him and he swung his right arm back, throwing the half-full glass against the light brick wall surrounding the fire. As he watched the liquor trickle down the cracks and crevices of the wall, he felt dampness on his cheeks. Thinking it was some of the scotch after splashing back onto his face, he rose his right hand to wipe it away. That's when he realised he was crying. Those un-shed tears eventually became too heavy a burden for his eyes to carry any longer. He stared at his tear-soaked thumb and fingers which he had just used to wipe away her tears moments before.

Unable take it any more he retreated back to bed. After nearly two hours of tossing and turning his freighted eyes gave in to their own heaviness and shut closed.

…

As Harvey made his way into work that morning none other than the redhead was sitting in his office, waiting for him. He slowed down upon seeing her her to collect his thoughts, before picking up speed again and marching through the door.

It felt oddly warmer in his office than usual. Especially for this time of year. The sun was shining brightly through the huge glass windows, airing out the entire space with an almost heavenly glow.

"What can I do for you, Donna?" he asked in a monotone voice.

She turned her head upon hearing him and her eyes followed him to his chair sat opposite her. Only his desk in between them, "Harvey. It's time we take action and change the name up on the wall." she stated.

"We will, in due time." he frowned.

"No Harvey. Now." she said in an unusually harsh tone, "It's time you accept the fact that you have to do this on your own now."

"On my own? Last time I checked Louis' name was still up on that wall ..and I have you?"

Donna looked down at her lap with a saddened expression on her angelic-like face. It was at that exact moment Harvey heard rather loud drilling noises coming from the reception area. He furrowed his brows. Donna looked up at him then with a straight face, no expression whatsoever.

Harvey leaped out of his chair and marched to the elevators. It was there that he saw a handy man with his back facing him, hacking away at the letters that now spelled ' _SON SPECTER LITT'_.

"Put that damn thing down right now!" he roared at the man.

He didn't answer. Or else he couldn't hear over the noise of the drill. Harvey walked over and aggressively put his left hand on the man's right shoulder. He turned him around and under the navy cap and overalls was Louis Litt.

"Louis?! What the hell do you think you're doing?" exclaimed a baffled Harvey.

He just smiled sternly and replied, "You're on your own now, Harvey."

Donna appeared behind him then, a captivating glow seemed to follow her where ever she went, "It's okay, Harvey." she smiled.

Harvey spun back around to meet her sweet voice.

" _No one is leaving you."_ her words echoed.

He stared at her with panic in his eyes. He moved towards her, closer to the sun-like warmth that was a comfort to him.

"Donna. I'm so sorry." he said, voice cracking as he reached out to put his hands on her naked arms.

She took a step backwards, "You don't love me Harvey." she whispered, her mint-brown eyes paralysing him.

"I do. I do Donna. I love you!" he shouted adamantly, "I'm in lo… I'm", still unable to utter all the right words collectively.

It was then he heard the screeching noise start up again. He turned his gaze back towards the handyman. Towards Louis. He was moving his way towards the end of the silver lettering now.

"What's happening Donna?" Harvey asked looking back to her, voice quivering.

"You've gotten what you want, Harvey." she stated, a heart-broken smile spreading across her face.

The noise stopped. He glanced back towards Louis but Louis was gone. All that remained was one name. In large shiny capitals.

' _SPECTER'_

All alone up on the great big wall.

His heart was racing. He couldn't move. He turned back to Donna, desperate for the slightest bit of the comfort he found earlier.

" _I'm leaving you, Harvey."_ she declared with a sad smile on her face, identical to the one she wore the last time she had said it.

She gave him one last glance and turned around to walk away. Her white, flowing dress smacking against the backs of her knees. Her pale-nude heels thudding against the carpet with every step she took. Making her way out of his sight. Out of his life.

"DONNA!" he shouted.

But nothing came out. Or was she just ignoring him?

He was on his own in the now darkened reception area.

Staring at his name up on the wall.

Which looked just as lonely as he felt.

…

Harvey shot up out of bed. Gasping for air. Chest rising and falling in sync with his quickening heartbeat. His forehead was glistening with sweat. His breath rapid and ragged.

As he became more conscious and familiar with his surroundings he sat back, elbows against the firm mattress, and hung his head back against the headboard. The morning light seeping in through his grey curtains.

When his pulse slowed down, his mind sped up. This was not a coincidence. He knew it had meaning. He thought back to therapy, wondering why he was still having the same type dreams with the same exact theme; him being abandoned. He had made up with his mother so it didn't make sense to him that this was still an issue. And how it was always Donna he seemed to be losing in these dreams. Well, nightmares.

He remembered Paula saying that Donna was a representation of his mother leaving him. He always let himself believe that, it was convenient to not have to think why he was dreaming about his then secretary in his bed, twice. But now that explanation was harder to swallow. He was on good, speaking terms with his mother of late so it didn't sit as easy with him this time around.

It was blatantly obvious to him then that he just dreamed of her because he felt as if he had lost her, again.

He had lost his soulmate.

He let her go.

…

They didn't see much of each other in work the next day. Whether that was intentional or not, neither of them were sure.

Harvey focused on crunching numbers with Louis and they finally agreed upon a buy-out number for Jessica. Which definitely lightened their pockets a substantial amount.

Donna finalised the press release and the word was finally out there, to the general public. She compiled a list of all Jessica's clients still at the firm before inviting them to her official going away party in the coming week.

Louis had come up with the idea (amidst Harvey and Donnas fall-out and then somewhat fall-in) and every one had agreed it was a good idea, including Ms. Pearson. It would give them a chance to win over their former Managing Partner's clients and assure them that they are still in very capable hands if they stick with Specter Litt. And also, it would give the PSL family one last get together before the reigns are officially handed over to Harvey and Jessica's name taken off the wall.

Harvey was out for the entire second half of the day, chasing some lead on a case for a client.

Donna was relieved to find his office empty. The close proximity of their work spaces distracted her too much for her liking now. She left some paperwork on his desk before leaving to go home for the night.

…

The next morning followed all too quickly. They both knew they wouldn't be as lucky today and would have to see more of each other.

Harvey waltzed into his office and cornered his desk. Head angling towards the paperwork neatly laid out on top of it, straight away indicating who had gently placed it there. He went to pick it up as he heard a light tap on the glass panel some ten feet away.

It was her. Bright and beautiful. Standing in his doorway, right hip slightly teasing the glass. And him.

She wore a little black number, clinging to her body from the waist up, then becoming daintier from the waist down to where it ended right above the knees. Chest slightly exposed with a V-line as she was feeling more confident today. And she needed something suitable for both work and her imminent date, knowing she wouldn't have the time to go home and change. Her feet decorated by black Louboutins with a slight undertone of royal blue, undetectable to most eyes. She also wore a friendly smile. She was desperate to get the ball rolling on this whole 'work friends' thing and wanted to see how well it could go. Or how badly it might.

"Donna." His eyebrows pushing the lines in his forehead upwards.

"Just saw you come in. I wanted to make sure you got that file. Which I can see you did so.." she said somewhat awkwardly turning back around.

As much as it pained him to talk to her after their conversation in his apartment two nights ago, watching her walk out was even more agonizing. Especially with that dream still fresh in his mind, "Uh yeah, thanks Donna." he spat out quickly to get her to face him again.

"I see Jessica's send off is officially a-go then." he nodded.

"Yes. Thank god! We need a party to lighten the mood around here!" she grinned.

Harvey, still standing upright behind his desk with all the tension in the world held in his broad shoulders, bent his head down fractionally, looking to the floor just in front of her.

She panicked. Thinking he took that as something to do with their situation, rather than Jessica leaving, which is what is was about ..she thinks, "What with after the trial and everything.. a party will be good! Some fun!" she smiled, inching her way inside his office ever so slightly, "One giant middle finger up to Malik."

He looked up and pushed his lips together with a smirk, nodding and blinking slowly, "It will." he agreed, inwardly beaming at how radiant she was, especially when she was being feisty.

They shared a three second glance that felt like a century.

 _Don't look at her lips._

 _Don't look at his lips._

"I'm glad we're able to do this, Harvey. It isn't so bad." she said softly, lightly gesturing towards the space between them, pointing out their developing working relationship.

He gave her a short smile, for her sake only. He himself, wanted to flip the desk out of his way and march over to her and show her exactly how he really felt. Seeing as he was useless at telling her. But that didn't bode too well for him the last time. Having a good working relationship was almost harder than actually fighting with and then avoiding her. It felt like he was losing her even more now, somehow.

As she walked back into her office she let out a shaky sigh. She knew she would have to be the one to steer their once passionate friendship towards a healthy and successful working partnership, but that didn't make it any easier.

Once again they were brushing their intimate actions and feelings under the firm's carpets in order to be able to productively work under the same roof together. They had never needed to navigate this kind of purely working relationship before and it did not come natural to either of them. At all.

…

The redhead picked herself up from her desk after hours buried in emails and paperwork. Hours spent dotting the i's and crossing the t's. Which her many years of secretarial work had excelled her at. Her work ethic was impeccable. She made her way towards her friend's office. Wanting to see her again after their deep conversation the other day.

"You busy?" she asked hopefully.

Rachel looked up from her work with a relieved smile on her face upon seeing her favourite friend, "Never too busy for you, have a seat." She gestured towards the chair on the other side of her desk whilst closing over a purple folder.

"I didn't know our filing system budget stretched to anything more exciting than shades of beige, brown, blue and black." she mocked, famously quirking that left brow of hers, knowing exactly what was inside the folder.

"You got me." smirked the younger woman.

"Spill. I want all the news!" Donna beamed, eyes popping whilst seating herself down.

Rachel was bursting with delight as she whipped the folder back open, "Okay, so here's the dress! Well at least I think it is.. it's front-runner for now anyway. I wanted to get your opinion on it first."

Donna pressed her lips together as her cheeks rose with pure contentment. She was so happy to be talking and thinking about something other than work. Something other than Harvey. Something to ease her mind instead of tormenting it, "Rachel. That is ..stunning. I don't even have the words."

"Okay. It's the one then! If _you_ of all people do not have the words, then it's perfect." she giggled.

Donna gave her a light-hearted glare before reaching out to confidently steal the folder from Rachel's hands.

As she flicked through page upon page of magazine cut-outs and online print-outs, her smile gradually disappeared and she didn't even feel it happening. _Bouquets. Ribbons. Dresses. Suits. Cakes. Churches. Rings._ It hit her for the first time that she had never put much thought into her own wedding. Not since she was in her late 20's, before she met an aspiring lawyer. She didn't know what exactly she was feeling let alone how to even process it. Very unlike her usual emotionally-intuitive self. _Do I want to get married? No.. Who would I even marry? Mark's only been back in the picture two minutes._ She never actually had to think about it before because she has never let a man stick around long enough to even allow herself to think about it. The closest thing she has had to a long-term relationship was the mostly platonic, yet anything but, one she and Harvey have been having all these years.

Just as Donna's mind was leading her towards her boss, Rachel noticed her dampening expression and stepped in, "They're just silly little things I've saved from trashy bridal magazines, nothing special.."

Donna snapped out of her solemn mood remembering where she was, "It's beautiful Rach. Everything.. it's so you." she said, radiating a now painted-on smile.

Rachel wasn't buying it, "Are you ..okay, Donna?"

"Of course. My bestfriend is getting married and I get to see inside the top secret purple folder!" she quipped humorously.

Rachel exhaled whilst looking down. She returned her gaze toward Donna. She desperately wanted to ask about Harvey but considering their heavy conversation days prior, she decided against it. She went with something new (and old) and exciting in Donna's life instead, hoping it would cheer her up, "Sooo.." she murmered, lowering her gaze in a cheeky manner, "date night tonight, huh? You look amazing by the way!"

The COO eased up only slightly, slouching back on the chair now, closing over the folder, "Yep. Thanks Rach."

"And?.. Where's he taking you?" Rachel couldn't help but detect the lack of enthusiasm from Donna.

"Central Park ..I think." she mused, "It's where we met so.."

"That sounds lovely. I hope you brought a coat." Rachel offered warmly.

Donna smirked, before sighing.

"Sorry Donna, but shouldn't you be a little more upbeat about it? I mean you were far more excited for Stephen Hu-"

"And look how amazing that turned out!" she interrupted sarcastically.

"So past experience is the only thing making you slightly apprehensive then?" Rachel asked suggestively.

Donna pretended to look around the office with a mock frown, "Where do you even find the space to hide that huge shovel of yours, Rachel?"

"That's rich coming from you, Ms. Pot!" the Kettle chucked. Donna rolled her eyes with a smirk. "I'm only _digging_.. because I think what has really got you nervous maybe is.. _the man?_ "

"And who said nerves were a bad thing? I have a date with a guy that I let walk out of my life years ago, of course I'm a bit anxious about it."

"Is there something you're not telling me, Donna?" The concern in Rachel's voice rising.

She sighed with a smile before responding, "You really have improved at this detective work you know.."

"Learned from the best."

Donna huffed before giving in, "The day we had our conversation about Harvey and I in the kitchen.."

"Mmm-hm.." Rachel leaned forward, bursting with intrigue.

"That night he showed up at my door, after he'd been drinking all day!"

"And..?"

"He returned the favour I gave him.." she revealed, looking down.

Rachel failed to pick up on Donna's vague metaphor, her face perplexed.

"He kissed me, Rachel!" she finished, voice full of disbelief at the truth of the statement.

Rachel's nostrils flared as the left side of her mouth rose up into a telling grin. She tried to keep it down but gave up and let out a giggle, "I knew it!" she squealed, fists in the air, lightly bobbing up and down on her chair.

Donna placed her elbow on the armrest and straightened up, "Knew what, exactly?"

"He is obviously in love with you too, Donna." she stated, rolling her eyes slightly.

"I never told you I was in love with him?" Donna countered. She could feel herself becoming more self-conscious and defensive, wondering if everyone around her knew she was in love with the man, before even she did.

"You didn't have to." Rachel said warmly but adamantly.

They shared a glance.

"He's not _in love_ with me Rachel. That much I know." Donna stated, not sure if she even was convinced of it herself.

"But how?!" whispered the impatient brunette.

"I went around to his place after he kissed me. After I slammed my door in his stupid drunk face.." she trailed off.

"Ouch."

"I know." Donna agreed, curling her top lip up, as if in regret at what she did, "Anyway, long story short he knew I was in love with him and he just couldn't say it back." she whispered, "It was on the tip of his tongue I could almost see it. But he closed up again. For the billionth time. And I made sure it was the last time." she said with assertion.

Rachel was saddened and frustrated at the same time, "Donna. If this was Mike and I, you would be in here telling me to stop being so stubborn! He clearly tried to show you that he loves you! It's Harvey? He doesn't have a way with expressing emotions. You, of all people, don't need to be reminded of that." she argued firmly.

"So why does it feel like you're reminding me of it?" Donna smiled briefly.

"Well, because I am." Rachel countered with a bit less confidence, raising her eyebrows.

"Look Rach. The difference between you and Mike and Harvey and I? ..Is time. Many days which turned into weeks, which rolled into months and then years until it was eventually a decade! Bottles and bottles of closed up feelings. And whenever I tried to open one of them up, you know what he would do? He would take it straight out of my hands and close the lid shut, even tighter than it was before." she exhaled deeply, "But then I finally showed him how I felt anyway and he left me high and dry. And now when he's finally ready to show me something back I'm ready to move on!"

"Are you, though?" Rachel tested.

"I can't just toss everything aside for a man that can't even tell me he's in love with me, Rachel."

"Do you mean with work? Who said you have to toss anything aside? He's not even directly your boss anymore, you have almost as much say in this firm as he does."

The fatigued redhead let out what felt like the millionth sigh this week.

"Donna. I think you're still stuck in the past. Too afraid to take that leap in case he doesn't catch you. But it seems to me like he just tried to catch you and you let yourself fall anyway."

"More like he dropped me and then decided to try pick me back up." she smirked dryly.

"And now you're refusing to let him." Rachel added, shaking her head dismally.

Donna was getting fed up. Aggravated at how right Rachel was. She released all of her tension in one breath and reopened the wedding folder, to avert the attention off of her and steer it back to her friend, "Enough about me! Where are all your Maid of Honor dresses in this thing? You better not have picked orange, cause let me tell you it is NOT 'the new black'!" she joked, hiding her anguish in humor.

"Uhh.. they're in the middle somewhere.." the brunette murmured with a concentrated, concerned frown.

Rachel watched Donna immerse herself in the pages as if she wanted them to swallow her whole.

…

Harvey arrived back in his office after meeting with a client, and good friend of his, for dinner that evening. It was just gone 5.30 and he wondered why he even came back in, seeing as he had powered through all of his work load throughout the entire day.

As he was seated at his desk his head turned to the wall on the right. Only it wasn't turning to the wall at all. Rather what, or who, was on the other side of that wall. He then knew exactly what had drawn him back to the building.

Feeling the need to see her, to talk to her, about anything, he rose from his leather chair. He walked the eight or nine steps needed to complete his heart-racing journey and gave a light knock on the already opened door, once he had reached his destination.

"Hey." she said lightly, looking up from her work.

"Hey." he replied, followed by a short pause from them both.

"What can I do you for Harvey?" It was impossible for her not to think of their lips meeting as they have done twice in the last three days. Her earlier discussion with Rachel stirred up feelings she had forced herself to bury, one last time.

"Nothing I.. I just wanted to see you I suppose." he said somewhat innocently. He immediately became self-conscious and began doubting his recent choice to come see her, "But I guess I can't do that any more, huh? This 'work friends' thing is weird." He didn't show it, but child-like nerves were starting to set in, swimming throughout his body.

"Don't be silly, Harvey. You're here now anyway." she smiled, whilst dying on the inside. She got up from her chair. Making her way towards a tall, narrow table near her couch which held three crystal decanters filled with various alcohols, "Am I pouring two glasses, or one?" she teased.

"Depends what it is." he retorted.

She let out a light huff and held up the glass container containing Macallan 18, "Now what kind of a COO would I be if I didn't have the Managing Partner of my firms favourite drink in my office?" she quipped.

"A wise one." he teased.

"I'm still new to the job, so I have an excuse to lack in the wisdom department."

"You could do this in your sleep, Donna." he blurted out sincerely.

She froze while placing the whiskey back down, having poured his drink. She noticed how they were steadily falling back into their old witty dialogue. Their relationship was structured like a landmine, armed with incredible feeling and meaning. Just waiting for someone to thread too heavily on it, setting off an altering explosion. And it unnerved her. Yet she didn't want it to stop. Oh the adrenaline of it all.

She poured herself a glass of white wine and turned to face him. He was a bit closer than she left him. She walked over, handed him his drink, not missing their fingers touching, almost on purpose, and safely distanced herself onto her cream couch. All too aware that he could easily follow her there.

Which he did. He perched himself up on the armrest though, just like he did the night he told her about him and Paula. He wanted to give her the space she needed, "Going somewhere special tonight?" he asked, curling his lip as he took a drink of the amber poison.

Her mind was a flurry with questions, and feelings, "What makes you think that?" she asked, coyly.

He lowered the glass onto his left thigh as he straightened up and looked at her, "Well, that dress is too striking ..to just wear for work." he smirked, nodding towards her skirt.

He felt somewhat uncomfortable after saying it. Knowing he was overstepping the line. But he didn't know how not to. And he had to know if that dress was for Mark.

She had actually forgotten all about her date in the lat few hours. Specifically in the last few minutes.. She was almost tempted to lie. The thought of hurting him or making him jealous wasn't appealing to her, "I have a date tonight.."

"With Mark." he finished for her, seeing as she couldn't seem to get those last two words out.

"Yes. I am a one man kind of woman so.." she defended playfully, eager to diffuse the building tension, before taking a drink.

"That's not fair on all the other men." he grinned, desperate for it to come across as a light joke, even though it was anything but.

"Harvey.." she whispered, a slight warning in her tone.

This wasn't work related and they knew it. He couldn't find the words to respond and matched her solemn stare with his own. His eyes were telling. Almost speaking to her. 'Choose me _'_ they screamed. She hoped her eyes were responding with 'I can't', but she couldn't help but feel that they weren't.

They stared a moment longer. The whites of their eyes flickering against the warm glow of light in her office, as the evening sky darkened and stars began to peep out through the skyline now blanketed with hazy lilacs and oranges.

"Donna?"

It took her a second too long to register that it wasn't Harvey calling her. As her boss looked towards the first doorway, adjacent to his own office, so did she.

"Mark!" she exclaimed, blinking frantically and forcing another award winning smile, "You're early?" she stood up, placing her glass onto the nearest table and start making her way towards him.

"I thought I'd surprise you. And it gives me a chance to check out your new digs." They shared a smile, "Very impressive by the way." he whispered as he handed her an over the top bouquet of roses, kissing her on the cheek.

Both actions made a certain bystander's lip curl and fists clench. He finished his drink and put the glass down on the table before he could crush it in his palm. _Loser. Roses are too cliché for her._

"They're beautiful! Thank you." She gave him a toothy grin. _How cliché.._ she thought to herself with much guilt.

She did not fail to notice how Mark didn't make her blush tonight or send sparks flying inside her, as if her veins were fireworks. Just like Harvey had done moments beforehand, and every day before that. She put it down to a tiresome day at work and shrugged it off.

"Well that's my cue to leave."

Donna looked back at Harvey for the first time since Mark arrived. All too afraid of what any glances towards her oldest friend might tell her date. Unaware that he had already seen plenty since he arrived.

"Treat her well." he smiled, knowing full well he meant it as a warning.

"Only a fool wouldn't." Mark dug back, still looking at Donna.

If Harvey's eyes weren't so green with jealousy they would have been red with rage.

"Good night, Harvey." Donna said in a friendly manner, giving him one last look.

"Night, Donna. Enjoy your early night, you deserve it."

He retreated back to his office before stopping at the door. His blood pressure rising as soon as he was out of sight. The thought of having to see the pair strut by all loved up in a few minutes sent his pulse racing. He could feel those all too familiar tell-tale signs of an attack coming on. Not wanting her to see him like that, he abruptly took himself to the men's bathroom.

Moments later Donna and Mark walked their way towards the elevators. As he chatted in her ear about something she had no interest in, she snook a glance into his office. He wasn't there. She wondered if her having an office next door was too much for him. If her and Mark were to become serious, he would surely be showing up more often, making it hard in Harvey. She frowned lightly before offering Mark all of her attention.

Well the parts of it that Harvey wasn't still demanding, at least.

…

Meanwhile, the main focus of her thoughts was hunched up in the farthest cubicle trying his best not to vomit.

Knees on the floor, hands on the toilet seat, he had hit his rock-bottom. And he knew it. The sweet whiskey she had just shared with him was now bitterly forcing its way back up his burning oesophagus. His head was throbbing so much so, that he could feel each vein and artery pumping away, beating at his temples. His blood felt icy and thin. His newly formed tunnel vision only gave him a view of the toilet water. It was as if everything around him was moving frantically and chaotically, but he could not settle his blurred surroundings. Everything around him had molded into one. His body was tight and constricted, only allowing enough movement to throw up.

Moments later he managed to sit on the cold tiles below the toilet. He just had to wait this one out. He pictured her sunset-golden hair that warmed his nerves and her sweet smell that helped ground him back into reality. He even imagined her voice, calmly calling his name, soothing his almost bleeding eardrum.

The irony was not lost on him. How thinking of losing her sent him into this episode and how envisaging her was getting him out of it.

His lungs began filling and spilling with oxygen at a steadier pace. His breath gradually returned to him. His vision was the last to recover fully. Once it did he dragged himself up against the wall. Listening to make sure he was alone first, he unlocked the door and as if drunk, staggered his way towards the sinks. He washed out his mouth then splashed his face with the spurting water and it eased his mind a bit, somewhat thawing out his hot and heavy brain.

He looked in the mirror. Horrified at the harsh reflection it offered him. Heartbreak can really age a man.

As he stood up from the sink he dried his hands, patted down his black Tom Ford suit and smoothed his disheveled hair. Five more minutes of standing there and he was ready. Having transformed himself back into the image of a man every one outside those doors expected to see. Confident. Calm. Collected.

On his way back to his office he glanced at hers, pleased to see they had left. He sat on his couch, just basking in the silence. _Is this what my life has come to?_

He made a mental note to call another therapist. A male one this time. But first, he needed to call someone else. As he scrolled through his contacts, he anxiously stopped on the name. Without letting himself over think it he pressed call. The ringing noise went on a little too long for his liking. He was getting to ready to leave a voicemail when she answered.

"Hey Mom. It's me, Harvey."

.

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 **I hope yous enjoyed this instalment. In the next chapter or so Harvey will meet with Lily, setting some _things_ into motion.. _Darvey things_..**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi all! So I had Harvey confront his denial in his relationship with Paula, now it's Donna's turn with Mark.  
I really enjoyed writing the ending it wasn't planned it was just born..  
Thanks for the R&R y'all are amazing.**

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 _Chapter Nine: Donna, Mark and Harvey_

The two old flames were sitting inside The Loeb Boathouse in the centre of Central Park, overlooking the beautiful lake sat just beside it. Mark had surprised her with a reservation rather than the late night picnic he previously suggested.

Donna enjoyed getting out of the City for awhile. Even though they were technically still in it, but with the water, boats, and trees just outside their window, it felt so scenic and peaceful. They were transferred elsewhere for a couple of hours. The evening sky darkened from lilac to a royal navy as they enjoyed their main meal and the lights outside lit up fully. Hues of moss-green, candle-orange and nightsky-blue reflecting from the lake.

The conversation flowed evenly throughout each course. By dessert Donna was doubting her ability to fit any more food inside her stomach. She stared down at the fancy chocolate dish she couldn't even remember the name of, or didn't even care to remember, and couldn't help but think how a pint of Chunky Monkey whilst wrapped up on her couch at home alone, would be so much more appealing right now.

She did not show it of course. So far, Mark believed he was helping her relax and that she was thoroughly enjoying her time with him. He was forgetting that she had a Bachelors in Theatre and could act her way out of a paper bag when the situation called for it. Which it did. She had no intention of making him feel like he was playing second fiddle to another man in their relationship again. It felt awful enough the first time, watching his heart break as he witnessed her own heart ache over her boss. No, not this time. She would sit up straight, smile, over-smile, and laugh at his jokes.

She wondered if he would try to kiss her after dinner. It didn't make her nervous, but more worryingly it didn't excite her either. _It just needs time. We haven't been in each others lives for years. It'll come back._ Everything she thought to herself as he told her about his work week.

Before she had kissed Harvey, Mark had in fact reignited a spark in her. The idea of striking up a relationship with him again gave her butterflies. Good ones. But again, that was before she kissed Harvey. And he leaned in. And then showed up one night to kiss her back.

When they finished their meals and drinks, they stepped outside the restaurant into a slight chill. She was thankful that she had chosen her long, beige Cashmere coat that morning. It warmed everything from the knees up, only leaving her pale, lengthy legs exposed to the night air.

As they strolled by the lake Donna stared off into the water, transfixed by the various reflections dancing upon its shiny surface. Her mind submerged in its own pool of thought. She could hear buskers in the distance playing modern jazz. Which inevitably lead her brain to a certain someone. _He would love this._ She almost imagined herself strolling along the park with him instead.

Mark noticed her sudden disengagement from their conversation and frowned slightly, "Earth to Donna?" he called out with a light chuckle. He stopped in his tracks and gently pulled at her waist with his left hand.

She blinked and turned to face him, standing still now too, "Sorry …I got distracted by the view! What were you saying?" she smiled, somewhat nervously.

Her acting skills weren't up to par this time around and he noticed. That was the thing you see. As great as her poker faces were, eventually after enough build up of thoughts and emotions in her head, no mask could hide them any longer. She wore her heart on her sleeve at the most inconvenient of times.

"Is everything okay, Donna?" he asked, squinting his eyes in concern, "I mean I thought the night was going great, but you seem kind of distracted now?"

"It was going great!" she said with an encouraging smile. She noticed his slight frown at the tense she used, "It _is_.. going great Mark." she assured him, placing a hand on his wrist, "I'm just tired is all. I've had a long day at work."

"Ah, there it is." he smiled lightly.

"What?"

"You finally mentioned work!"

"Sorry, am I not allowed to talk about my job anymore?" she chuckled somewhat anxiously.

"No. Of course you are. It's just you've been avoiding the topic all evening." His tone was becoming a bit more serious.

"I have not." Donna released an awkward laugh, uncomfortable with where this was heading.

"Donna, you changed the subject every time I brought your job up during dinner. I want to know how you're doing at the firm with your new position is all." he argued.

Donna let out a deep breath. Something she was excelling at lately. _I wonder what the World Record for most sighs in a week is?_

"And not to forget how you practically ran to the bathroom the minute I brought him up."

"I'm sorry ..what?" She let go of his wrist.

"Harvey."

"What about _Harvey?_ " Donna asked somewhat bitterly.

"I know you're trying to avoid talking about him because he's the reason we broke up the last time. I get that. But forcing yourself not to discuss this new chapter in your life with me, just because he is still in it, is not gonna help things this time around."

"What are you saying Mark?" She was becoming agitated.

"What I'm saying is, I know he's on your mind. Still."

Donna rolled her eyes and shook her head with a pissed off smile growing on her face. She took a step back and start walking again, noticeably quicker this time. Hands in her pockets for warmth. Her hair evenly bouncing off her shoulders as the warm park lights amplified its golden tone.

"Don't make me out to be the bad guy here Donna. I'm the one that had to witness you two ogling each other in the office back then." he defended, pacing behind her.

She stopped in her tracks and bit the inside of her bottom lip before turning to face him again. She was feeling fed up. Tired of the same conversations with the same people about the same man. She was genuinely doing her best to move on and start a life for herself but nobody would let her. (Fate wouldn't let her.)

"What do you want me to say Mark?" she retorted, throwing her hands in the air before they came smacking back down at her sides.

"That you're not in love with him, Donna." he blurted out with intent.

Her eyes became increasingly larger. Her lashes fluttering along with a few all-too-telling blinks. Her lips tightening.

"Simple right? I mean I know you love him, I don't hold that against you. Just tell me that you're not in love with him and I'll stop."

She had two choices then;  
Lie and continue her date with Mark, in the hope that her Harvey feelings would subside in order for new Mark ones to grow in their place.  
Or tell the truth and watch a man she cared about walk out of her life for the second time. Leaving her all alone once more, having to start again.

She decided to go with the first option. Telling herself that someday it wouldn't be a lie. And she wanted to see what those words would be like coming out of her mouth. She needed practice at it especially after the week she has just had.

"I am not in love, with Harvey Specter." she said slowly and sternly, her eyes starting to prickle with the threat of tears.

Mark let out a sigh. A sigh of relief? Disbelief? She couldn't tell. He closed the metre long gap between them and looked her straight in the eyes, "I forgot how good of an actress you were until now, Donna. Really. Stellar performance. Just one criticism though." he said holding up his index finger, smiling softly and sadly, "The words coming out of your mouth didn't match what your eyes were telling me."

She looked down at the ground, ashamed and defeated. Tears fell from both eyes as she blinked, "You don't know how much I want it to be true, Mark." she murmured softly.

"I know." His tone a light whisper then, "But the heart wants what it wants. And yours doesn't want mine."

She inhaled sharply as she looked into his eyes, he was only a fraction taller than her thanks to her Louboutins, "I can't leave him. Not in the way you would eventually need me to." she whispered.

Tears warmed her eyes as she thought of Harvey and his abandonment issues. How so many people he has loved have left at some point. And how much it always devastates him. She has been the only one who has seen all of it through the years. His dad dying. His mother staying away. Mike leaving the firm. Jessica moving to Chicago. Her quitting to work for Louis..

Her loyalty to him was indestructible at the end of the day. Embedded in her DNA. It even often got in the way of the loyalty she could offer to others, or even herself. Hence why she has stuck around all this time. Why she decided to let them be work friends even after such unfriend-like moments they have shared of late.

"The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, again. I really did want this to work."

"You could never do that to me Donna. You don't have a hurtful bone in your body. And I think you _believed_ you wanted it to work but.. lets not kid ourselves?"

He was so understanding that it made her feel ten times worse. She let out a sad chuckle.

"Promise me one thing?" he asked.

"What?" she quizzed, wiping away her tears.

"That if we're to stumble upon each other again in another few years, just as friends.. that you won't still be in the situation you are in now, with him..?"

His words were a reality check for her as she gave him a slow nod. They wrapped themselves in a warm hug then.

"Goodbye Mark." she whispered hoarsely as they let go.

"Bye Donna, be happy" His last words echoing along with his fading footsteps

She took a moment to gather herself. Thankful there was nobody around. _Be happy._ All that accompanied those words in her mind was Harvey. Not that she needed him to be happy. She just wanted to be happy, _with_ _him_.

…

Donna took a cab back to the firm. She left her laptop in her office and would need it to finish typing up some paperwork for the night. But more accurately, she didn't feel like going back to her empty apartment to be prisoner to its solitude just yet.

Donna the extrovert; as bright and warm as the sun, but almost just as lonely.

It was 9 pm and she knew it would be quiet there. As she waited for the elevator car to open and release her onto the 50th floor she heard a banging noise coming from the opposite side of the metal doors. When they flew open she cautiously stepped out. Her intrigue turned to confusion as she saw Harvey standing with his back facing her, thanking a handyman that was making his way into the opposite elevator with a box of tools and a see-through trash bag full of large silver letters.

"Harvey? What's going on?" she demanded in bemusement.

He spun around, brows furrowed at the sight of her, the man behind him disappearing behind the sliding doors, "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be out for the rest of the night?" he asked in both wonder and concern, "Did everything go alright, you look a little shaken?"

She had no time to worry about herself now and kept her focus on the obvious, so she lied, "It went fine. I guess I look 'shaken' because of that.." she said with a half-smirk, still in shock.

His gaze followed her outstretched arm which was pointed towards the names on the wall. The once trio of words that was now a neat little duo, "Oh that?" he smirked, "I thought it was damn time."

Donna relaxed her posture then. She gave him her most proud smile and they both walked towards the lettering simultaneously, shoulders almost grazing, "I can't believe you did this behind my back. So sneaky." she teased, quirking an eyebrow at him before glancing back at the names, "I know everybody knows now, but I thought we were gonna wait til Jessica's party?"

"Yeah so did I.." He mused as he thought of all the recent events that caused him to change his mind, "But I got to thinking, and I'm tired of procrastinating. It only makes things harder. Until eventually you lose exactly what you were putting off doing in the first place anyway." he finished, his tone becoming more solemn as the words just fell out of his mouth.

Her heart skipped a beat, much to her annoyance. He had a way with words lately and she knew he wasn't talking about the name change specifically any more. She peaked up at him to her left. Stood there, chest puffed, grinning at the wall before him, in all his magnificent glory, "Well I'm glad that I am here for this, Harvey." she beamed softly at him.

He angled his gaze toward her, keeping his body straight, "I'm glad you're here too." he said in a raspy tone.

He was far too tempted to grab hold of her hand like the time she had done once before. She was there for him that night when Jessica left and now again, when he was officially letting his former mentor's living legacy at the firm go.

Just as he looked back to the wall one last time, he felt her ice cold hand confidently slip into his, exactly like it had that night. He could feel each individual goosebump on his arm surfacing. It sent warm chills throughout the rest of his body. He tightened her grip, feeling the need to warm her palm. Eventually their fingers found one another too and they intertwined, signaling an even more intimate embrace than the last time their hands had met.

Her gaze remained straight ahead as his eyes slowly tip-toed their way towards the redhead, thinking she wouldn't notice. Which she did of course. She didn't trust herself to look back at him.

Both of them quite purposely avoiding the large elephant in the hallway with them as they reveled in the moment. That elephant being their tumultuous relationship which had been forever changed due to recent.. activities.

It was almost as if they had been transported back to a time where they could openly show love for one another without it being over-analysed. Back the the sweet pre-" _You know I love you Donna"_ era.

She wanted to be there for him without anything looming over their heads, enjoying this retreat back to the past for a bit. He was aching to exist, if even just for a moment, in a reality where she was still his.

The pair tried to convince themselves that this display of affection constituted as 'work friends' showing their support for one another. However, they knew full well that there was no other person in the world, let alone at the firm, that they would be holding onto so lovingly during an occasion such as this. They both inwardly decided to not think about what this meant for them. For once. No questioning and examining every little word or touch. No driving themselves insane.

For her, it was not the promise of a relationship. Just a show of solidarity during a week that has tested each of their strengths and weaknesses to no end. For him, it was the affirmation he needed that no matter what, she would be there for him.

They silently vowed to be stronger than their egos and just exist within those walls together as friends, tonight. Two of them knowing that this didn't guarantee the safety of tomorrow's relationship, but that tonight they were in the clear.

They stood there in silence for a solid three minutes, lapping it all up, both the name change and the hand holding. Until she slipped her newly heated palm out of his. Their fingers slightly sweaty.

" _Specter Litt.."_ she paused with a grin, "is gonna kill it."

"Hell yeah." he said softly in agreement.

"Celebratory drink?" she suggested in a higher-pitched tone.

There was no way in hell he could resist that voice, that quirked brow, those magnetic eyes, the way her growing smile formed arrow-head indents in both cheeks. But he had to ask.

"What would your date have to say about that?" It killed him to bring it up but he couldn't resist.

"Never mind about my date and get in there and pour me a drink. This may be a monumental event, but it still needs alcohol to count." she teased.

Harvey sensed that perhaps it didn't go all that well but he didn't persist. He did just as he was told and the two strut towards his office.

Looking in from the outside, it looked just as it did the thousands of times they'd walked those corridors together before. But this time was different. For them at least. Both sensing the tide beneath them shift ever so slightly.

Toward more peaceful shores.

.

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 **Hope you enjoyed the ending. Only these two could make hand holding such a big deal!** **They are slowly but surely finding their way back to each other.. With the help of Lily in the next chapter!**


	10. Chapter 10

**So sorry for the extremely late update, life got in the way!**  
 **Finally got to write this Lily chapter and it turned out quite long so I'll have to finish it in another instalment.**  
 **Thanks for all the lovely comments etc. so far, it means a lot!**

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 _Chapter Ten: Harvey, Lily and 'Someone Special'_

Harvey had an ease about him once he put down his phone. His mother was overjoyed to hear from him, although she didn't overly show it. They were far too alike in that way. She had sounded sweet and friendly, and surprised nonetheless.

"Harvey, I would love to come see you. It's perfect timing actually, I'm free all weekend."

"That's great Mom. I'll arrange your travel from Boston, you don't have to worry about a thing."

As he hung up he didn't even realise how much he was beaming. That signature grin overtaking his entire face. His panic attack less than twenty minutes beforehand quickly becoming a distant memory.

He felt like change needed to happen. And he had to be the one to make it happen. This time. His mind quickly drifted back to the only redhead worth thinking about. _I have to let her be happy. With him._ If he wasn't going to be the one in her life directly contributing to her happiness, then he was determined not to be the one taking it away from her either. Not anymore.

As Harvey was leaving the office he stopped before getting into the elevator fully and side-eyed the wall on his left. He took a step back and turned to face it. The doors slid closed without him inside. He was staring at the proud letters up on the wall. He decided that this night would be the last night his former mentor's name would remain up there. Living in the past and putting things off due to fear had only cost him what he loved most so far.

Knowing Louis wouldn't mind, seeing as it was inevitably going to happen in the coming days anyway, he had asked Gretchen to organise for someone to come take 'Pearson' away, before she went home.

Harvey had been surprised at three things that night;

How bittersweet the moment turned out to be.  
How he wanted a special someone to be there with him.  
How said 'special someone' magically appeared just as he was wishing for her.

…

After he and Donna had shared drinks in his office that night he couldn't help but notice her increasingly somber mood as the hour ticked by. As much as he wanted to pry into what was weighing her down, he decided to keep it as a 'work friends' celebratory meeting. He didn't want to test the waters with her just yet. They had come almost full circle in less than a week and he wasn't willing to cause any more turmoil between them. He decided to try and cheer her up by mentioning that he had called his mother that night instead.

"Harvey, that's wonderful! It's so nice to see you on good terms with her, you have no idea." Donna beamed softly, looking up at him from his office leather couch with a tooth-bearing grin as he stood before her, refilling their glasses with scotch.

He sat down beside her then after handing her back her glass, leaving a good two feet between them. He gave her a soft, mellow smirk before replying, "Thanks Donna. But we both know that it's you I have to thank for that." he offered, taking a sip from his glass whilst side-eyeing her.

She shook her head and flashed her eyes up to the ceiling briefly with a half-smirk, "Please. I merely encouraged you to go see her that time, you did everything else." she responded in modesty, mirroring his drinking after she had finished her sentence.

"You're never gonna let me give you credit for that are you?" he laughed, looking into his glass.

"I didn't do it for credit, Harvey." she smiled, causing him to look back at her, "I did it because you were in pain and I wanted you to be happy."

Happy _. That word again,_ he thought as he let out a light scoff.

"What?" she quizzed, knitting her long brows into concern.

"Nothing.. It's just.." He thought before adding, "I'm not happy, Donna." He paused briefly again upon noticing her reaction, "Not to sound ungrateful, in any way, I mean.. what you did for me in terms of my mother, made me so much happier. That weight that's been on my shoulders since I was a teenager is gone now.."

She dropped her glass to her lap, eyeing him up somewhat nervously, "But you still have other weights." she finished for him.

"Exactly." he nodded, taking a sip.

Donna was fairly certain that at least one of those weights was her. If not all of them. After all, Harvey had tried to offer her something in terms of a relationship that night at his apartment. The night he kissed her. But he didn't offer her enough, he didn't offer her what they would need in order to survive as a couple if they were to finally take that plunge, so she reluctantly turned him down, for another man.

She wasn't ready to have this conversation, especially not after her unsuccessful rendezvous with none other than Mark himself. All she wanted tonight was a drink or two with her once best pal, where they celebrated him now being the first name attached to the firm.

"What made you call her, now?" she asked, thinking and hoping it would steer the conversation away from her and Harvey. Trying to avoid or change the subject, just like he used to do all those years.

"Because. I put off showing her that I loved her for so long. And I'll never get those years back. Ever." He stopped to look her in the eye, "But I can make sure that I don't lose out on any more."

Not breaking eye contact, she inhaled a sharper breath. This wasn't just about him and his mother anymore. She relaxed her shoulders, realising how startled she must have appeared then, "Well good. I'm proud of you Harvey. You've come a long way."

"Just not long enough. Right?" he teased.

There was a pause in conversation as they let all the words sink in. Donna swore she saw him inch towards her ever so slowly, maybe even subconsciously so, "I better go, it's been a long night." She shuffled in her seat then, "And again, I'm so happy for you Harvey." she smiled, eyes sparkling.

He nodded slowly, looking down to the ground at her feet as she stood up, "I'll take that as a yes to meeting my mother this weekend then? I asked her to the City. I'm sure she'll want to see where I work at some stage."

"It would be an honour." she replied in surprise, "I can finally find out what you were really like with the ladies in high school.." She wondered if that was inappropriate considering what their relationship was like now, but shook the thought. It was just a joke between two old friends.

"I don't think you wanna know." he laughed warmly.

"Oh I don't want to know. I _need_ to know." she said in an exaggerated tone.

They shared a chuckle before she gathered her coat and bag and made her way out of his office.

"Good night, Harvey."

"Good night, Donna."

Each of them practicing the voices they only use for one another.

Being so civil was torture for them both. Especially when they really wanted to rip each others clothes off.

…

Lily arrived outside her son's building bright and early the next morning. He was out front waiting for her. As she climbed out of the cab he skipped over to give her a quick, warm hug before taking her bags off the driver and tipping him handsomely. They made their way up the elevator and into his apartment.

"Wow. You really live here?" Lily remarked in both shock and pride at physically being able to see how well her estranged son had done for himself. She moved her head around his apartment taking it all in before walking over to the glass paneled walls to their left, and making her way out onto the balcony to take in the view of the City.

"I really do.." he smirked, placing her weekend bag down on his kitchen counter.

She made her way back inside and over to her son, "This is amazing, Harvey. I'm so proud of how well you've done for yourself. In spite of everything.." she trailed off, looking away slightly.

"It's alright I suppose." he said modestly.

Lily noticed how he didn't seem proud, like he didn't care. She threw him a quizzical stare.

"I guess I'm at that stage now where I'd rather have a home than a bachelor pad.." he said humorously, still unable to hide how much he actually meant it.

She pressed her lips together and creased her brows, offering him a sympathetic look that only made him turn away to make them some coffee. His mother tiptoed over to him as his back was turned to her, him facing the coffee machine, "No ' _special'_ woman in your life then?" she asked inquisitively.

The metal spoon bounced against the marble counter-top as he dropped it down, his body freezing over, stiffening. He let out a quiet sigh, remembering the conversation he had with his mother in Boston months prior.

" _Why now?"  
_ " _Someone very special to me convinced me that I needed to."_

He knew exactly what she was hinting at. They may not have had the most typical mother-son relationship over the years, but right now she was in full mother hen mode. He gathered the two cups in his hands and turned to her with a mock warning look on his face, "Mommm."

She took her cup and sheepishly followed him to sit at the kitchen island, "What? A mother can't ask about her own son's love life now?"

"You can.." he said sitting down, "But I don't have to answer." he teased lightly, taking a sip of the hot drink, eager to put the cup between him and her curious gaze.

She let out her own little smirk as she sat down at the corner of the island, adjacent to Harvey, "I guess I just assumed there was a special someone in your life after our last meet back home, Harvey. I don't mean to pry."

"It's okay Mom, I think that's what mothers are supposed to do."

"I guess I'm a little out of practice with you, aren't I?" she smiled sadly.

"We're here now, making up for lost time and that's all that matters." There was a silence that went on a bit too long for his liking so he filled it with the first thing on his mind, "And anyway, that 'special someone' was just a friend."

"Female, yes?"

He let out a laugh, "Yes.."

"Well then sorry son, but I don't think she was just a friend at all." Harvey frowned in perplexity at his mother's bold statement, "The look on your face when you mentioned her in Boston told me straight away that she was more than that, Harvey." She gave him the stare he has seen from Donna a million times over the years. He knew he would have to give her something back.

"Alright you win." he said in defeat, before briefly fixing himself on his stool.

Lily responded to his words with her own satisfied grin, before sipping her coffee.

"She's been my bestfriend for as long as I can remember. But at the same time she's so much more. She _is_ special."

"So?" she quizzed.

"So, what?"

"So why isn't she here right now being introduced to me as your significant other?"

"It's complicated Mom. I don't even think there's enough time in the world to get into it."

"Stop complicating it then. You always do that. Make it simple. Explain." she demanded with assertiveness in both her voice and posture.

The young boy in him did what his mother was telling him to. He explained it to her in the simplest sentence he could think of, "I'm in love with her." he stated, glancing down afterwards, "Only her. For the last thirteen years."

Lily inhaled deeply. She would be beaming only for the forlornly expression painted on her son's face, "And what's keeping yous apart, Harvey?" she asked.

"Me.." he sighed, "just me and my damn fear."

Lily had never had to see a lovesick Harvey before because she hadn't been around in his life since he was a teenager. It really hit her then how much her behaviour and lies during his childhood affected him and still have a hold on him to this day, "You're afraid you'll hurt her aren't you? Or lose her.. Because of your upbringing.. and what you had to witness as a child. Because of me." she whispered toward the end.

"I can't keep using that as an excuse Mom. I'm a grown ass man now. I should know that I can give her what she needs. And I tried to tell her everything, I did. But it got intense and I bottled up, again. And I had to watch her walk out of my life. Well, my personal life at least."

She furrowed her brows at him in confusion.

"She works at the firm Mom. I have to see her every day."

"Harvey.. how much does this woman mean to you?"

"Let me put it this way.. if she weren't in my life, I wouldn't be sat here talking to you right now. I'd still be holding on to all that anger and resentment. Probably for the rest of my life."

"Well, did you tell her that you are in love with her? That can make all the difference you know? Because it seems after all these years of her knowing you, and observing you, that she would have more reason than anyone to doubt that you are."

He couldn't respond. It was all too true.

"She needs to hear it, Harvey. Go see her?" Lily was eager to see her son happy, especially since she felt it was her fault he couldn't make things work with the woman he loved.

Harvey couldn't help but let out a light-hearted chuckle at the irony, "That's almost exactly what she said to me about seeing you."

"Hmm, I think I would like this woman. A lot. I must thank her."

"Okay. Hold your horses. This weekend was meant for you and I, to catch up and so you could see what my life was like. Lets not get ahead of ourselves." he laughed, knowing he would really only love for his mother to meet Donna.

"Well does that mean I'll get to see the firm then?"

"If you want."

Lily was eager to see her son's workplace of course, especially seeing as he had the family name stamped on it, but she was already inwardly thinking of sussing out who this 'special someone' was whilst she was there.

…

As morning rolled into late afternoon, Harvey had taken his mother to lunch where they talked about everything and anything. On the way out of the restaurant Lily filled him in some more on Marcus and the kids, both laughing at how cheeky his youngest was getting.

"Good. I hope that'll take Marcus down a peg or two." Harvey grinned as they strolled back to Ray's car.

Lily couldn't help but wonder if Harvey ever thought about starting a family of his own. She didn't bring it up however, they had had enough heavy talk that morning, she wanted to keep him in good spirit. And besides, she knew she would have to meet this special woman in his life before she did some more digging of her own.

They both hopped into the warm Lexus, their bodies shivering in protest of New York's bitter cold air.

"Where to, Harvey?" Ray called out.

"Specter Litt." Lily answered for him.

Harvey gave her a questionable glance, and nodded to Ray.

"It's about time I see that fancy office of yours don't you think?" she said with an innocent smile.

Straight away Harvey wondered if Donna would be there. It was a Saturday so it wasn't always a sure bet who would be in, and at what times. They often worked weekends but now that they weren't as close, and with her new position as COO, he was never completely confident that she would be there anymore. He hated that. However, he loved the idea of her meeting his mother. He didn't really think into what that meant but it warmed his thoughts and that was enough. For now.

…

The unlikely pairing arrived at Specter Litt five minutes later. Lily noticed her son's slight unease in the elevator. He was anxious and she didn't need to ask why.

The doors pinged open on the 50th floor and Harvey gestured her out with his left hand, in a very gentlemanly manner. As they made the turn for his office he looked at _hers_ before his own. It was empty. He was somewhat disheartened at the sight. They made their way into his office and he offered his mother a drink out of habit. She politely declined. Instead she looked around the room, just like she had when she arrived at his apartment that morning.

"Again. Very impressed, Harvey." she stated proudly.

He looked around with her this time. This, he was proud of. Something he had worked so hard for.

Her eyes landed on the more sentimental items in his office. The records, the record player and then the painting. Well, an oversized picture of her and Harvey with the painting. He looked to his mother, noticing how surprised and happy she was that he had a piece of her there with him, in his place of work. He was about to comment on it when he got a call from Louis, shaking them both from their thoughts.

"I'm actually at the firm right now, I'll be there in two minutes." Harvey said as he hung up.

"Urgent work stuff?" she asked with a smile.

"Yeah, Louis needs my signature on a-"

"You don't need to bore me with the lawyer talk I'll be alright on my own for awhile." she assured him.

"Good, he was gonna come to me but I said I'd save you the trouble of meeting Louis today." he joked, "I'll be right back."

Lily turned back to the picture on the wall as he walked out. It was the definition of bittersweet. The way Harvey was looking up at her whilst she was painting. So much adoration in his little angelic face. And yet, she put him through hell by forcing him to lie to his father about her affair all those years.

She didn't know how long she had actually been standing there, just staring at it. The only thing pulling her attention away from the picture being a forced cough in the doorway.

"A-hem." Donna muttered, pretending to clear her throat so the woman would turn to face her fully.

Lily spun around and smiled brightly at the stranger. Donna needed only take one look at her to know who she was. She wore nice casual clothes, so definitely not a client, and anyway, she had _his_ soulful eyes, "Oh my god.. you must be Lily." she beamed, remaining just inside the doorway for now.

Lily looked at the striking redhead, impressed at her guessing ability.

"Harvey mentioned you were coming to the City this weekend, and then I walk by his office and see a woman lovingly gazing at _that_ picture. I mean it has to be you." she grinned, walking towards her now, outstretching her right arm, "I'm Donna." she finished.

Lily recognised the name. Probably Marcus bringing it up in casual conversation back home from time to time. Straight away she wondered if this could be the 'special someone'. One look at Donna and she could see why Harvey would be in love with her. She was stunning. And friendly. And quick-witted.

"Nice to meet you, Donna. Yes, I'm Lily." she chuckled, shaking hands with the woman before her.

"You have no idea how nice it is to meet you.. finally!" Donna replied, lowering her voice and quirking her brow.

"Harvey hasn't exactly wanted to show me off much has he? Not that I blame him."

The pair shared a knowing gaze, before Donna brightened her smile again and looked towards the large canvas on the wall, "Well, things have changed now haven't they." she said warmly, hinting at Harvey's new found interest in repairing the damaged relationship he and his mother have shared.

Lily was almost certain that Donna was who she thought she was. She had that ora about her. Even without that much words, she still seemed to show how well she knew Harvey. She decided to plant some of her investigating seeds to see if they would grow, letting her know if she was on the right track. She kept her body facing the painting, as did Donna, and turned her head to her son's colleague.

"Yes. Harvey tells me that I have "someone special" to owe for that. I hope I get to meet her, I must thank her." she said in a tone implying that she knew this certain someone was Donna.

Donna couldn't control her heart then as it seemed to be skipping inside her chest. The thought of Harvey referring to her as 'someone special' in his life, to his mother of all people, melted her heart ..and her brain. She kept her composure though, and turned her warm gaze to Lily, "I'm sure she wouldn't need it. Seeing you here, with Harvey, would be thanks enough."

If that wasn't enough to confirm to Lily that she had just met the woman her son is secretly, not-so-secretly in love with, Harvey's own face was. She caught him out of the corner of her eye before Donna did, standing in the glass frame, a huge smirk on his face that he couldn't even try to hide. His eyes planted firmly on Donna as she had her back to him still proudly looking at his picture.

"Well, isn't this a sight for sore eyes?" he teased, causing Donna to jump ever so slightly, only Lily noticed.

"My two favourite women finally in the one room." He made sure to use a tone that implied he was joking, it would be too awkward to say it in a serious manner, what with him barely seeing his mother over the years and his current sticky relationship with Donna. But it wasn't a lie, they were his favourites.

Donna caught her breath quickly as her eyes lit up once they met his. Again, only Lily noticed. Any shadow of a doubt the older woman had was gone now, the chemistry these two shared even without yet conversing properly was almost intoxicating.

"And it could have happened long ago if you weren't so stubborn!" Donna joked back, knowing he would see the non-seriousness in it.

"I second that." Lily said, sending a cheeky glance to Donna.

"Okay, I leave for five minutes and already you two have plotted to gang up against me?" he retorted in mock annoyance.

Harvey looked to his mother then, dying to see her reaction to Donna being there. She raised her brows at him, letting him know she knew _exactly_ who Donna was. He bowed his head down as he tried to hide a creeping smile.

"Oh don't worry Harvey, you got here just in time. We were just about to discuss your grunge phase." Donna played with him, knowing full well he did not have a grunge phase.

Lily let out a sweet laugh, impressed at Donna entirely.

"Now that was one phase I never went through!" Harvey stated, lowering his gaze at her, feeling the need to set that record straight, causing the women to giggle.

"Well it was great to meet you Lily. Really." Donna beamed, turning to face her, "I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay, and don't be a stranger now."

"I think we'll be seeing a lot more of each other somehow." Lily responded, causing the other two to guess what she meant.

Donna nodded feeling slightly awkward and began making her way out the door, passing Harvey. Lily looked at her son, noticing how he clearly didn't want her to leave just yet. It was so obvious to her how much he was enjoying having them all together like this.

"Donna?" she called out, causing her to turn back, "I'm sure you're busy right now, but how about the three of us go for dinner tonight? I feel like we have lots more to discuss."

Donna tried her best to mask the concern at the idea. Her and Harvey were desperately trying to make it work as colleagues, going to dinner with him and his mother seemed to be crossing the line. But even though she wouldn't admit it to herself, she did in fact want to cross the line again, especially after the date she had with Mark and the feelings he forced her to shine a light on. She was well aware that her and Harvey had much to discuss in terms of their relationship, she was just enjoying the warmer water they were in at the moment, not knowing how long it would last. She couldn't help but notice Harvey's hopeful glance in her direction. She looked back and forth between them both.

"If it's alright with you, Harvey, I would love to." she smiled at him, slightly bashful and already half regretting her answer.

"Sounds perfect to me." he replied with a long, soft smile, one Lily hadn't seen until now, "I'll arrange something soon and let you know." he nodded to her.

His mother stood there as the two broke their ogling gaze and Donna left for her own office. She looked at the ground with a huge grin on her face and then to Harvey.

"Don't even start." he warned lightly.

She held her hands up at her shoulders, "I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to, mother."

"Alright. Anyway we have dinner reservations to make!" she said chirpily, making her way toward him.

"Already have a place in mind, I'll sort it."

Harvey was thinking of Del Posto, the restaurant he and Donna always eat at for their 'work anniversary'. It was a special place for him, so it seemed fitting.

…

It was 9 o'clock now and Harvey and Lily were waiting in the restaurant for Donna to arrive. They had only been there ten minutes but Harvey was already eyeing up the doorway every time someone new walked in. He was unable to mask the pure disappointment painted across his features whenever it wasn't her.

"Staring at the door won't make her magically appear you know? She'll be here soon." An amused Lily commented.

Harvey furrowed his brows at his mother and shuffled in his chair. He had to reserve a larger table this time around seeing as it wouldn't just be him and Donna like it usually was. He managed to book a nice intimate corner table for the trio, "I don't know what you're talking about." he smirked, like a love-struck teenager.

"Don't give me that. You think I'm blind? I know exactly who _Donna_ is mister.."

"Oh yeah? And who exactly is _Donna_ then?" Harvey knew her answer to that before he even asked it.

" _Someone Special,_ of course." she grinned in a lower tone.

Harvey shook his head and pressed his lips together, playing with the napkin in front of him. He let the subtle jazz music in the background engulf the silence between them.

"I knew it the second I met her, son. And then I knew it again when I saw how you looked at her. And yet again when she looked at you." Lily had adopted a more serious expression now, "What exactly is keeping yous apart? I know you said it's you Harvey, but I think a strong woman like that wouldn't let you push her away.. so?"

"She's seeing someone." Harvey muttered in disgust, still looking down at the table as he slouched back against the chair.

"Oh. Harvey I'm so sorry. Is it serious?"

"That doesn't matter, Mom. She chose him. I have to let her try and be happy. Now I've had enough of this topic."

"But it does matter."

Harvey was becoming agitated now and about to snap back when he saw her entering from the other side of the large room. Her molten locks seeping out over her long black coat. His features softened at the sight of her, causing his mother to look behind, towards Donna. She was looking around the dimly lit restaurant when Harvey rose his hand in the air lightly to usher her over. She spotted him and a toothy grin captured her face. As she was walking over Harvey rose from his own chair to pull out Donna's, making Lily smile.

"Harvey, you're quite the gentleman tonight. Is this just because your mother's here? Tryna look well-behaved?" Donna mocked as she gave Lily a quick hug.

"Just enjoy it while it lasts." his mother chuckled as they broke their embrace.

"I'm always a gentleman and you know it, Donna." he remarked as she sat down and removed her coat.

Harvey couldn't help but take her all in as he went to sit back down. She had changed into a deep maroon lacy dress with short sleeves and a long exposed V-neck. He never ceased to be amazed at how good she always looked.

"Donna, you look amazing." Lily exclaimed, eyeing her up and down, "Doesn't she _Harvey?_ "

Donna looked down and chuckled at Lily, not one bit clueless as to what she was trying to do, "Absolutely beautiful. As always." Harvey said warmly and casually, not wanting it to sound like a big deal, even though he meant every word.

The redhead stiffened at his response for a second before recovering, "Forever the charmer." she said rolling her eyes at Lily jokingly.

"Oh I don't know about that.. I never heard him call anyone beautiful growing up. He was always too cool and serious for that." Lily countered with a devilish gleam in her eye.

"Alright Mom.. Now are we actually gonna eat tonight or just take the piss out of me?" Harvey interrupted, with a nervous laughter as he ushered the waiter over.

"Usually food is number one, but I'm kind of enjoying the latter.." Donna teased, glancing toward Lily.

 _What have I gotten myself into_ , Harvey thought as the three of them settled into their evening together.

…

The trio had just finished their mains when Harvey began looking uncomfortable. He desperately needed to use the bathroom, but he had anxiety about leaving the two women together for even a brief moment. God knows what they would discuss, especially with his mother being in full on cupid mode.

"You okay there, Harvey?" Donna asked with a giggle, looking up from her plate as she played with the leftovers with her fork.

"Fine." he murmured.

"You can leave us together you know? We won't get up to too much while you're gone. We may however, share some embarrassing stories about you." she winked, placing some fallen honey strands back behind her ear.

"I'm sure I have some old photos that I had Marcus put on my phone, you'd love them Donna." added Lily, playing along.

Harvey angled his head and rolled his eyes, his lower lip dropping in dissatisfaction at the pair.

"Harvey go! Before I start with the prostate jokes!" Donna quipped.

"Please, Mike's bad enough." He threw his napkin onto his plate and jumped up, "I'll be right back." he stated in a deep tone, giving Lily a warning look that she pretended not to notice.

The two women shared a chuckle as he rushed off into the distance.

A waiter came over to clear the table then. Lily leaned toward Donna when he left, "Okay so I'm guessing we have less than five minutes. So spill."

"Spill on what?" Donna laughed nervously.

"You and my son." she responded with a telling smile.

"Lily.."

"Don't try and deny it, I may be getting old but I still have perfect vision you know. And hearing for that matter!" she insisted.

"Look, Harvey and I are just getting back on good terms after a few spanners got thrown in the works.."

"What spanners?"

Donna was impressed at how assertive and relentless Lily was on the matter, "We blurred the lines a bit.. and it ruined our friendship. So now we're just colleagues. Or 'work friends' I don't know.." Donna trailed off, staring at her glass of wine as she swished it around in circles, before taking a large sip.

"So why are you here tonight then?" Lily asked bluntly, but warmly.

Donna raised her brows, creasing her forehead in shock at the question, "Because you asked me and I know how important you are to Harvey, especially now that he's fixing things with you."

"Because you're in love with him?" Lily asked with intent, more of a statement than a question.

"What?" Donna exhaled, completely taken aback, her eyes blinking uncontrollably.

"You're here because you're in love with him." reiterated the older woman.

"Lily. I respect you, a lot. But you've seen us together for all of two minutes. You can't possibly believe that I'm in love with him aft-"

"Maybe not." she cut in, "But I can say that he is very much in love with you and yous would be foolish to let whatever yous have go over some 'blurred lines'! I mean, you have to blur the lines for something to start in the first place?" Lily said trying to stay composed knowing how invested she was becoming in her son's happiness.

Donna didn't know how to respond. One of the few times that has happened to her in her life.

"The person you're seeing? Do you love him more than you love my son?"

She looked Lily right in the eye then, confusion written all over her face, "Harvey told you I was seeing someone?"

"Yes, he did."

That made Donna feel so many of the things she was desperately trying to keep at bay for now. The fact that Harvey had brought up that she was seeing someone, to his mother, forced so many questions to the front of her mind.

"Well I'm not ..anymore." Donna whispered.

"So why aren't yous two ironing things out then?"

Donna was becoming increasingly fed up, as much as she genuinely liked Lily, now there was an added person sticking their nose in to comment on her intricate relationship with Harvey God Damn Specter, "Because Lily, it's not that simple. He chose to commit to another woman over me and then I tried to show him how I felt and he shot me down. Then he tried to show me how he felt, but it was too little too late."

Donna looked up at a baffled Lily. It took her all of two seconds to realise why her face was so stunned, "You didn't know about Paula, did you?" she asked sheepishly, inwardly cursing herself.

"That's the first time I've even heard her name." Lily answered, pressing her lips together.

"I'm an idiot. Please don't tell Harvey I told you, he'll probably want to tell you himself." she pleaded lightly before biting the inside of her lip.

"I don't think he wants to tell me at all." laughed Lily, "But that should tell _you_ a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're clearly pissed that he chose this woman over you, but he hasn't even mentioned her to his family. I mean, I'm assuming they broke up?"

"Yeah.. they did." Donna responded.

"Well, I know he mentions you to Marcus quite a bit.." Lily could see Harvey closing in on them from her view of the bathrooms, "and now that I've met you, I know that you're his 'someone special' that convinced him to come see me." she finished in a near whisper.

"So, how much shit did yous talk about me while I was gone?" Harvey quizzed, taking his seat.

Donna was staring at the table with her slightly bulging eyes and mouth agape, still absorbing Lily's last words, and what they actually meant. She was brought back to the present when Harvey forced a cough whilst staring at her, slightly concerned, "What? Did she show you my bad hair cuts throughout the years? 'Cause they were not my fault, I was a kid and she was not a qualified barber!" he joked, desperate to lighten the atmosphere.

She looked up at him with a forced smile and shook her head, "No, we just talked about the firm mostly."

Harvey caught the guilty expression his mother held and gave her an angered look. He looked back to Donna who was taking a drink now and his face softened again.

"I'm not feeling too well you guys, must have been the shrimp! I think I'm gonna take a cab home."

Donna inhaled deeply, all too tempted to roll her eyes. _Subtle, Lily. Very subtle._

Harvey wasn't convinced either, "What about dessert?"

"Yous can share mine." Lily offered with a cheeky glint in her eye.

She gathered her bag and gave Donna a warm, meaningful hug, "If I don't see you again before I leave, I wish you all the happiness, Donna."

"Thanks Lily, you too." Donna smiled back, still slightly shaken as she went to take another drink.

"I've got the spare key, Harvey. I won't wait up.." she said before walking away, all too pleased with herself.

Donna almost spat out her wine, "Oh my god, could she be anymore obvious?" she chuckled, her now blushed cheeks pushing upwards with her growing smile.

Harvey just grinned in response and they both looked at each other. The events of the last week hitting them both like a truck.

Kissing. Confessions. Falling out. Kissing again. More confessions. Making up. Hand holding. Dinner. And now an intervening mother.

"It's sweet though." she added.

"That's one word for it." he countered, "I'm glad you got to meet her Donna."

"Me too." she beamed, "I'm glad you finally invited her to your home!"

He looked at her again, just taking it all in. Taking her in. Not knowing if he'd ever get to have another dinner with her like this again. Part of him knew she only agreed because his mother being in town was such a monumental event for him.

"Are you happy?" His question completely catching her off guard.

"Why do you ask?" Her eyes locked on his.

"Just making sure is all." She quirked her brow at him, not buying his response. He shuffled in his chair before coming clean, "Alright, it's just last night, after your date you seemed.. I don't know.. not happy? I know you didn't wanna talk about it so I didn't persist." He watched her face closely, awaiting a response.

She took in a deep breath, causing her chest to rise quite a bit. She wasn't even aware that she was tapping the edge of the table with her dark red fingernails, "Things didn't work out.. with Mark and I." she admitted, looking back at him when she finished.

He made sure to keep his face as straight as possible. He didn't want any delight escaping. It made him feel awful, he genuinely wanted her to be happy, but it wasn't as if Mark was the love of her life and if he was quite honest, she didn't seem all that bothered by it now, "I'm sorry to hear that Donna." he said in a raspy voice.

"Are you?" she smiled at him cautiously, with her left brow raised higher than the right.

"Well I want you to be happy. I always have."

"Just not with anyone that isn't you? Or anyone that _is_ you for that matter.." She almost spat the words out of her mouth as if they were burning her tongue. Lily's own words moments earlier had inspired her latest verbal outburst. Shocking them both equally. She looked at him with pain in her earthy brown eyes for the first time that night.

"I thought I was clear that night you called to mine, Donna." he defended in a more solemn tone.

"Drunk is what you were that night, Harvey. And you weren't clear at all." she stated somewhat harshly, remembering his inability to tell her exactly how he felt.

Harvey cocked his head slightly, "And kissing you wasn't clear?"

"Not when I could literally taste the whiskey off your breath!" she exhaled, almost too loudly.

He knew she was right and he gave her a sorrowful look before exhaling deeply himself, "I'm sorry Donna.. for being drunk, I am. But I'm not apologising for kissing you. Because I am not the slightest bit sorry about that."

The tension between them was almost suffocating, the weight of it nearly burying them.

"Well that makes one of us."

"So you regret kissing me?" He sat up even straighter, brows crossed in defense.

"Yes, Harvey! Look at the mess we're in. It got us nowhere!" she whispered, loudly.

"How can you think that? My relationship ended because of where this got us!"

"So you do blame me for that then?" she retorted, shaking her head.

"No! What I mean is, it was worth it if it got me to stop denying what we have."

"Which is what exactly?" She needed him to say it.

"Something a hell of a lot more than just a friendship and you know it. Not that we even have that anymore.. this 'work friends' shit is driving me crazy!" he huffed.

It was surprisingly relieving for them both to be discussing the elephant in the room after all the niceties over the last few days.

Donna paused, before inhaling as much air as her lungs could capture, "I almost slept with Mark.."

Harvey looked confused at the timeliness of her confession before she continued.

"It was after you told me about you and Paula and then I saw her at work.. it was too much. He was married Harvey.. and I willingly went to his hotel, knocked on his door and I would have went in only for a text from Rachel made me change my mind.." she said angrily at herself.

He looked at her stunned, yet just wanting to grab hold of her, to comfort her.

"Still like what you see?" Her sparkling eyes met his again.

"Donna.." His pitiful gaze was too much for her.

Her eyes began to well up as she stared out the nearest window, feeling the need to escape.

"I can see what you're doing. Trying to make me see you differently. So I won't want you. It's not gonna work." he said with determination, "Even if you had of slept with him.. I could never judge you for it Donna, for anything." Harvey meant every word, no matter how much he despised infidelity, Donna was his weakness, his exception to the rule, to every rule, _even her rule._

He wasn't wrong, part of her was pushing him away, but mostly she just wanted him to know what was eating at her, "I should go, before too much is said and we're in yet another awkward position at work afterwards." Donna rose from her chair with regret and collected her coat and bag, "Good night Harvey, I'll see you Monday." she smiled sadly, partially testing him, to see if he would fight for her.

There it was again. That sinking feeling in his stomach. Pulling him down when he should be getting up to chase after her.

But what he wanted to tell her, what he needed to tell her.. it was so much easier to say in his head.

 _I'm in love with you, Donna._

.

.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'll have to extend it into a part 2! I know he's taking forever to say it but I think that would be so true to his character because once those words are out of his mouth there's no going back. And also how hard would it be to say that to your bestfriend? Just a few chapters left so it's coming!** **Please let me know what you think!** **:) x**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi guys! I wanted to get this chapter finished quickly seeing as it's a continuation of the last one.**  
 **Got to smooth out some of Harvey's abandonment issues and explore what's going on inside both of their heads!**  
 **Also Lily is the Darvey shipper we need in the show! ;)**  
 **Hope you enjoy the read!**

* * *

 _Chapter Eleven: Harvey, Lily and Donna_

Harvey couldn't sleep a wink that night. When he shut his heavy eyes all he could see were her dark, yet vibrant ones. And her candle light hair. And of course, her magnetic lips. Each and every one of her features dancing on the inside of his eyelids, teasing him.

He was sitting up on the couch with a lukewarm coffee in hand when his mother woke up at 7 a.m that morning. He had given her his room during her stay.

"You're up early." she stated with a tired smile, "Or did you just get in?" she then asked in a low, teasing tone, stopping in her tracks to look him over.

"Haven't slept." he mumbled, eyes almost hanging out of his head.

Lily sighed, knowing that wasn't a good sign and made her way toward the coffee machine in the kitchen, "How did dessert go last night?" She made sure to sound casual. Or to try, at least.

"Don't start today Mom. I'm too tired for your inquisition this time." he grumbled, shifting on the black leather grumpily, whilst rubbing is left eye.

"You're only tired because she's on your mind.." she whispered in annoyance.

"What was that?" Harvey called out from the living area, unable to hear her dig fully.

"Nothing!" she replied, being overly chirpy, "Want a fresh cup?"

"Sure." He knew he would need all the coffee in the world to stay awake today.

As Lily made a fresh brew, she promised not to leave the City that evening without helping to brew up something else entirely.

…

Donna woke up about an hour later. She immediately felt strange about the previous night. They had once again overstepped the line, verbally speaking, but not enough that work would be overly awkward on Monday. _That's the main thing,_ she thought, _a_ _s long as we don't suffer at work because of this._

What she wouldn't admit to herself, is that her immense commitment to her job and maintaining a good partnership with Harvey at the firm was her way of not addressing other issues, more important issues. She was more like him than she knew.

As she crawled out of bed, wondering what to do with her day off, she got a call.

"Who.. at this hour.." she grumbled aloud to herself as she reached for her aggressively vibrating phone on the bedside table.

It was an unknown number. She frowned, tempted to ignore it but then she answered anyway, in case it was someone in trouble.

"Hello..?" she called out.

"Donna, hi!"

"Lily?" she replied in bewilderment, before her body became rigid and stiffened, "Oh my god, is Harvey okay?"

"What? Har-"

"Please tell me he's okay!" She cut in, desperate to hear a 'yes'.

"Yes, Donna. He's absolutely fine." Lily said adamantly.

Donna took a deep breath, annoyed at herself for becoming so worked up, _over him_ , to his mother. She let out a relieved sigh, "How did you get my number?"

"Well you work at a major law firm, and I am capable of using the internet." she retorted.

Donna let out a chuckle, "What can I do you for, Lily?" she asked with a small smile, wrapping herself in a silk white robe.

"Well.. I told Harvey I wanted to go shopping for an hour or two today, on my own. Which he gladly accepted because ..well he's a man!" she laughed.

"That's great Lily.. Do you want some store recommendations or something?" she quipped, unsurely.

"I'm not going shopping Donna." Lily revealed.

And the penny dropped, "Ah, you want a fake alibi so you can see me." Donna stated, nodding to herself as she put two and two together. She's not as quick in the mornings, especially without her first coffee.

Lily let out a small giggle, "Bingo."

"Why do you wanna meet with me?" she asked somewhat anxiously, running her hand up and down her thigh as she sat on her bed.

"I just think we have a lot more to talk about, don't you?" she said with charm.

"Lily look, I'm not sure how good an idea that would be.."

"Donna. Just meet me for coffee this morning, please? You can even choose the location!"

The redhead couldn't help but grin. She really liked Lily, it was a pity Harvey kept her at arms length for so long. Kept them both at arms length, for that matter, "Alright, there's this quaint little diner not far from Harvey's building, I'll text you the address." she smiled, "Does 11 o'clock suit you?"

"Perfect. I gotta go, Harvey's out of the shower now." she answered hastily.

"Wait does he not know you-"

"Goodbye Marcus! Tell the kids I miss them and I'll see yous later tonight." Lily called out loudly before hanging up on a bemused Donna, as Harvey walked into the kitchen in fresh clothing and dampened hair.

"How's Mama's boy doing without you?" he smirked as he made his way over to her at the kitchen island.

"Just fine.. for now!" she played along, inwardly patting herself on the back for being such a great actress.

…

As Donna sat in her favourite diner, she didn't even realise that her subconscious had brought her to the exact same seating booth she had sat in with Harvey when he asked her to come to the firm with him. After _the other time_.

It had just turned 11.01 and she heard the door swing open behind her, triggering the chime hanging above it to erupt into a brief jingle of noise. She felt a nervous energy build up in the pit of her stomach then. It just hit her that she had agreed to meet with Harvey's mother, without his knowledge, after said mother had made it blatantly obvious that she knows how Donna feels about Harvey last night. She was tapping the table with her fingers as Lily walked up to her.

"Donna." she smiled.

Donna turned to her left to face her, before standing up to give her a brief, friendly hug.

"Lily, hey. Good to see you again."

"Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me?" she quipped with a cheeky smile as she sat down opposite Donna.

Donna pressed her lips together, and showed off the whites of her eyes, still quite nervous as to what this secret hang-out was about.

"Thanks for meeting with me on your day off, it means a lot."

"No problem. Now what exactly did you want to meet with me for?" she asked, tilting her head and quirking her brow.

"How about we order something to eat first..?" Lily suggested cautiously, not wanting to dive into the serious talk straight away.

…

Meanwhile the man she wanted to discuss was returning to his apartment after a quick morning run. He made his way in the door panting and dripping with sweat. He would have to shower again now. He hadn't planned on a run but with his mother not there to occupy his brain, he desperately needed to _not_ think. Especially after last night's dinner. And exercise was the best way he knew how to shut his brain off.

But he was back now, to a silent apartment and a ringing mind. The thoughts of his colleague, bestfriend, soulmate, quickly returning.

He zipped down his hoody, feeling the need to cool down and made his way to the kitchen. Coffee; his saviour. He rolled out the cutlery drawer to reach for a spoon to stir around the vanilla that he kept in his cupboard (ever since she introduced him to the idea of putting it in his coffee). He was about to push it shut again when something caught his eye. He pulled out the drawer further and a sad frown unexpectedly hijacked his face. One deep sigh later he picked up the can opener.

Forgetting about his coffee, he made his way over to the first stool he found. He sat down at the island, holding the item with fingers of both hands, a sad smile stretching across his cheeks. All he could think of were the good times they were missing out on for the better part of a year now because he was too unwilling to admit what was really going on between them.

He missed how they made plans to wind up Louis and the laughs they would share afterwards. How they both mentored Mike professionally(him) and emotionally(her), taking him under their wing, helping transform him into the man he was now. How she would sit at his desk as if it were her own, knowing he would never really mind, _because it was her_. But most of all, he missed the part of his soul she took with her when they became distant.

Like autumn leaves falling from a winter tree, slowly then all at once, the thoughts began floating around in his head until they all crashed, one by one.

Harvey clenched his jaw, his own anger at himself burning up inside. All he had to do was show her that they could be _something more_ , and still maintain a working relationship. She wouldn't have to quit, or change jobs to be with him. She wasn't his secretary any more, he didn't have to give her orders every day, if anything it was the other way around now. Well, if he really admitted it to himself, it was always the other way around anyway. The circumstances that existed when she made that torturous rule had changed. She wasn't his assistant anymore.

And even if she _was_ to leave work out of her own choice, coming home to her everyday seemed much better than only having a working relationship with her for the rest of his life. The thought of having to watch her find someone else and just stay work friends made him feel physically and mentally ill.

 _Nope. Not anymore. Things will be different soon,_ he promised himself.

…

At the same time, Donna and Lily were erupting in a fit of laughter inside their little booth, having ordered coffee and cake at the diner.

"You actually recorded him? Secretly? ..While he acted out a scene from a teenage chick-flick?" Lily was struggling to get the words out as she was so near tears.

Donna let out a satisfied chuckle of her own, "Yes! Who knew he was a Clueless fan, huh?"

"Can I see it?" Lily asked eagerly.

"He made me delete it." Donna said curling her lip in annoyance, "But I did get a spa trip to the Berkshires out of it!" she grinned proudly.

"Hmm.. I'm not sure I'd be ready to see it anyway." Lily responded as their laughter faded out.

She gave the younger woman a warm, solemn stare then. Donna knew exactly what was coming.

"You really know him, Donna."

The redhead looked down, smirking to herself as she responded in remembrance of a conversation she had with her friend many years ago, "I _really_ do."

They shared another knowing glance. Not needing to comment on it further. But Lily did anyway, "I think he's ready you know.." she said in a gentle voice.

Donna quipped back sarcastically with a dry smile, "Yeah.. _soo_ ready, that he needs his mother to do all the hard work for him."

"He doesn't know I'm here, Donna. You know that."

"But he _needs_ you here, because he'd never come here to tell me himself."

"Tell you what?" Lily smiled with a slight frown.

"That he's in love with me." she stated firmly.

Lily sat back further in her seat, both hands linked around her cup, "So you do know?"

"I'm Donna, I know everything." she said humorously, almost mocking herself.

"Well then why aren't you _with_ him?"

"Because I didn't need to _know_ it. I needed him to _say_ it." Donna sighed, "And he couldn't. And now I'm not sure if I even want him to."

Lily laughed, "I thought you knew everything?"

"I do." Donna smirked, knowing what Lily was getting at.

"So then.. do you want him to tell you or not?" she quizzed.

"I guess I just want him to want to tell me.. if that makes any sense?" she thought aloud, as she sipped her coffee.

"That makes perfect sense. You want him to tell you because he wants you to know it, not because he feels like he's losing you and it's the only way to get you to stay in his life. Am I getting hot?"

"You're practically burning." Donna nodded.

"Donna." she gave her a sympathetic smile, "I know he has probably hurt you, emotionally, over the years. A lot perhaps. But I don't know if he will ever say it in the right way or at the right time."

Donna trailed her eyes off to meet the wall beside them.

"But what I do know is.. _that he feels it_. And that's more important than any of the rest, honey." Lily stretched out her arms and took Donna's hands in her own to demand her attention again. "Don't let the void between yous two become so big that yous lose sight of each other." she whispered, encouraging tears to form under the redhead's eyelids, "The son I know today is not the son I knew ten, even twenty years ago. _He's ready_.. And I'm betting a lot of that is down to you." she finished.

"I.. Thank you, Lily." Donna whispered, completely at a loss for words.

They remained like that for a moment or two, before Lily broke the embrace and her hands retreated back to her side of the table.

"Well, I better go and actually buy something so it looks as if I've been shopping!" Lily smiled as she picked her coat up off the red leather couch.

"Actually.. I have a favour to ask first.." Donna said slowly, as the idea came to her.

"Anything." Lily beamed.

"The picture? Of you and Harvey in his office? Well he used to have the actual painting hanging, for years."

"I'm listening." the older woman responded, looking more somber now.

Donna had a sparkle in her eye as she leaned in to the table toward Lily, "Well I was thinking.."

…

The day had all too quickly turned to late evening and Harvey and Lily were having whiskey and wine in his living area before she left for Boston. They had spent the afternoon wandering about New York City together and dining in one of its most lavish restaurants, all on Harvey of course.

"I'm proud of you, Harvey." Lily smiled warmly, lowering her glass to her lap, "All that you've achieved here, you did it all on your own."

"I don't know about that." He said, immediately thinking of Donna.

"Don't be so modest.." Lily scolded lightly, "There's a lot of your father in you, you know? Hardly any of me ..lucky for you!" she said it as a joke but she believed it, and it even saddened her a little that more of her wasn't in him.

"I don't know about that.. I definitely inherited your stubbornness." he teased, looking up at her from behind a smirk.

She pressed her lips into a forced smile that tugged at his heart, "And your forgiving nature." he murmured, causing her to bare a huge grin, creating wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, "And of course, your good looks." he winked, not wanting to be too sappy.

There was laughter, then silence, then thinking.

"How did you cope, Harvey?"

He gave her a confused look before she continued.

"After your Dad passed away? I should have made more of an effort to be there for you, you shouldn't have been going through that all alone." she said dismally, reflecting on the past.

"I was okay, considering. But that's because I pushed you away. And I wasn't alone, Mom." he smiled at her softly.

Lily bowed her head down, nodding in realisation before looking back up at him, "Donna."

Harvey closed his eyes into a slow nod, "She was the one who told me."

"Oh god, that must have been awful for her. For you." Lily whispered.

"I wouldn't have gotten through any of it without her. She encouraged me to go to his funeral. I almost didn't, can you believe that? She showed me that I wanted to fix things with you too. And I tried. But then I saw Bobby there and I freaked. I panicked. I went back to what I knew best; anger and resentment."

It was relieving for Harvey to be able to talk about his father with his mother and not be taken over by a mountain of pent up rage.

"Harvey.." she said hoarsely, almost near tears.

"What I'm trying to get at is.. I could never see your point of view before. Why you did what you did. To Dad. With Bobby. Not until lately."

Lily cleared her throat, "What do you mean?"

"Donna kissed me recently.. when I was with someone. So I guess now I know what it's like to want to be with the person you're really in love with, when you're tied down with someone else." he finished in a raspy voice, before taking a drink to wet his throat.

Lily was shocked at her son's revelation, that he was actually admitting to understanding why she did what she did. She knew he would never truly forgive her for it, for the lies she made him keep secret as a child, but it was a huge step in the right direction for them. For him.

"You never told us about this other woman, Harvey." she stated.

Now was not the time to delve into the fact that his mid-life crisis was him dating his ex-therapist. He cleared his throat now too, "I know.. part of me was ashamed. I mean, there was nothing wrong with her.. she was great, she just wasn't.."

"Donna." Lily finished, her heart warming at her son's honesty, but breaking at his pain.

"She was the closest thing I could get to her.. and I realise all that now, I do. It's just a pity I didn't sooner." It was becoming much easier for him to express his feelings lately, as he confronted his issues head-on instead of cowering away from them.

"It's not too late Harvey. You and I both know that." She mused, hinting at their own rekindled relationship.

"I know. I just need to give her a bit more time, I think. I don't want to rush her and push her away." he said, almost laughing at his and Donna's emotional role reversal in the last week.

"Careful you don't give her too much, son. Time is the greatest healer of all, you know?" she warned softly, reminding him that Donna wouldn't wait around forever.

He nodded in agreement as he stared into the fire.

"Right, I best get a move on then. My cab is probably almost here by now!" Lily said reluctantly getting up off the couch.

Harvey picked up her bags then and they both made their way to the lobby, then onto the street when they saw the taxi pull up a moment later.

"You're coming to Boston next! And soon!" she demanded.

"Sounds good to me." he beamed, giving her a strong yet gentle hug, bowing down to rest his chin on her shoulder, as she rubbed his back feeling like his mother once again.

She was getting into the cab before she turned back to him, "Oh and that invitation is for _two_ people, not one." she smirked, eyes twinkling against the street lights.

"Alright, Mom. I get it." he mumbled, rolling his eyes in mock irritation whilst failing miserably at hiding a smile.

"Stop worrying about being happy Harvey, and just _be_ happy." She held his cheek for a moment, before getting into the cab.

"Goodbye, Mom." he smiled.

"See you soon, Harvey." she replied.

Harvey shut the door, and tapped on the roof, indicating to the driver to take off.

As he watched the yellow vehicle fade into the distance he felt whole again. Well almost. He had set out to fully fix his issues once and for all, so he could be ready for _her_. And although he may not be actually completely cured of his demons, he's ready enough to try anyway.

Staring at the disappearing cab he realised that not everyone that is leaving, is abandoning him.

.

.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed the second part of Lily's intervention! Feel free to let me know what you think :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Apologies for another late update, I only had time to write in the last two days.**  
 **This chapter got incredibly long so I split it in two.  
Hope it was worth the wait!  
** **And as always, thanks so much for the reviews etc. :)**

* * *

 _Chapter Twelve: Pearson Specter Litt_

As the following work week gradually passed since Lily's weekend visit, Harvey and Donna only saw each other on business terms. She had a mountain of work to do; overseeing finances, HR, pay rolls, and on top of all that, organising Jessica's party for Friday. He had two back to back cases that had him and Mike teaming up to close them to the client's satisfaction, which they did.

It gave them both an excuse not to have to have another conversation about the state of their relationship. Although he believed he was ready to when the time called for it, it didn't make it any less nerve-wracking. She however, wanted to run from it, afraid of showing her feelings once more just to be left with her heart in her hands, watching him leave, again.

But it was Friday now. Time for the firm's party in Specter Litt's library. Just large enough of a venue to fit all of the guests, but not large enough for the pair to avoid one another.

Harvey knew tonight would be the night to talk to her. He was aware that he had to pick the right time. And a party, where they were both relaxing and drinking and letting their guards down seemed like the perfect fit. He figured he had given her enough time since Mark had left the scene and his mother was in town, now all he needed were the right words and the courage to deliver them.

…

It was just after 8 p.m and Harvey was making his way to the library after finishing up the paperwork on his last case of the week, his mind almost numb to it at this stage. He was in a two-piece Tom Ford dark navy number, with one button closed over his silver-grey tie. His eyes straight-away scanning the crowd for that orange glow. But all he could see were long pencil skirts, boring suits and balding heads, one mass mix of black, white and grey. The only colour being the decor and the filled champagne glasses neatly awaiting the guests on catering tables laid out on both sides of the room. The life _she_ had injected into the gathering with her impeccable eye for detail.

The party was understated yet noteworthy, just as Jessica would have wanted, just as Donna knew. There was light music playing in the background as clients and staff mingled over food and drink. Harvey knew he would have to woo some of those clients later, to make them feel as though staying with Specter Litt after Jessica's disbarment in New York and departure to Chicago, was the right move. He hated the thought, already thinking of pawning it off on Mike, but he knew that wouldn't look good.

As his eyes continued their way around the room he could already see Louis doing exactly what he was dreading doing. And he seemed to be doing a damn good job of it too, surprisingly. Laughing and drinking with clients, shaking hands with what looked to be informal business agreements.

Next Harvey's line of sight landed directly on the woman he lovingly admired all these years. No, not _her._ The other her; Jessica.

He smirked, hands in his pockets as he made his way over to her, delighted at actually seeing someone he was interested in conversing with, so he wouldn't have to mingle with the bores just yet.

She also saw him, and subtly ended the conversation with a former client before turning to meet him, "Harvey." her cat-like eyes transfixed on him, accompanied by that devilish grin of hers.

"Jessica." Harvey picked up two glasses of champagne from the neighbouring table on his left and handed his former mentor one of them, "I would have come sooner but.."

"Who wants to be here when nobody has any alcohol in them?" she finished for him, raising her glass to cheers with his own.

He nodded in both amusement and agreement, "I'm glad we get to do this though, something official."

"I see you already did something official." She straightened up, trying to act more serious but he knew she wasn't.

"I needed to do it. Once and for all. It was quite therapeutic actually." He was wearing a teasing grin.

"Hmm I'll bet." she hummed, "Although I do admit it did feel strange walking in here and not seeing my name up on that wall.. I mostly feel pride at seeing yours up there as the first. You deserve all of this Harvey, the firm wouldn't be what it is without you."

Jessica had a more relaxed energy about her these days, he even felt himself absorbing some of it off of her.

"Oh I don't know about that.." he trailed off, looking around the room as he spoke, looking for _her._

Jessica threw him a quizzical stare, awaiting an explanation. He puffed his chest before taking a sip of champagne, wishing it was a tumbler of Macallan.

"Let's just say, if she was a lawyer, it could just as easily say _Paulsen_ Specter Litt up on that wall." He joked, even though he meant it.

Jessica inhaled with a smirk and exhaled donning a more solemn stare, "I here she's doing remarkably well as COO."

"She's practically running the place." Harvey confirmed with a growing smile.

She could notice the contradicting sadness in his tone however, straight away indicating to her that something had happened between the pair. Not needing to know what exactly, she never did, she decided to steer the conversation toward the redhead without being too invasive.

"Well, we always knew she was too good to _just_ be your secretary." Jessica lowered her gaze, quirking her brows as she mocked him.

"She's too good to be my anything." He shuffled on the spot, all too aware of Jessica's intrigued glances.

"Now if you really believed that, you would have let her go a long time ago." she reasoned, sounding stern yet gentle.

Harvey furrowed his brows and pressed his mouth together before looking into his glass.

The former named partner frowned slightly, "Is there something you wanna tell me, Harvey?"

He looked back up at her then, the words just forming on his lips as his gaze shifted to the right, over Jessica's left shoulder. She could literally see his eyes dilate, telling her exactly who had entered the library.

"Donna." he nodded as she approached them.

"Harvey." she replied with a friendly smile before directing her gaze elsewhere, "Jessica. So great to see you, when did you arrive?"

"Just twenty minutes ago, I didn't wanna make a fuss, said I'd just show up. It's a great spread you've put on here Donna. Thank you." she beamed, raising her glass to the redhead.

Harvey nodded in agreement. As the ladies conversed, his attention faded away from the party and focused on its planner. His eyes drifted down her tight-fitting nude ensemble, clinging to her slender figure. As he found his eyes running down her legs, he snapped himself out of it and raised his head again, before her hair was the next thing to capture his attention. _Finally,_ he thought, _a bit of colour._

"What do you think about that, Harvey?" Jessica asked, laughing and smiling as the two women refocused their attention towards him.

He glanced from Donna back to Jessica and raised his brows in slight panic, his bottom lip dropped leaving his mouth agape, "What?" he inhaled.

Donna looked down at her white Louboutins, wishing her hair would fall over her face to mask her burgeoning smile. She knew he had been staring at her and now he was like a deer caught in the headlights.

Jessica chuckled before letting a light frown settle as she smiled at his ridiculous poker face, "Alright, on that note I'm out. I have to go mingle a bit more. I'll see yous two later." She placed her left hand on Donna's bare arm before walking off, giving Harvey a piercing stare.

"How many of those have you had already?" He looked back to Donna again to find her playfully nodding in the direction of his half-full champagne glass.

"Just the one." he defended as he necked the rest of it back. He picked up two more, handing her one as he stared her right in the eyes. She returned his gaze as she took the glass from him. He held onto it for longer than necessary, enjoying the sensational touch her fingers awarded him, before he let it go. He raised his glass to hers, the clink sound ripping them both from their ridiculously heavy eye contact, "If you don't include this one."

She let out a brief giggle before bringing her own glass to her glossed lips. Not seeing much of him this week had actually been a bit of a relief for her. At least that way she didn't find herself blushing every time he looked at her the way he doesn't even know he looks at her.

Donna's head moved around the room then, she crossed her arms under her chest, holding onto her slim frame, as if she was suddenly cold. Her eyes fixated on a certain spot, the memory sending shivers through her veins.

Harvey turned his neck and followed her stare before realising where it landed. He looked back to her, empathy oozing from his dark, umber eyes, "Bringing back memories?"

"Ones I'd rather forget." she mused, thinking back to the mock trial years ago.

"What do you say we get out of here for a bit?" His sudden suggestion completely took her by surprise. The shock on her face, that she tried to hide, forced him to elaborate, "I mean you organised all of this, you deserve a break from all the.." he leaned over to whisper in her ear after glimpsing around the room, "boring old men in suits."

She looked at him then, a cheeky glint in his eye as he sipped the champagne. Questions forming in her brain. _How on earth do I resist him? Do I even want to?_

"You do realise that description matches you almost perfectly?" Donna teased, relaxing again.

"It does. Except for the boring and old part." he retorted with a charming boyishness about him.

They both shared a harmonious chuckle.

"Well.." She went along with his previous request, "I suppose we could do with something stronger than this." Her hand raised to hold up her glass, "But not now, it's too early to ditch the party just yet."

Pulling up a smile he hid his disappointment, "My office at 10?"

Donna was taken aback at his directness. She panicked suddenly at the thought of the two of them alone in his office, late at night, with alcohol in their veins, "Perfect. I'll tell the others."

"The others?" he asked, voice full of discouragement.

"Yes. The six of us. Like old times." She walked away before he could change his mind about the invite list.

"Yeah ..the six of us." he mumbled to himself in annoyance.

…

As the hours ticked by, Harvey had made his effort to speak to as much clients as he could bare, securing all the major ones with the help of Jessica and Louis. He could charm clients in his sleep. However, his next goal of the night would prove to be much harder; getting time, alone, with the woman he loves to tell her that he loves her. But Harvey Specter was nothing if not an over achiever and this was his most heart-racing yet exciting case, to date.

The famous six were all in his office by 10 o'clock. Mike and Rachel entering, making it five in the room, followed shortly by Donna then. He smiled upon seeing her, before turning to fill six glasses of whiskey. He let everyone else retrieve their own drink from the table as he waltzed over to Donna with hers. Something he would have done anyway, but after all they'd been through in the last two weeks, if not the last two months, it seemed even sweeter now. The modern jazz playing on the record player in the back helped smother the whispers from the four others as they spied on the doting pair.

"Yous _can_ sit with us, you know?" Mike teased from the couch in the far corner, wondering if Harvey would even know Mean Girls.

Harvey and Donna awkwardly broke their gaze.

"Even though we didn't wear pink last Wednesday?" Donna quipped back sharply.

She made her way over to the group first, with him then landing at her left side as the six gathered in a circle raising their glasses into a toast.

"To Pearson Specter Litt." Louis said loudly, a proud grin spreading rapidly across his face as he looked to Jessica first.

"To Specter Litt." she added, throwing her warm eyes to Harvey and Louis.

Harvey nodded in appreciation before looking to his right but not letting his eyes fully land on her. "To Paulsen.." he began, emphasizing her name, "Ross and Zane."

Rachel could see Donna was at a loss for a suitable reaction so she stepped in to break the silence. "Okay is that the last of the toasts? Because my arm is getting tired." she chuckled as they all lowered their glasses.

Donna looked to her left to glimpse at Harvey. When he smiled back at her, she felt everything. All of it, at once. She was inwardly cursing herself for suggesting that the other four join them, feeling the need to speak to him alone, to give him one last chance to explain, to prove himself.

…

Half an hour later and the group were all spread out in Harvey's office, somewhat tipsier. Four were in deep conversations on and around the couch. Harvey began slowly drifting his attention in an out until his head turned to Jessica and Donna a few feet away nearer to his desk, engrossed in a conversation of their own. He wished he had the music on a little lower so he could hear what they were saying.

"Thank you, Jessica. That means a lot." Harvey caught Donna's last sentence before she re-approached the rest of the group.

The COO furrowed her brows as she looked around the room then, "We're still missing Gretchen and Alex."

"Alex was caught up talking to a client the last I saw of him and Gretchen's probably making the most of all free the champagne and food in the library. I'll go get her." Louis suggested with a smile.

"No!" Donna interrupted, "I'll get her." She had said it quite adamantly, causing Harvey, Louis and Rachel to glance at her before she attempted to recover, "It'll give me the chance to check up on things downstairs. What kind of planner would I be if I completely ditched the party?" she smiled, trying to cover up her desperate need to leave, to take a breather after her conversation with Jessica.

Harvey watched her depart somewhat abruptly as he creased his frown with added confusion. He could sense she wanted to leave, but why? He rose from the couch and made his way over to Jessica who was leaning against his desk then, glancing around her old office, with a nostalgic look about her.

"I don't remember saying you could make this much changes?" she toyed.

He cocked his head and curled his lips in mock bemusement, "I don't remember asking?"

They both shared a laugh, "Really though, I like what you've done with the place. Even if the desk is at the other side of the room now." she said with an unimpressed look.

"I like it here." he defended.

She lowered her voice and sent him a deliberate smirk. "Of course you do."

"Meaning?"

"It brings you all that much closer to the COO next door." All of her teeth were showing as she shook her head and grinned at his perplexed reaction.

"That's ridiculous." he muttered, taking a sip of his drink, amused at how most of his conversations seemed to revolve around the same redhead lately.

"Mmm.." she hummed, "I don't recall having to have a COO right next door when I was Managing Partner?"

"Very funny."

"I get it Harvey. You've had more than twelve years with her right at your side.. I don't think you'd survive if she was much further away than this." she said, her index finger waving between back and forth between both offices.

"Trust me, she's a lot further away than you'd think." Harvey retorted without even thinking.

Jessica expressed a more solemn demeanor then as she straightened up to finish the conversation they were about to have in the library, before their topic of conversation joined them, "I'm gonna ask you again, Harvey." she darted her eyes over to the other three making sure they were still distracted, they were busy debating the best take-outs in town, "Is there something you wanna tell me? Because I'm not blind, and I'm certainly not stupid."

He took in a deep breath before leaning on the table next to her, both of them side by side then. He looked lost in thought before springing his next question on her, "How do you take that leap, Jessica? When you both work so closely together?" He looked to her then, almost desperate for the perfect answer, the solution to a majorly reoccurring fear of his.

"You just take it, Harvey. There's no 'how' about it. It either happens.." she raised her glass to her plump lips, "or it doesn't." she finished, swallowing a mouthful of her drink.

"You and Jeff didn't work though? Not in the office anyway."

"I was keeping secrets from Jeff. That's why we didn't work out then, not because we worked together." she reasoned, trying to convince him, "But I'm not lying to him or myself anymore and we're happy now."

Jessica examined the torn expression on his face, his age lines more visible to her now than they ever had been before, causing her to wonder about how much added stress he had been battling as of late. She smiled softly, "But you and Donna don't keep secrets from each other. So I think yous would be just fine."

He offered her a warm smile, thankful for her mentoring once more, only this time it had nothing to do with the law, "When is the right time? After all this time, I mean.."

Jessica sneered lightly, "Harvey, 'the right time' would have been thirteen god damn years ago! Every time since has been a missed opportunity.. just don't miss out on any more. She won't wait forever, you know?" she warned.

"I think I'm already too late." He muttered into his glass before drinking, "She doesn't wanna talk about it, Jessica."

"Maybe that's true, and all these years of you two avoiding the issue has become a familiar comfort for her. But maybe deep down she really does wanna talk. She _is_ Donna God Damn Paulsen, after all."

Harvey exhaled a laugh, whilst still feeling the truth of what had been said.

"Cut the bullshit and just tell her, Harvey."

He gave her a slow nod. Jessica looked back to the group and then to Harvey, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go talk to Mike and tell him to stop staring at me with those guilty puppy-dog eyes of his." she chuckled.

"He blames himself for your disbarment. Go easy on him." Harvey smirked.

"Oh can't I have a little fun first?" she teased.

…

It was soon approaching midnight and everyone had gone home. Almost everyone, at least. The party was a success and most, if not all, of the clients went home happy to stay with Specter Litt.

Harvey and Donna were the only ones left on the 50th floor.

He was alone in his office clearing the glasses the group had shared earlier, his record player still playing in the background. He looked over to it then, a light bulb almost visibly appearing above his head.

He made his way over to his albums which were stacked neatly in the cubicles on the wall, and picked out one he had never played aloud in his office before. He had only ever listened to it at home and with his father as a child, before that. Carefully removing the record from its case he stopped the current one that was playing, allowing a brief silence to take over as the music cut off and he switched discs.

Donna was in her own office, just about to leave for home when the silence was filled again. She was stood at her desk, about to put on her coat. She stopped and shook her head, smiling sweetly. She left her coat down and bit her bottom lip before encouraging herself to make her way to his doorway.

There she stood, right arm and hip against the glass frame. He had his back turned to her, focused on the record player.

She crooked her head to the right, "You could have just asked me to come in here, you know?" she smirked, quirking that left brow of hers.

He spun around, forcing an innocent expression as he played dumb, "What do you mean?"

She pushed herself off the door frame and strut her way towards him, "Oh come on. You play your Dad's favourite record in the office, knowing you're not alone.. and expect me not to come in here?"

"How do you know about the record?"

"Seriously?" she defended in mock annoyance.

"You're Donna." he beamed softly, answering his own question whilst lowering his chin at her.

He looked down then, hands in his pockets, his shirt and tie were loosened as he had taken off his jacket. She was stood beside him moments later, as close to the player as he was.

"Harvey. We may not be as present in each others lives any more," He inhaled sharply at the harsh reality of her statement, "but I still know you better than I know the back of my own hand." They looked at each other, both smiling brightly at her second truth.

"Oh I bet I could still surprise you.." he defended with a false frown.

"How so?" she challenged.

Harvey removed his hands from his pockets and placed his right palm between them, facing it toward the ceiling, waiting for hers to accompany it.

" _You.._ " she giggled, "want to dance?"

He cocked his head and dropped his lower lip with a youthful expression on his face, "See. Surprised you." he said, raising his brows.

Donna inhaled a deeper breath, eyeing him up, still in disbelief, still smiling. She raised her left hand and placed it on his right one. He immediately shifted their hands around so that their fingers were locked. He moved closer then, both still smirking, the intimacy of the moment not yet having its full effect on them as they laughed together at how obsurd it all was.

Until his hand was on her waist a second later. She looked up at him then, her face half a foot from his own. Her eyes were wider, darker, shakier. Her smile disappeared and was replaced by an intense stare. She moved her other hand up towards his left shoulder almost on reflex, her flat palm smoothing up his shirt on the way, absorbing the feel of his firm chest before it reached its destination, her fingers doing their own slow dance against the nape of his neck.

They both felt like something was aligning, allowing them to come back to each other. Now he just needed to tell her everything. And she just needed to hear it.

They gradually swayed their way into the middle of the room. He decided to give her a twirl to lighten the moment, both of them laughing at the action. He really did it however, so he could pull her closer when he spun her back around. Which he did, startling her slightly. Their chests fully colliding on the impact, his hand planted even more securely on her back afterwards.

Donna felt safe and warm, yet dangerously vulnerable. She could see what was about to happen. It scared her. How much she wanted it. How much she missed his lips, his touch. She couldn't help but think of their last kiss then. How he had shown up to her home, drunk, and planted his lips onto hers passionately, but without an explanation, unearthing all of her feelings once again.

 _Not this time_ , she thought. He wasn't getting away without talking about his emotions with her. So she could decipher what they meant and make a sound decision from there.

The music stopped after another minute of slow, intimate dancing. Both their gaze and hold on one another still remaining quite intensely however.

" _Love me how?"_ she asked in a loud whisper, trying to control her sudden blinking as her eyes glazed over.

He was suddenly afraid then. This was the moment. He hadn't expected her to ask him straight out and what he had planned to say in his head had gone out the window, the words dissolving into the now stormy atmosphere of his brain as he desperately scrambled to gather the remnants of them. He had never told someone he was in love with them before. He wasn't sure if he would be physically able to. He opened up his mouth but no sound came out.

Donna's heart was thudding heavily then. Her stomach felt like it was sinking inside of her. Her nerves began to numb all over her body. She let him go then, pushing herself off of him. She held her own frame as she faced the door, shaking her head. _How the hell.. am I here again?_

He was caught in a daze of his own, shocked at his inability to speak yet again. He looked to her then and made his way over, hand reaching to her shoulder, she slipped away from him, not wanting to feel him on her again, "Donna."

She was about to speak, unsure of what was even about to come out of her mouth when Louis entered, throwing his thumb back in the direction of the doorway.

"Harvey, I was just leaving the lobby when one of Jessica's former clients call-" He looked around the room then. His eyes landing on a despondent looking Donna, "Everything okay here?"

"Everything is fine Louis. What were you saying?" Harvey asked, frustrated but also partially relieved at the timing of his friends arrival.

"Donna?" Louis turned his gaze back to her, concern plastered all over his face.

"I'm fine Louis." She let go of her waist then and stood up straighter, thankful the tears hadn't yet fallen, "I'll see you tomorrow." she said, forcing a smile as she swept by him, not even looking back at Harvey, only leaving them with the scent of her perfume as she disappeared.

"What the hell was that!?" Louis shouted accusingly, raising his arms in question and darting his head towards a pensive looking Harvey.

"Don't start Louis." he warned.

"I think I will, Harvey! Because you just let the most amazing woman you know walk out of your office near tears, AGAIN!" He was becoming enraged quickly as he remembered Donna leaving Harvey's office upset a couple of weeks ago during their meeting, and him telling Harvey he didn't want to see it happen again.

"You don't know shit Louis!" Harvey stated angrily, taking a step closer to him.

"I know there's a lot more going on between you two than you would care to share. And that you've obviously hurt her, which is all I need to know!"

Harvey retreated a bit then, releasing a deep deflated sigh.

"You can't even see how much she cares about you can you?" Louis squinted his eyes and curled his lips, almost in disgust.

Louis noticed how distraught Harvey looked then, how disappointed in himself he seemed to be even. He decided to take a softer approach, aware that shouting wouldn't get them anywhere, "The night I went around to her home, to tell her about Mike getting arrested, she first assumed something had happened to you.. and she literally looked like she had lost a piece of her soul, Harvey. _If not her soulmate._ "

Harvey's eyes were stinging in a desperate attempt to hold his tears back in front of his colleague and friend, "I don't know how to tell her, Louis." he admitted in defeat, knowing Louis would know what he meant, the man was more clued in than he once thought.

"Right now, you just have to go find her Harvey. And after that? Just open that huge god damn mouth of yours and admit to her how you feel." he encouraged.

Harvey clenched his jaw and nodded. He looked lost then as he began to imagine where she would have went, knowing she hadn't returned to her office.

"Rooftop." Louis smiled.

Harvey grabbed his jacket and ran to the elevators. As he pressed the button that would bring him to the roof, he wished they weren't on the 50th and final floor. It would have given him more time to think if the elevator ride had of been longer. Time to arrange the words in his head. But nothing came to him anyway. Where would he even begin? _How do you tell your bestfriend that you're in love with her?_

Donna was standing on the rooftop, surely enough. Her eyes transfixed on the buildings ahead, although she wasn't really observing anything. Her palms were laying flat on the wall as she leaned into it. Her thoughts were distracting her from the cold as her teeth began to chatter and the goosebumps on her naked arms rose amongst the freckles.

As he locked eyes on her back, he froze. Seeing her there alone, fragile and vulnerable, yet at the same time so strong, he knew he didn't have the right to barge over there after what he just put her through, once again.

"You wanna be alone?" Donna jumped at the soft call of his voice some ten feet behind her.

She closed her eyes and tightened her grip on the wall, still not looking back. She didn't particularly want him there at that moment in time, not knowing what she might say, but now that he was there she didn't really want him to leave either.

"No." she replied hoarsely.

Once his presence was given her approval he found himself somewhat rushing to her side, wriggling out of his suit jacket that he had just put back on in the elevator, "Donna.. you'll catch your death up here!"

Before she knew it he had it draped tenderly around her, still warm from his body, soothing her, grounding her. She looked to the right of her then, to him, at her side, looking like he was staring at a ghost. Realising how forlorn she must have looked she tried to ease his worry. "I'm fine." she declared, clenching the part of the jacket hanging over her left arm with her right hand, their fingers touching as he ran his left hand up and down her arm in a desperate attempt to heat her up. The cold was tolerable but he still wished she'd had a coat on, she looked numb.

"What are you thinking about?" He began slowing down the movements he was making over her arms.

"Me." She looked to him then, making eye contact for the first time, "You. Us."

He inched away slightly to get a better look at her, whilst removing his arms from around hers soon after, allowing her to feel the cold again somewhat, even with the jacket enveloping her. He wasn't sure what to do or what to say, it was always much easier in his head. He let her speak, sensing she needed to get something off her chest.

"Seeing Jessica today just reminded me that there's more to life than this firm, if I want there to be."

Harvey felt panicked. Until he forced himself to stop thinking about him, "You wanna leave the firm?" he managed to get out softly, after a deep breath.

She looked into his eyes, almost trembling, before turning her head away.

"Is this because of what happened back there because I just got scared Donna.. I'm ready to.." he stopped mid sentence.

"To what, Harvey?" she spat out, smiling in vain, "Why is it always so hard for you to say it?" Her voice was becoming croakier as a lump formed in her throat.

"Because!" he shouted slightly, waving his arms in the air before they came smacking back down at his sides, "You're the only thing in this world that I cannot function without! And no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, I feel like saying it only opens me up, opens us up, to losing each other."

Donna had heard enough. She was determined to get out of this never-ending circle, "We've already lost each other, Harvey."

"We've been finding our way back ever since the kiss and you know it." He was finally beginning to find his words when her next ones cut through them, through him.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't be _here,_ anymore. It never ends. _This_ never ends." Her voice becoming bitter at the statement.

"What do you mean you can't be here?" he swallowed, afraid she would reveal that she wanted to leave the firm, leave him.

"I don't know, Harvey." She had more of a peacefulness about her when she spoke next, "I'm gonna have to think on that."

He shook his head and gently grabbed her arms, encouraging her to face him fully, "Donna, you don't have to leave."

Their eyes mirrored one another as they both welled up, pupils dilated and shaky.

"We're just hurting each other. _I'm hurting._ You need to let me go, Harvey." She meant it figuratively, but seeing as he was literally holding on to her, he did as she asked.

She slipped herself out of his jacket and handed it back to him. Both of them holding onto it together for longer than was needed, as if it was a symbol of their relationship, before she loosened her grip fully.

Harvey watched her walk off, her slim frame becoming blurrier as the tears stained his vision. He blinked once and they fell onto his cheeks, when his sight cleared up he could see that she was gone.

 _I'm hurting._ Her wounded voice echoing around in his head for the hundredth time since she left. He was unable to do anything but hate himself. Hate himself for convincing himself that he was worthy of her. When he couldn't even tell her he loved her in the way she needed to hear it.

He turned to face the buildings, firmly planting his knuckles on the steel wall frame as he leaned into it, shoulders hunched over as the weight of the world cruelly lay on top of them.

After what felt like an hour but was really only ten minutes, he made his way down to the lobby, on autopilot. It was too late at night to call Ray so he hailed down a cab, something he wouldn't be overly accustomed to, but in that moment he didn't care, he just needed to get home.

As he lay down that night he couldn't help but think of her potentially leaving the firm, the only thing currently still tying their lives together. Three hours later and she was still on his mind. He took a sleeping pill in defeat and drifted in and out of consciousness until he fell into a heavy slumber.

.

.

* * *

 **Please don't hate me I did intend on having Harvey admit his feelings fully in this instalment but it just got too long. Good news is, the final chapter is almost finished and should be up in 24 hrs! Also the story takes place over less than 3 weeks and I think we'd be very lucky if Harvey in the show actually told her that quick!**

 **Thanks for reading, please review :) x**


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay I got a bit carried away so the final chapter took slightly longer than 24hrs..  
But hopefully the content is worth it!  
This is my longest chapter yet so hope yous like it!  
** **Thanks so much for all the latest reviews as always.**

 **Oh, and enjoy reading an emotionally intelligent Harvey..**

* * *

 _Chapter Thirteen: The Painting, Her Letter and His Confession_

Donna awoke bright and early the next morning with roughly four hours sleep in her. She had already spent hours relaying her options in her head when she got home after the altercation the previous night;

1\. Leave the firm and find a new job in the City. Maybe even a career change.  
2\. Leave the state, start afresh somewhere far away. Chicago, like Jessica had suggested, perhaps.  
3\. Stay at the firm and remain in this vicious cycle with the man she loves, out of fear of finding out what her life would be like without him.

By 8.00 a.m, she had decided.  
By 8.15 a.m, she had changed her decision.  
By 8.30 a.m, she had forced herself to make up her mind.

Donna gathered her coat and bag and was about to open her door when there was a couple of knocks. She hesitated for a moment before shaking away the panic. It wasn't _his_ knock..

She opened the door to a friendly faced delivery man resting a large, square shaped package against the wall. She frowned in intrigue before leaning her head back and biting her bottom lip, realising what it was. She rolled her eyes at the timing of it all before offering the man a warm greeting and signing the delivery report.

The arrival had somewhat thrown her off her game, making her decision even harder. She didn't go to the firm that day, deciding to work from home instead.

…

Harvey slept through his alarm thanks to a certain sleep-inducing pharmaceutical he had taken at 4 in the morning, in a desperate attempt to numb his mind to certain issues. But he woke up groggy, certain he dreamed of her anyway. Of her leaving.

It was about 10 a.m when he crawled out of his bed. He checked his phone, telling himself it was in case any clients had tried calling, but really there was only one person's name he wanted to see in his notifications. But she wasn't there. He sighed, debating whether or not to go into work. It was a Saturday and he didn't have any urgent cases. He thought she might be there though and he just wanted to see her, to see if she was okay, and to make sure she hadn't quit yet. But he was certain he had at least two weeks to sort things. Two weeks notice that was.

He stayed at home.

…

Monday morning came all too quickly. Both of them feeling as though the weekend hadn't offered enough time.

Donna had made her decision however, her affairs were now in order.

Harvey figured he'd speak to her at some stage during the day, to try fix things.

The lawyer was fed, watered, suited and booted when he entered the firm early that morning. He could see her in her office, head down typing up something. He swooped into his own office, the silence of the room lasting all of two seconds before his mind began ringing with thoughts of the woman next door. He sat down at his desk only to sit up again moments later, eager to go see her. Just as he was half way to the door, she appeared inside it.

They both paused, not expecting to bump into one another.

"I uhh.. was just about to come see you." He muttered nervously.

"You were?" There was a relief in her voice that she didn't expect.

He nodded with a straight smile, before relaxing his shoulders, sending her an apologetic stare.

She shook her optimism then, forcing herself to stick to her previous decision.

"You first." he offered.

One high-chested breath later, she spoke, "I spent the entire weekend thinking things over. We need to talk, Harvey." she stated, ensuring to maintain a firm tone.

He swallowed then. Her face, her voice, her words, all confirming his worst nightmare. She wanted to leave. He had fucked things up so much that she physically needed to escape the firm. And him.

"Donna.." his voice melted away as he tried to utter something, anything, to convince her to stay.

Before she got the chance to confirm it, Mike stumbled in rather frantically, unintentionally interrupting their moment. "Har-vey." He sighed mid speech at what he saw, hating having to disrupt whatever discussion they were having knowing he couldn't leave without talking to his boss.

Harvey however, seemed relieved at his friends timing. It meant he wouldn't have to hear her say that she was leaving him, now he had more time to mend things, so he thought.

His subtle relief didn't go unnoticed by Donna, who was still carefully observing him, shaking her head slightly at his mediocre attempt to mask his delight. But she knew him like he knew the law, he couldn't hide a damn thing from her.

"What is it, Mike?" he asked, trying to sound annoyed.

"Uhh, it's Gregory Johnson, he was at the party Friday? He's with Louis now but wants to see you too. I'm sorry but it's important."

Harvey turned to Donna. She knew and he knew. A potential client like that could not wait, not with the money his company could offer the firm.

The redhead closed her eyes and sighed. Business once again trumping the personal, "It's okay, it can wait." she murmured.

"We'll talk later, I promise." he nodded to her firmly, before joining Mike.

The pair left for Louis' office side by side, leaving Donna alone in Harvey's. Her right hand holding onto her left arm, she began to shake. She inhaled a deep breath, realising then that she herself was also a bit relieved at not having to tell him yet. She looked to his beloved picture on the wall, reminding her of what she needed to do, before biting her bottom lip and returning to her own office.

…

Harvey's meeting went on longer than expected and when he finally got back to the office, Donna was tied up in work of her own, so he decided to leave it until later. That evening offered him another chance to go see her but when he did, she wasn't there. He decided make his way home for the night then, to gather his thoughts and practice what he actually wanted to tell Donna. Other than the fact that he was in love with her, of course.

Donna had spent most of the day somewhat avoiding him. Well, making sure that she was buried in paperwork and meetings of her own at least. She had realised how scary telling him would be when she had tried to do it earlier that morning before Mike barged in. She felt sick at the thought.

She met Mike in the halls again later, who informed her that Harvey had just left to go home, "Is everything okay, Donna?" he asked, seeing her inner frustration, knowing full well it wasn't.

Donna looked at him then, the younger brother she had never asked for but now couldn't imagine her life without. She had been a parental figure to him since he stepped foot inside the firm, guiding him emotionally, as she did with everyone else, but with him there was an added satisfaction to her work, seeing how far he'd come since they first met.

A thought occurred to her then, that thanks to Mike, Harvey began to evolve into the softer, more compassionate man he had become of late. The aspiring young lawyer was the catalyst for his bosses emotional growth, with Donna navigating it as per usual.

She reached out and gently squeezed his arm, the goodbye she was giving him without his knowledge, "It will be soon. Thank you, Mike." she smiled meaningfully before heading for the elevators, leaving him to wonder.

As she entered the harshly lit lobby, she saw him there, stuck talking to someone in a suit, he looked like he wanted to get out of there. He saw her then, from afar, pretending not to notice her he abruptly ended his conversation. Starting to walk away, through the hallway, desperate to reach the doors which were now the gateway to his escape. His one and only exit taking him away from the unfathomable fear she was about to confirm. Once she said it, it would make it real.

She shook her head at his shrinking figure, and began making strides towards him. Once she was within earshot she let him have it, "Don't you _dare_ walk away from me Harvey!" Her heated demand becoming an icy echo against the heavy glass, high walls and hard marble tiles.

He stopped in his tracks, thankful there was nobody around the extravagantly sized hallway then. The glass walls teased him, offering a visual of where he needed to be, out there, getting into Ray's car. He turned to face her soon after, his cold, blank stare refusing to show how he really felt inside; panicked, threatened and alone. Donna-less.

"What is it, Donna?"

" _What is it?_ " she mimicked in disbelief, " _What is it!?_ "

He cocked his head to the side and opened his mouth, an impatient look on his finely chiseled face, "I didn't mea-"

"So what _did_ you mean?" She began closing the gap between them then so that they were less than an arm's length apart. Any closer and she would have actually heard his heart slamming against his chest, "Because what I thought you meant this morning by, " _we'll talk later, I promise."_ , was that we would actually talk later!?"

He felt himself becoming defensive, as he always did when someone was shining a magnifying glass down on his ugly behaviour, "What's there to talk about, huh!?" he bellowed back at her, straight away filling with contempt for himself.

"A lot, Harvey." she stated in amazement at his denial ability, stepping back an inch to observe him in disbelief.

He couldn't stand any more of her looks then. Not realising the full impact his words would have, he spat them out at her. "You wanna leave, Donna? Then leave! What do I care? That's all we ever do to each other these days anyway, right? So if you're gonna go, just go."

He waved his hand toward her, trying to seem as disinterested and indifferent as possible. He wasn't sure why though, he knew he didn't want to hurt her, but something inside of him was doing it anyway, as if to be the one to do it first so he wouldn't be the one left in pieces afterwards. The most spiteful of protective mechanisms.

Besides that, he actually found himself wanting to make her feel guilty for leaving and also hating himself for wanting her to stay when all she needed was to leave, so it seemed.

He wasn't facing her fully anymore, his back was to the glass walls almost completely, his right shoulder pointing to her more than his body was. Telling her that he was desperate to flee. He looked at her face after he had spoke then, wishing he hadn't. Only seeing an image he knew he could never erase. He had broken her heart, her spirit, and just her in general, with the mere release of a few dozen words. Meaningless, untruthful ones, the exact opposite of the ones he wanted, the ones he needed, to say. She was almost unrecognisable, the unfiltered hurt oozing from her features as she eyed him up and down in disgust, wondering was it even still him she was looking at. He physically couldn't take one more second of it.

"I should go." he said calmly, with an underlying annoyance in his tone still, except it was aimed only at himself this time.

"Yeah. You should." she nodded with a disheartened frown.

Donna stood there in shock, watching him leave, for the first time in her life feeling like she actually wanted him to.

One step forward, a dozen backward.

…

She gathered herself quickly once he had left and went back upstairs. Standing over her desk she pulled out the sealed envelope from its drawer, with a letter inside it that she had written earlier in the day. She looked at it for a moment before picking up her multi-coloured Bic pen and clicking down the black slide. With a pang in her chest, or more accurately, in her heart, she stained the white envelope with the black ink; _Harvey._

She put on her coat and handbag, also carrying an extra bag packed with some of her more sentimental office items and took what she felt to be one last look around her office, smiling bitter-sweetly at her name displayed on the glass panel.

Rachel appeared on the other side of it then, about to head home for the night when she saw Donna standing there, a sad reminiscence about her, "Hey you." the budding lawyer said sweetly, hanging outside the doorway.

Donna inhaled and looked away from the lettering, "Hey yourself." she whispered, throat slightly hoarse from her most recent brawl.

"Everything okay?" Rachel asked, unknowingly parroting her fiancés own question from before, glancing at the second black bag her friend was carrying.

Donna looked down and chuckled before taking a step closer to Rachel, a heartbreaking smile spreading across her face, "Always worrying about me, aren't you?"

"That's what sisters do." Rachel replied softly, and matter-of-factly. She looked at Donna even closer then, feeling as though words wouldn't rid whatever was eating at her, she extended her arms, "You're always there when I need a warm hug, so come here."

Donna's eyes began to sting, she tightened her lips and bit down on her tongue, before giving in and dropping her bags to the floor. They both took a step forward and closed the gap between them then. Rachel's cream coated arms wrapping around her taller friend's middle spine, as the handbag in her right hand rested against the redhead's back.

Donna was doing everything in her power to hold back the sobbing then as she strung her own arms around her confidants upper back. A hug making everything more real. Squeezing out the tears she had thought were dried up at this stage. Turned out there were always more tears to cry for that man. She didn't make a sound, but Rachel knew she was crying. After one last tight grip, they let go. Donna looked down and let out a nervous laugh followed by an exhausted sigh as she wiped away the tears.

Rachel released a sympathetic if not empathetic frown, pressing her lips together, unable to take her eyes away from her friend, allowing her time to speak when she was ready.

"I'm leaving him." she revealed as she exhaled, "I have to. I should have done it weeks ago, but I couldn't. I didn't want to."

Rachel nodded in painful understanding, yet inwardly confused as she thought the pair seemed so happy at the party just three days prior. But it was Donna and Harvey. She was all too aware that the neglected tension between them always threatened to turn bad moments into good ones, and vice versa.

"Where are you going?" she asked sadly.

"Chicago."

Rachel wistfully nodded once more, realising that this was their goodbye. She tossed her own feelings aside and focused on Donna's.

"Don't forget about me, you." she whispered, tears welling up in her topaz-brown eyes.

Donna didn't need to reassure that she could never do that, her face answered for her, "That's what FaceTime is for." she winked, affectionately tapping Rachel's arm in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood, "And once the dust settles I'll visit, and you can visit, we'll be sick of each other in no time at all!" She was trying to sound as optimistic as possible, knowing in reality they wouldn't get to see each other that much.

"You're still my Maid of Honor, you know?" Rachel asserted.

"Rach, you would have to pry that title from my cold, dead hands." she quipped, before returning to seriousness, "I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world."

Rachel moved her lips into an 'o' shape and slowly breathed out, before going in for another, briefer, hug. This one was for her, the last one she offered being for Donna. She pushed herself away then, hands still holding the redhead's upper arms, "Call me as soon as you land, okay?"

"Of course." Donna smiled dolefully, "And this isn't goodbye, so I'm not gonna say that." she added.

"Be happy, Donna." she demanded affectionately.

One last loving gaze and Rachel turned on her heels, making her way back out into the hallway, pausing momentarily so smile back at her friend before reluctantly heading on her way.

Guilt set in almost immediately afterwards for Donna as she realised she was almost about to leave without even telling Rachel or saying goodbye properly. She felt the need to see everyone else then but time was against her, and they would all be gone home too by now. Besides, telling Rachel had taken almost every last bit of energy she had left, she wouldn't be able to go through two more rounds of that with Mike and Louis. She had faith that they would understand, well, she had faith Mike would understand, for Louis she would have to pray to about ten different gods that he wouldn't resent her for it.

Donna returned to what she was about to do before her friend unexpectedly stopped by. She knew Harvey wouldn't be returning tonight. She entered his relatively new office, the memories of sharing drinks, dancing and heated conversations bouncing off the walls as she walked through.

" _We are anything but united, Donna."  
_ " _I'm not happy, Donna."  
_ " _Love me how?"_

All of their most recent conversations since the kiss seeming pointless then, words once offering cruel glimpses of hope as he tried to open up to her, now sweeping through her mind as cold, echoing, despair-filled winds, reminding her that he didn't care to try harder.

She slowly and neatly lay the envelope down on his spotless desk. Remembering the years she did such tasks as his secretary, during happier times, albeit times that were always underlined with a stroke of doubt, and a fear of risk.

Tears started to form under her eyelids but she held them back, glancing around the room her tired eyes falling on the painting again, reminding her of the last gift she had left for him earlier that day, before she left his office without looking back.

She turned right, taking the longer route to the elevators, giving herself one last chance to see her old cubicle on the way.

Continuing her journey, she landed in Louis' office next, knowing it would be empty thanks to her informant Gretchen. A smile swept across her ivory cheeks as she stood at his desk, looking at the picture he still had of her, sitting there proudly displaying her in all her Shakespearian glory. Pressing her lips into a thin line, she opened her handbag and slid her second envelope of the night down onto the dark mahogany. Inside this one however, was a receipt for a mudding appointment dated one month away, for two people. She knew that when he found out about her departure, he would see this as her way of saying, "I'll see you soon".

Making her way out into the dark, cold night, she walked over to an awaiting cab opening the door before looking up towards the building that held the majority of her memories over the last decade. She inhaled then before exhaling deeply, as if letting them go, knowing the weight of them inside her would only force her to stay stuck in that spot, never to leave.

Climbing into the cab, she called out her address and stared out the window for the duration of the ride, the reflecting street lights dancing against her face just as the thoughts danced around in her mind.

…

As Harvey stepped off the elevator to his apartment he frowned upon spotting a parcel leaning against his door frame. He took out his keys and opened the door before picking up the large package. It was much lighter than he initially thought it would be. He made his way inside, kicking the door closed behind him. Throwing the keys down on the marble counter, he lay the package out flat, the lights above now shining on the address he first assumed to be his.

Then he saw the name; _Donna Paulsen._

He lowered his brows in bemusement. He didn't want to open it, seeing as it was addressed to her home. Then he realised she must have left it at his door at some stage during the day, or had someone else deliver it, _before the argument in the lobby._

He flipped it over and that's when he saw the other name, the sender's name; _Lilian Specter._

Underneath that was a small white card stuck to the brown wrap paper.

 _"New beginnings._

 _-D"_

Harvey was even more baffled then and couldn't even guess what might be inside. _What plan had they hatched up together last week?_

His curiosity reached its peak and he gave in, carefully slicing the parcel paper open with a knife at the top. He then pulled out its contents which were smothered in a layer of protective wrap. He could see an array of colours bursting out through the translucent bubbles, morphing the image of what was underneath. He had a fair idea then and he paused for a moment. _Of course she would pull this off,_ he thought to himself, beaming as a visual of Donna was projected onto his mind's eye, until the painful image of her in the lobby overrode it, cracking his heart in two once more.

Without further hesitation he ripped away the bubble wrap and gazed at the canvas before him. His lips pressed together and his jaw set. His heart mending with pure admiration, gratitude and love.

After a moment of taking it in he picked it up, both hands on either side of the square object, standing it up on the counter. It wasn't an exact replica of the one he lost, but almost. He guessed that was the point. A symbol of the new relationship he was building with his mother. He stared at the image, a homely hue of mostly blues and greens and yellows and oranges.

Almost immediately, he carried himself to the white wall beside the brick-walled fire place and removed some meaningless picture that was already hanging there. He replaced it with his mother's painting. He stood back and glanced at it smiling softly from ear to ear. _One for home now too_ , he thought.

Soon after, he pictured Donna again. Seeing the painting reminded him of everything his mother made him realise when she was visiting. He wasn't going to let the love of his life go without a fight.

Glancing at the clock he realised she was probably still at work. He wanted to thank her first of all, but he still owed her that conversation he promised earlier. And an apology for his most recent behaviour. He grabbed his coat and called Ray to come pick him up as he descended down the elevator.

…

Meanwhile the love of his life, was just about finished packing up her life.

She had thought about it the entire weekend. Finally coming to the conclusion that she needed to get away from the City too. The home she once loved was now polluted with painful memories and reminders of what she couldn't have, what he would never give her.

Her and Jessica had spoken about Chicago at the party that Friday. She told Donna that there would always be a job for her there if she needed it. Even though she didn't think Donna would actually take her up on her offer, she still meant it, and now that Donna had, Jessica figured it would give Harvey the last push he needed to profess his love for her. She just hoped she wasn't wrong and in fact helping to further the wedge between the pair.

Donna had spent most of Sunday boxing up her things, deciding to go in for one last day on Monday, to say a proper goodbye before leaving the following afternoon. But when the time came to tell Harvey that morning, he walked away the first chance he got and then ran away again that evening in the lobby. She figured just leaving would be easier for everyone.

Gretchen had been a huge aid, agreeing to help find a suitable replacement for Donna and have her work load distributed out to capable staff. The last thing she wanted to do was leave the firm high and dry. However, she still needed to get out, it was now or never.

Harvey wouldn't understand at first, he would see it as abandonment, she thought. And maybe he would be right to some degree. But the fact was, she would always be there for him should he need it, she just needed to be there for herself this time. And this was what she needed to do, so she convinced herself.

Besides, having Harvey resent her and be mad at her for it was better than him being devastated over it. She feared that saying goodbye to his face and him having to see her physically walk away again would trigger his panic attacks like it did when she left to go work for Louis. That is the last thing on earth she would want. Also, she wasn't even sure he deserved a goodbye after their last conversation. _This is how it has to be_ , she told herself over and over.

Donna had taken the time out of her lunch that day to drop the painting off at Harvey's, knowing he wouldn't be home until that evening at least. She didn't even open the packaging, she wanted Harvey to be the first one to see his mother's work. Leaving the painting there, she did not expect it to trigger him to come find her. But then again, she couldn't have foreseen their last confrontation that he wanted to apologise for either.

…

Harvey jumped out of Ray's Lexus and sensing that he and Donna were in for a long conversation, he kindly told his trusty driver to go home for the night.

He anxiously tapped the elevator buttons, bringing him to the 50th floor. As the doors flew open he saw Gretchen making her way home, "Donna still here?"

"I'm not sure." she lied, he didn't notice the guilty expression on her face as he began to walk away, "Have you been to your office?" she called out.

"Just heading that way now." he smiled back, warily.

"Oh." she shuffled on the spot before getting into the elevator, "Well, good night Mr. Specter."

"Good night, Gretchen." He couldn't help but feel as though she was sending him a pitiful stare. He shrugged it off for the moment and continued to Donna's office.

She wasn't there. Her bag was gone so he figured she had made her way home for the night and decided to go there next. Something made him stop on his way out though. He looked back, something was off. Her office seemed emptier, less warm, with a few knickknacks here and there seemingly missing. He wouldn't have over analysed it, but Gretchen's question from just minutes earlier was playing on his mind then.

With a sinking gut, he made his way to his own office. Nothing was different, and Donna certainly wasn't there so he didn't see why she would have asked him had he been there. Until he _did_ see it, sitting there on his desk, so neatly, straight away telling him she had placed it there.

He cocked his head and lowered his bottom lip, taking in the large breath he would require to haul himself over to his desk.

He snatched up the envelope and took one look at the aesthetic handwriting which was more than enough to confirm who wrote it. Carefully yet speedily ripping open the white paper, he pulled out the cream sheet inside, her elegant writing consuming the page.

* * *

 _Harvey,_

 _This isn't my official resignation letter, I didn't want to just leave that on your desk. It is however, the letter explaining my resignation. A letter to my friend, not my boss._

 _The last few months have only confirmed what I always knew. That I love you too much. And because of that fact, I've put you first in every aspect of my life, even at times where I knew I shouldn't. Please don't think that I'm leaving because I don't care, when only the opposite is true. I cannot stay at the firm and watch us either grow further apart or fall back as just friends. Not when I want to be so much more, with you. I didn't always know that but I know it now. I don't blame you, for not loving me enough to tell me, it is what it is. But I can't promise that if I stick around I won't begin to resent you for it, which is the last thing I would want._

 _I'm sorry I had to write it down, I don't think that I could summon the words to your face even if I tried, which I did this morning. How do you say goodbye to someone you've said hello to almost everyday for the last thirteen years?_

 _I wholeheartedly hope that you find happiness, that's all I've ever wanted for you really. I've realised now that that won't be with me._

 _I will always love you, Harvey._

 _Donna._

* * *

Harvey forgot how to move, how to think, how to breath.

Signs of a panic attack set in as his chest constricted and his vision blurred. He was about ten seconds away from hunching over and vomiting when he came back to himself. Forcing himself to fight it off, so he could find her, and tell her. Everything.

He held onto the desk to ground him, feeling the cold marble flush against his hot veins. He looked around at various objects in the room trying to bring himself back to the present. Next he smelled his aftershave as he inhaled. All small actions, helping him gain control of his senses once again. He eventually won the battle and straightened up, letter still in hand although slightly crinkled from his recently clenched fist.

As soon as he was fit to leave he dashed out the door, still slightly dizzy. He burst through the reception and forcefully pressed the elevator buttons.

The doors opened and out dashed a frantic Mike, almost colliding with Harvey as he jumped out, "Thank God," he sighed looking up to the ceiling, expressing relief at finding his friend, "Harvey I just spoke to Rachel, Donna's le-"

"Leaving. I know." he said deeply, adamantly pushing his way passed Mike, holding up the letter for him as he got into the elevator, pressing for the lobby.

Mike faced him and nodded, "Tell her how-" He was cut off.

"Appreciate it Mike, but I don't need Robin telling me what to do anymore. Or anyone for that matter. I'm gonna do it." He lowered his chin and sent Mike a serious nod as the doors closed between them.

"About fucking time, Batman." Mike whispered to himself.

On the way down Harvey wondered when she had left the letter. _Did I just miss her? Where is she going? Am I too late?_

The doors gushed open and he jumped out into the bright, florescent lobby, still holding onto the piece of paper as if it was a piece of her. The only one he had left.

He desperately searched around for her, feeling stupid, knowing she was probably well gone by then. Giving one last glance around the street once he got outside, he hailed down a cab feeling as though time wasn't on his side. He rattled off her address to the driver as if his life depended on it.

The words he needed to say all forming at once in his brain now that he knew it was literally now or never. He was only sure of one thing; that he was going to say it all, each and every last syllable.

How she would respond? He had no idea.

…

An oblivious Donna was in her living room, organising the packed boxes into a neat heap before she was headed for bed. She paused for a moment, anxiously tapping the cardboard container as she looked around. The room seemed much larger without all of her personal items littered around the place. She bit her lip and slid her tongue across her teeth as she found herself getting lost in thought. _Am I making the right decision?_

Before she could even answer her own question, she heard a knock on her door. _His knock._

Her heart would have jumped right out of her chest had it been physically able to. The knocks were louder, more startling than usual, but still in the same pattern. She figured he wound up back at the firm and found her letter that night, instead of in the morning when she would be well gone, like she had hoped when she left it there.

As she debated ignoring him, knowing she would never really be able to, his deep muffled voice interrupted her thoughts.

" _Donna?!_ Donna are you in there?" he shouted, voice cracking.

Her eyes and mouth began to shake in sync with one another.

" _Donna_ _please!_ Please open up I need to know if you're still here." She had never heard him like this before, an added vulnerability and devastation to his voice that was unfamiliar coming from him, even to her.

"Please.." he whispered, his arm and forehead resting against the door, afraid he might never see it open again.

Until the latch on the other side erupted into a clutter of noise. He stood back and took in a breath before the door swung open and his eyes met hers. _Thank God._

His face still full of hurt, began smiling at the mere sight of her. The relief that she was still there. Until the door widened and he saw a large black suitcase sitting behind her, accompanied by empty red walls and white shelves as far back as he could see.

She wrapped her long silk robe tighter around her waist, covering her matching light pink nightgown, feeling too exposed. Both figuratively and literally. She waited for him to say something, anything.

He wanted to kiss her, to show her, but that wouldn't convince her, especially after the last time he did it. He needed to speak now. Time to use his words.

"You were just gonna leave?" He sounded so disappointed and betrayed it almost broke her.

Until she realised the irony of his insinuation. Donna let out a bitter chuckle then, "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"You know I didn't mean that. I was just mad. I was hurting."

"And I wasn't?" She remained as composed and steady as possible, before interrupting the silence as he stared back at her knowingly, "It's for the best Harvey."

"You owe me two weeks notice at least." He tried his hardest to make it sound light-hearted but if he was being truthful, he kind of meant it, it was his only argument for why she didn't have the right to leave, she certainly had the right on all other grounds.

She rolled her eyes dryly, still holding onto the door with her right hand, "It always comes down to business with you, doesn't it?"

"Screw business! This is personal. You tried to leave without so much as a goodbye, _to my face._ Screw your damn letter too!" He removed it from his inner coat pocket and held it up as the proof to his accusation.

Seeing how much it had hurt him, she decided to explain herself, swallowing back the lump in her throat, "Harvey. I know I said I'd never leave you and I meant it. I always did. Every time. But there comes a time where I have to actually put myself first instead of just telling myself that I'm going to. And that time is now. I can't get over you if I'm still with you every day. A clean start will be good for me. For us." She was proud of herself for remaining calm, voice still steady.

"For us?" he parroted.

"Yes. Us."

"How so?" he asked, shoving the letter back inside his coat pocket.

"We destroyed over a decade of amazing friendship because we couldn't open our god damn mouths at the right time, Harvey!" she tried not to sound too bitter as her voice rose a couple of octaves, "I can't wait around for someone who can't even tell me how he feels!"

Harvey inhaled, his chest rising as his lungs filled up with the oxygen he would need to last him his next declaration. He stepped towards her, closing the gap to only a foot between them then.

"I look at you Donna, and I see a home in the suburbs, I see a wife, I see the mother of my children ..I even see a god damn dog in the back garden!" he smirked at a latter part before returning to a somber gaze.

"What?" she whispered almost inaudibly, heart thumping so much so that she felt it inside her head, pounding at her eardrum.

"You asked me how I love you? Twice now. That's how I love you, Donna."

He inched a bit closer, "And it terrifies me. Well it used to, until I fixed most of my issues and now I don't see you as someone who could hurt me the way my mother did.. I see you as the only one who wouldn't. I see you as part of me, I always have."

She was at a loss for words, and breath, her chest rising and falling slowly, her mouth agape showing her bottom teeth as her doe-eyes analysed him, word for word, movement by movement.

"I've looked at you, everyday, for the last thirteen years and that is what I see, every time. And for a guy like me, that was petrifying, so I ran from it, every damn time. But not anymore, Donna. I'm not afraid to love you anymore. Right now the only thing that scares me, is the reality of you leaving me." He paused for a breath, "Which you have every right to do because all I've done is push you away."

She felt her own breath catch before she mustered up the strength to speak, "Harvey.. You're only telling me all of this now because it's what you think I want to hear, to make me stay. Or maybe it's what you think you feel in the moment because you're scared to find out what life would be like without me. I'm scared too. But what happens tomorrow morning? Or a week from now? When you wake up realising you made a mistake and misread your feelings." Donna was testing him somewhat, to see how much of a fight he would put up, and if he would run away again, but she was also making very valid points for herself.

"Donna." he said deeply, making sure he had all of her attention, "You have _never_ been wrong about my feelings before. Until right the hell now. Please don't tell me that I don't feel this way when it's practically all I've been feeling since the day I met you. I just didn't know the full extent of it until you kissed me."

She had no instruction manual on what to say back to an emotionally available Harvey Specter. She just stood there speechless once more.

He smiled, seeing he was breaking down some of the walls she had learned to build because of him, "You're the most exciting, vibrant, intelligent, beautiful woman, _person_ , I've ever known. And the thought of not seeing you every god damn day for the rest of my life makes me sick. Physically and mentally sick. I never said it before, I know, but please don't think for a second that that doesn't make it the truth."

He was on a roll, the words forming easily, "If you don't wanna stay at the firm then don't. I think we could still work if you _did_ , but it'd be fine if you didn't too. Just please ..don't leave the City." he pleaded gently, looking to her suitcase, before sending her a sweet smile, "I'd only have to follow you anyway."

Seeing that she was still unsure he kept talking, feeling lighter with each sentence that slipped off his tongue, "And as for me possibly regretting us? I know I never would because I didn't _the other time.._ I've never regretted anything to do with you Donna. Except pushing you away."

"Harvey.." She crossed her arms under her chest, as if protecting herself.

"Think back to the night you kissed me. What did you feel? When you just followed your heart and went with your gut? Were you relieved? Happy? In love?"

He searched her eyes for any signs of agreement. He noticed how dilated they were. He still had one more thing to get off his chest.

Harvey chanced putting his right hand around her upper neck then, caressing her cheek with his thumb, "I am in love with you, Donna _Roberta_ Paulsen." he stated proudly with a playful smirk contradicting his serious eyes, whilst softly tightening his fingers around the nape of her neck.

She forced her eyes shut at the touch of his hand on her skin. Also to prevent tears after what he had just admitted.

"And I know you wanted me to say it because I wanted to.. and not because I had to. But right now, I'm telling you because I want to _and_ because I have to. However, I promise to tell you from now on purely because I _need_ to."

He had won her next argument before it had even left her lips. That was really the only thing left she had to battle against him with; his timing.

Harvey let out a hefty sigh, one that was about thirteen years old, elated that it was all finally out there. Telling her turned out to be more natural than he ever imagined, "Now maybe don't slam the door in my face this time?" he begged humorously.

She released a sharp breath, tempted to laugh. Her brow quirked and the left side of her mouth cracked into a smile with it, "You didn't say those words last time."

"I tried to show you though."

"I think the whiskey tried to show me Harvey.." she mused, placing her right hand under his rib cage, causing his muscles there to tense upon the contact.

"Has it even registered with you what I just told you yet, Donna?" he grinned, pushing his face even closer to hers, brushing the tip of his nose with her own as he looked down at her, their foreheads meeting next.

"Nope." she admitted, lightly shaking her head.

He brushed the auburn locks off her right shoulder with his left hand, "Can I kiss you now?"

"That depends." She made sure to sound serious.

"On what?" He was somewhat perplexed, thinking he had won her over.

"What type of dog is it?" Donna looked up at him, biting her bottom lip as she frowned, gently mocking him.

He subconsciously mirrored her and bit his bottom lip too before shaking his head as he stared into her earthy brown eyes with a devilish yet loving grin. He rose his left hand to the other side of her neck, leaving it lower than the right, just as he did the last time he kissed her. Angling his head to the left he decided not to answer her question. He silenced her with a kiss instead.

Their lips met for the third time in less than three weeks, yet this time was the first to have no underlying doubts, no walking away afterwards, no alcohol, no slamming doors. Just raw truth and emotion. Where both sides were finally clear on what the other wanted.

She deepened the kiss with a passionate desire to feel him on her after he had finally confessed what she needed to hear. Low groans accompanied the release of sighs that came from them both as things heated up, quickly.

"Third time lucky." he hummed into her mouth as he widened his own, their tongues crossing paths then.

"Fourth time".."if you count"…" _the other time_." she mumbled back, momentarily breaking their fiery kiss between words.

She opened her eyes after feeling him pull away slightly, even if only to move his right hand to her waist, to tighten his grip on her.

"What do you say we head inside and pick up where _the other time_ left off?" he smirked smugly, his brows were raised forging deep lines in his forehead and his tongue was teasing the roof of his mouth as he eagerly awaited the answer to his brazen suggestion.

Donna pretended to think about it, "Only if it's just me and you this time." she smiled back.

"Oh trust me Donna.. as good an addition as the whipped cream was the last time, I have no intention of sharing you, _this time_."

"Well you better get inside then, and make missing my flight tomorrow worth while!"

"We could still catch it?" She looked confused then before he continued, "You know, be in the mile-high club together?"

She rolled her eyes at his dirty joke and pulled him inside. He kicked the door closed with his left foot, clinging to her waist with both hands, "No more talking, Harvey." The irony of the demand not falling short on either one of them.

He followed her orders and offered her a deep, passionate kiss instead. Their witty dialogue muted by the intensity of his lips on hers, lightly teasing them with his teeth then, before they trailed down her neck hitting her weak spot just at her collar bone. She bent her head backwards slightly where it met the wall behind her. Opening her mouth on reflex she placed both hands on either side of his head, fingers combing through his short, light brown strands. She pulled him back up to her face then, her eyes steamy and mouth heated before she pulled him in for another burning kiss.

Without breaking apart, he slid his hands up her waist, briefly landing them on her forearms only to slip them under her robe to help push it off. It dropped to the floor leaving her in her light-pink silk nightgown. She was even more irresistible to him then. He gave her a seductive smirk before wriggling out of his coat followed by his suit jacket, not caring where he tossed them. She was relieved he hadn't worn a 3-piece then, one less object in the way. She smoothed both hands up either side of his shirt and began speedily loosening his tie. She couldn't help but think of all the times she had fixed it up for him over the years, never getting to be the one to rip it off. It was oddly satisfying disassembling it. When the knot was loose she used the tie to pull him closer, sliding it out from under his collar once he was kissing her again.

Breaking the kiss only with laughter and smiles, she directed her fingers and thumbs toward his buttons, tempted to rip the shirt open but refraining from doing so. He groaned into her lightly bruising lips as her nails skimmed their way down his exposing chest, button by button. In return he began kissing her jaw line, then her neck, lowering his hand to the back of her smooth thigh, running it up inside the silk until his hand was holding the lower part of her ass, causing her to chuckle, before he squeezed harder, releasing a moan from her. She eventually got the last button open and ran her arms up his bare torso and over his firm chest before stopping them on his broad shoulders. Just feeling his skin was almost enough to send her over the edge. Sliding her hands down his arms then she helped rip him from his crisp white shirt, throwing it down the hallway soon after.

They followed it moments later, dragging each other toward the bedroom, still unable to refrain from kissing one another the entire way. He had not forgotten what direction her room was in and enthusiastically picked her up to walk them there. Both his hands under her thighs, both of her legs and arms wrapped around him.

"Careful you don't put your back out." she muttered into his lips.

"Oh I don't think it'll be _this_ that puts my back out tonight." he smirked back against the corner of her mouth, giving in to her age joke this one time, until the next time.

He pushed open her door which was thankfully left ajar, to an almost empty room. He couldn't help but look around, it saddened him.

"Hey." she said, demanding his attention back to her before smirking, "It's okay, the bed is still made.."

Harvey licked his lips before biting his bottom one. His eyes were steaming with lust again as he walked them over to her bed. Her hands caressing his face the entire way.

He gently propped her down on top of the blankets, following on top of her immediately. They embraced in more passionate kissing and foreplay before he pushed himself back up, only to undress fully, as he kicked off his shoes and socks. She rose back up with him then, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking up at him as she stepped in to unbutton his trousers. He was never more turned on in his life before right then. She made her way to the zipper next before slowly pulling his pants down so he could step out of them. Hooking her dreamy eyes onto his yet again, she stood up and raised her arms in the air with a teasing smile. He gripped the hem of her thin dress and pulled it all the way over her head and arms, freeing her entirely. He furrowed his brows, staring at her with surprise.

"What? I don't wear underwear to bed." she defended.

"Hey, I'm not complaining." he wrapped his arms around her entirely naked body and pulled her towards him, their raw flesh colliding, sending sensations in the thousands throughout their nerves.

"You're not done yet, mister." she complained, nodding downwards, indicating his briefs.

He wore a faux frown in response, "Jeesh, someone's eager.. Way to make a guy feel cheap."

She let out a chuckle, shaking her head and raising her brow.

He took a moment to take her in then, "I just realised that I can tell you how beautiful you are now." His warm words rolled off his tongue affectionately like sweet, hot honey.

Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to recover with a casualness, but he could feel her heartbeat quickening against his chest, "You could have told me that before."

"I know.." he admitted, "I think I did though.." he defended then, "just with my eyes."

Donna realised then why she never truly cared for compliments off of other men. Her self esteem was always mountain-high, she didn't need them to whisper sweet nothings in her ear and tell her how smart or pretty she was, she already knew all that. But with him, it was entirely different. She still didn't _need_ him to say those things, but now that he was, she felt like she could sit there and listen to it all day, blushing like a lovesick teenager.

"You're beautiful too." she teased, yet hugging him tighter to show she actually meant it.

He let out an elated sigh, eyes flickering to her shoulder as he brushed the hair back behind it. He lowered his lips to her collar bone, making kisses all the way up to her mouth. Trailing his right hand up her spine then under her arm so he could bring it forward to grasp her neck as he did so.

Neither of them could wait any longer then as they quickly became an entanglement of looks, limbs and lips. Both finding their way back onto the bed together after her fingers had found their way to the elastic waist of his boxers, stripping it from his body at long last.

He lay on top of her again, more of a seriousness to it this time as they held eye contact. It was suddenly so real, but they were both ready. He began sending heavy, wet kisses down her neck, breasts and torso until he reached the final spot. He wrapped his left arm under her right thigh for stability, leaving his right hand free to caress her other leg. She rose her chin on reflex and pushed her head back into the pillow, her fingers and toes digging into the mattress through all the linen. After a few more minutes of driving her crazy, he looked up with a smirk, crawling his way back towards her, kissing her freckles as he traveled up her body.

Unable to ignore his burgeoning erection any longer, he planted a deep kiss on her lips which she returned lovingly before they both gave each other a knowing gaze.

Her hands clasped around his neck as he entered her, thrusting slowly at first, between their steamy kisses and her polished nails scratching his firm, sallow skin. Steadily quickening the pace as fond, youthful memories of a time once shared returned. Their naked bodies all too naturally reacquainting themselves with one another over the course of the next few hours.

…

Harvey woke in the middle of the night. A hazy blue light outside the window indicating that it was about 5 in the morning, they had only fallen asleep at 2 a.m, with their bodies aching in all the right places.

He turned his head to the right, his outstretched arm covered in flames of fiery strands, which were noticeably more tangled than when they first entered the room earlier that night. She lay neatly between his arm and chest, her cheek and nose resting on his skin, her right arm draped across his abdomen as she slept. He pulled his forearm back towards them to wrap it around her back, pulling her closer to him. She didn't awaken, he was slightly disappointed at that but he let her sleep anyway.

There was a strange familiarity about it all that he couldn't quite place yet. It wasn't the other time, as he hadn't stayed over then, as much as he had wanted to. No, this felt like deja vu somehow.

As her feet stirred under the cool sheets and her warm legs wrapped around his he remembered. It was the exact same as all the times before.

 _Only this time it wasn't a dream._

.

.

.

* * *

 **So he finally manned the hell up! Can't believe I'm actually finished this story now, I've grown quite attached to it :')**  
 **Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews and the follows, favourites etc!  
** **For the 'Guests' I couldn't personally reply to; _I see yous, thank you!_**

 **Gonna enjoy reading everyone else's stories for a bit now..  
** **But definitely gonna write an epilogue for this when I can so stay tuned!**

 **graystephen93 on twitter for updates :) XXX**


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay, this probably turned out way too long to even be an epilogue, so I split it into multiple chapters lol.**

 **So here they are; five very fluffy Darvey instalments taking place during the six years since the end of my last chapter.  
** **I've been working on it whenever I could over the last few weeks and these are the scenes that popped into my head whenever I sat down to write! Hope you enjoy!**

 **And once again, thanks so much to everyone who followed this story over the weeks, happy I could help fill the Darvey-less months for yous during the hiatus! x**

* * *

 _(Part I)_ ** _  
_**

 _A Couple_

* * *

Donna began to stir from her dreams early that Sunday morning. The once vivid images of him in a Batman costume, head to toe in tight fitting leather, soon fading as her eyelids fluttered open against the relentless morning light seeping in through her cream flowing curtains.

She was getting used to lazily rolling over and finding him next to her each morning as the last few months flew by without so much as a hiccup. However, this time her outstretched arm was only met by cold sheets on what was by then his side of the bed, whenever he stayed over. Pupils still adjusting to the new day, she frowned lightly and somewhat groggily, pushing her head up to scan her eagle eyes around the room. No Harvey.

The silence was soon invaded by a clatter of metal dishes in the kitchen accompanied by a loudly whispered "Shittt!"  
She inwardly chuckled at the sound of her partner's distress. With a quirk in her brow and a lift in her smile, she hauled herself out of bed, throwing on his monogrammed dress shirt that had been impatiently ripped off of him and carelessly discarded onto the floor the previous night, by her nonetheless. Buttoning it up her long, petite frame she tiptoed out into the kitchen with a devilish glint in her eye, one reserved for him and their mischief only. She remained standing in the doorway for the briefest of moments to take in the fact that Harvey Specter was in her kitchen on a Sunday morning whipping them up breakfast. And that this was her new norm. Something that would have panicked her had it been any other man, but only swelled her heart, because it was _him_.

Her eyes locked on his broad, muscly back. His chin was faced downward, biting his tongue as he held the pan, observably watching the pancake mix slowly cooking over the hob. The hissing and sizzling of the creamy liquid conveniently masking the light noise of her bare feet stealthily padding toward him.

Closing in on her target, Donna outstretched her arms, quickly sliding her hands under his dark grey t-shirt, and over the flesh of his chest. He was taken aback initially but soon donned the biggest shit-eating grin he was sure anyone had ever sported. As she settled her cheek into his back, head resting between his shoulder blades, she gave him a light peck where her lips landed right on his spine.

"Good thing you've warm hands." he smirked, his right hand still holding the pan while his left tentatively rested on hers through the dark cotton.

"Good thing you've a _hot bod_ _y_." she whispered humorously in a low tone, as he felt both her right hand slide down his abdomen, and her eyebrow quirk upwards against his back. His favourite action of hers. Especially now that the raised brow could be used to mean so much more than the friendly teasing and 'platonic' flirtatious banter it was once accompanied with.

He let go of the handle then and turned to face her, eager to actually lock eyes on her. She lightened her grip so he could twist around in her arms, before clasping her hands over his back again once he was facing her. He cupped her ivory cheeks in his sallow toned palms, his thumbs brushing lightly under her dilated eyes whilst his fingers spread out over her ears and into her silky locks, before kissing her lovingly. As if he had been doing it every morning for the last thirteen years.

"That was nice." Donna hummed against his lips once they parted slightly.

"It always is." he stated in a confident low murmur as his hands ran down her hair and neck, then over her arms which were still wrapped around him, and onto her waist, his thumbs planted on either side of her pelvis, slowly massaging her there. Her weak spots. Well, two of them at least.

She gave him a light kiss before angling her head to her left to observe the culinary efforts behind him, "Pancakes, again?" she teased lightly, looking back up into dark chocolate eyes.

He furrowed his brows in mock offense and flew his head back an inch or two, "Hey, you love my pancakes?"

"And I also love Chunky Monkey, doesn't mean I have it every day for dessert."

"Bet you wish you could though?" he quipped back in a deeper tone.

"Of course." she retorted.

Donna reluctantly let go of him to investigate the pancakes, perfectly flipping the one that was currently baking, with Harvey immediately in tow behind her. When she was done she placed it on the plate with the rest and switched off the cooker.

"Anything you can't do?" Harvey stepped in right behind her then, taking his right hand to pull back the hair cascading over her left shoulder, then wrapping both his hands around her torso, smoothing out his stolen shirt whilst nuzzling his chin into the crook of her newly exposed neck and kissing it warmly.

"I'm offended you even have to ask that!" She turned her head up at him slightly to send a half-assed disapproving glare his way.

"Sorry I'll make it up to you, right now.." His firm hand began slowly trailing down her left leg. He slid his fingers under the rim of his/her shirt, the smooth fabric allowing his hand to easily slide up her thigh, slowly passing her groin causing her to tense up immediately as she let out an almost inaudible moan. He continued all the way up her abdomen until he landed on her left breast, inwardly thrilled that she wasn't wearing a bra, "My turn." he stated deeply yet gleefully, referring to her recent trails up his own t-shirt, as he slowly, firmly and gently massaged her there, his thumb gliding up and down against her hardening nipple.

Her eyes closed on reflex and she bowed her head back slightly into the crook of his neck just at his right shoulder. She threw her left arm back to hold onto him, "Har-vey ..we have to go ..soon." she murmured lazily.

"Plenty of time," he whispered against her ear, lightly nibbling at her lobe before he began kissing her jawline, "why do you think I started on breakfast so early?"

"Yes, what about breakfast?" She didn't really care about the pancakes, she always enjoyed teasing him, making him wait, but only until she herself couldn't hold out any longer.

"It can wait." His hand moved onto her right breast then, his thumb cheekily rubbing over her other nipple, "I have a craving for something else now." He couldn't stop kissing her neck, hypnotized by each freckle, " _Someon_ _e_ else." he corrected in a low murmur, one designed to persuade her to ditch the food, for him.

"I suppose they can.." She turned in his arms then as he removed his hand from under her dress shirt, placing her own around his waist, her fingers slowly dancing on his back as if playing piano up and down his spine.

He pulled her tight against him, intentionally allowing her to feel his hardening desire, for her, "We might have to put that whipped cream you just bought to another use.." he smirked, licking his bottom lip as he looked down at plump rosy ones.

She moved in even closer then, her warm lips hovering beside his ear. She had to stand on her tip-toes ever so slightly to reach him there. He loved that. He didn't often get to see her without heels on before they were a couple. His heart almost burst every time she was forced to use her toes for added height against him.

"Oh.. I didn't buy that for our food, Harvey." Donna stood back down flat on her heels then, looking up at him with smirking, pursed lips and that extended left brow. She casually strut her way towards the refrigerator, opening the door and bending over to scan the shelves. _Bingo._ She returned with her food item and held it up mid-air to taunt him as she bit her bottom lip and lowered her gaze toward him.

He cocked his head with a boyish grin, never ceasing to be impressed by the woman before him. Without further delay he snatched the whipped cream and scooped her up, abruptly yet gently throwing her over his shoulder as he headed for the bedroom. She dangled over him, her hands flat on his lower back for support as her hair fell over each side of her face. She physically couldn't stop laughing and giggling before he let her down, only to lay her on the bed. He followed on top of her then, fixing her molten locks with his fingers as he gazed into her darkened, awaiting eyes. Their laughter soon silenced by solemn smiles of complete adoration for one another.

After a moment, she opened her mouth to return to banter and humour, "You better be quick mister, I've to be at Rachel's in an hour and so help me God if you make the Maid of Honor late for the Bride's big makeover, on her even bigger day!"

He laughed then before leaning in to kiss her fervidly. She immediately returned it, both taking turns to passionately bruise one another's lips with their teeth, opening their mouths even further as their tongues met.

"But not.. too.. quick." she mumbled between kisses, not wanting to break their embrace fully.

He blindly reached for the whipped cream he had tossed on the bed moments beforehand. They both grinned. The act always taking them back to their first time. Which is what they called it now. ' _The other time'_ didn't have quite the same ring to it now that there were literally dozens of _other times_.

He smiled down at her, biting his bottom lip as his pupils doubled in size, "Open your mouth, Donna."

She grabbed the can from his hands with a seductive glare and a faux frown, before strategically maneuvring her legs around his, planting her hands on his biceps as she flipped him over, so that she was the one looking down on him then, holding up the cold can with a satisfied smirk, "You first."

…

The pair eventually made it out of bed before showering together. Harvey had suddenly become very interested in saving the planet and playfully argued that this would help conserve energy. Not that he even needed an argument, she wanted to share it just as much as he did.

They later devoured some cold pancakes and berries and dashed out the door of apartment 206. Harvey insisted on driving Donna to Rachel's before scurrying to meet Mike back at his own penthouse. He had given his friend his key at work the previous day, knowing he would be staying at Donna's, who had her own key to his place should he need it.

Both women raced around the bride and groom's apartment; carefully styling their hair, elegantly painting their faces and finally fitting into their dresses. The place looked like a bomb had went off inside it once they were finished. A minefield of curling irons, blow dryers, towels, makeup, clothes and champagne glasses.

Meanwhile at Harvey's, the two men sat calmly opposite one another on the leather couches, dressed in the finest tuxedos the best tailors in New York City had to offer, sipping scotch and mocking one another. Mike harmlessly sneering at Harvey over his new found domesticity and Harvey jeering Mike for having always been whipped in the first place.

…

The young couple had opted for a moderately sized wedding. The church wasn't overly large, yet it was breathtaking nonetheless. The same one they had chosen for their first wedding attempt. It was packed only with closest family members, including the PSL family of course. Louis, Sheila, Jessica, Jeff, Alex, Gretchen, Katrina, Benjamin and Oliver, shared the front rows on the right side of the aisle, with Rachel's mother and extended family on the left. Father Walker stood at the top of the church in the middle of the alter, Mike by his left side eagerly awaiting the entrance of his wife-to-be, Harvey stood a step down from his groom just as eagerly awaiting the entrance of his _someday_ wife-to-be.

Harvey's attention drifted down to his overly expensive leather shoes as the wait continued. He smirked inwardly, thinking of the events that would have been unfolding in 407 earlier as the pair scrambled to prepare for the biggest day of Rachel's life thus far. Donna refused to show him the dress they had chosen for her so he assumed it was going to be something that would drive him crazy. He already couldn't wait to rip it off of her at the end of the night.

Moments later, the faint, chattering whispers and echoing coughs were replaced by the orchestral chimes of a piano as the doors were opened by one smiling young alter boy. As the music set in, Harvey could see her darkened silhouette stepping inside, making her way through the varnished oak doors. He was unexpectedly robbed of his breath as she came into full focus. All the way at the back of the church and still effortlessly radiating her beauty out in every direction. His eyes turned as dark as her dress as she neared the alter, a bouquet of white lilies in hand.

She looked at him about half way up the aisle and almost wished she hadn't. That huge beaming grin of his forcing a hot flush of pink to surface under her cheeks. As she made it to the top, she sent him a loving glance before taking her position opposite him at Rachel's side of the alter.

Mike was enjoying observing the doting pair until all of his attention was demanded by the next entrance. Rachel, in the stunning Versailles gown she had opted for the first time she was to marry him. She had fallen so in love with it that she couldn't imagine getting married in a different dress. Mike however, could not have cared less what she was wearing then, he was nearly drooling up there at just the mere sight of her alone.

As a grinning Robert gave her away with a loving kiss on the cheek, Harvey couldn't help but wonder if Jim would be as pleased to give Donna away to him at their own wedding some day. They hadn't had the smoothest of relationships, but he was confident that the man would see that their differences were only ever over how they thought the most important woman in both of their lives ought to be treated.

Donna and Harvey hadn't even discussed anything to do with weddings yet but it didn't ever stop him from thinking about it. Right now, they were just working out their new relationship and finding their feet in work as they learned what it was like to both break her rule, _an_ _d_ stay at the firm together. So far, the only hard part was having to keep it professional at all times. Other than a few slip ups here and there, usually Harvey kissing her in the offices late at night when they were alone, they were adjusting quite naturally. She would scold and tut at him when he tried to take it too far, but she never denied his cheeky advances when they were all alone on the 50th floor. She loved it just as much as he did.

While the priest began his religious relationship rantings, Harvey zoned out yet again. Well, he zoned out of the ceremony at least. His eyes quickly found her legs, one of them anyway. His desire grew tenfold as his vision trailed up the long slit of her black gown, her smooth, light peach limb exposed just the right amount. Any more flesh and he would have ran across the alter and pulled her into the confessional box with him right then and there.

He forced his gaze up to her face then, but that didn't help. He only wanted her more after her lovesick smirk mirrored his own. Her lava locks styled in loose, volumised, shiny waves falling effortlessly over her right shoulder.

She shook her head lightly as she caught his steaming eyes and lowered her own gaze toward the floor so she wouldn't laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of them. Her heart was beating too fast then so she decided to refocus her attention towards the nuptials, inwardly scolding herself for getting distracted from her bestfriend's big moment.

As the vows were said, some tears were shed and the couple were wed, Donna chanced looking back at Harvey. He stood there as confident as ever, chest high and puffed, hair perfectly gelled, face sculpted by the Gods. He sensed her gaze and matched it. She squinted her eyes as she saw him mouth something to her just after the bride and groom had kissed and begun making their way out of church amid an eruption of cheering and clapping and petal throwing. She raised two fingers to her right ear and popped her eyes before mouthing, "I can't hear you", back.

It was their turn to follow the newlyweds out of the church then, and as they met in the middle of the aisle he extended his elbow in her direction, in a very gentlemanly fashion. She wrapped her left arm around his right and they began making their way out. She forgot all about what he was trying to whisper to her as the crowd followed behind them and she joyously watched the happy couple in front of her.

"You scrub up well." he stated in a seductive yet playful manner whilst side-eyeing her.

"You don't look too bad yourself, mister." she responded, squeezing his arm a bit tighter.

He looked at her then, lightly licking his bottom lip as they continued down the aisle, "It's different from your morning whipped cream look.." he whispered, causing her to glare up at him, "but I love it even more."

Donna rolled her eyes, yet couldn't help but hide her burgeoning grin as she felt herself blushing once again.

As the small crowd of less than thirty gathered outside, the bride was eager to carry out her next task. Utterly beaming with joy, Mike by her side, she turned her back to the crowd after scanning it to locate a certain redhead. Donna saw her friend's back angling towards her from some twelve feet away and she knew exactly what Rachel was doing. But she laughed to herself anyway, she was game.

The bouquet was soon mid-air, inevitably descending towards Donna as she extended her arms and caught the falling missile. She looked up at Rachel briefly, who wasn't even trying to hide her excitement as her least subtle plan ever had worked. The crowd lightly clapped and cheered and chuckled. Donna felt a firm hand on her waist then, sending comfort and desire coursing through her nerves all at once, followed by a looming presence behind her as he lowered his mouth to her ear, his breath warming her bare neck in January's slight winter chill.

"That's fitting." His voice was deep and heated as his eyes landed on the bouquet in her hands from over her left shoulder, after he had scanned each of the sun-kissed freckles that lay scattered over it.

She turned her head to her left to angle it towards him then, meeting his soulful umber eyes with her earthy mint-brown ones, "How so?" She tried her best to sound casual as she smirked back at him.

"Well I did just mouth " _we're next"_ to you in the church back then.."

Before she could even think, his lips were on hers in a warm embrace that felt different than any of the others that had came before it. And there were a lot that came before it. They really weren't joking about making up for lost time. But no, this kiss, although physically like a lot of the others, it had an added meaning that gave her heart sudden amnesia as it forgot how to beat for a second, or two.

As they broke apart, Rachel called them over for a PSL group photo outside the church before they were to all head for the wedding reception.

Harvey groaned behind Donna and she lightly smacked his shoulder, "Don't be such an old man. Come on! You'll love to look back on them one day." She decided to shrug off what he had just told her as him teasing her, completely unaware, or in denial, of how serious he was.

He rolled his eyes, contradicting his nodding smirk and took her hand as they made their way in front of the cameras to join the other four. He stood firmly beside Mike, who was holding Rachel's frame, who had Jessica and Louis on her right. Harvey's right hand lay on his friends shoulder as his left found Donna's waist. He leaned over to whisper in her ear just before the photo was taken, "Don't worry, I'll enjoy the photos at _ou_ _r_ wedding."

As her face shot up towards him, she watched him pose for the photo, murmuring "Smile Donna!" under his own grin. She was too late however, as the first shutter sound went off, forever capturing her shocked reaction to his blunt, yet subtle, somewhat-proposal.

…

A few short hours later and the party was well underway back at The Plaza. Donna had managed to book the popular venue once again in short notice. However, this time she didn't have to adopt a French accent and pretend to be the new wedding organiser to an unsuspecting engaged couple in order to snatch their booking. No, this time around she got to practice her best _Italia_ _n_ accent.

There was a larger crowd invited to the after party, making it pretty lively. Most of the guests were on their third and fourth drinks and there was a fun, relaxed atmosphere about the grand venue. The hall was dimly lit by lavish chandeliers, allowing just the right amount of light so that a warm, candle-like glow was set. The tables were decorated in mostly white, with fresh centre lilies, crystal ornaments and the finest silver.

Harvey and Donna were seated at the bride and groom's table, watching as Mike gave his speech, hardly ever taking his eyes off of Rachel. The crowd broke into an applause of congratulations for the young couple as he sat back down, wrapping his arm around his wife's shoulder.

Donna leaned over to nudge Harvey with her elbow then. He replied with a confused glare before realising what she was reminding him of. He shot out of his chair to stand up straight, slightly nervous but only Donna could tell. She could easily see past the puffed out chest, hardened jaw and casual expression that fooled everyone else. She saw how his index finger smoothed up and down his thumb and how his eyes scanned the room slightly lacking in that uber-confidence they usually would possess back at the firm. He didn't like the idea of giving planned speeches, especially at events such as this and she knew it.

He took a gulp of champagne and tapped his glass with his silverwear to demand all the eyes in the room as he stood up swallowing a large breath, "I won't keep you long, trust me I don't wanna be stood up here any more than you wanna be sat listening to me," The onlookers let out a collective giggle, "but Mike is like another brother to me and I-"

"Don't you mean grandson, Gramps?" Mike challenged with a teasing frown, sending the guests into one big communal chuckle.

Harvey feigned an annoyed frown as Donna joined in on the laughing by his side, "Alright Mike, I was gonna go easy on you but now I can roast your ass without any guilt, thank you." Mike bowed his head down, smirking in regret.

"Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by New York's most comedic lawyer.. or are you even a real lawyer? I can't keep up?" He turned to look Mike right in the eye as his dig was accompanied by even louder laughter, the younger man holding his hand to his heart to fake hurt.

"Yeah so, as annoying as he is, he's family to me therefore I'm obliged to get up here and give some heartfelt speech on his new found marital happiness." He looked to Mike and Rachel, both smiling.

"Well, I'll keep it short and sweet; I would not be the man I am today had I not met Mike God Damn Ross. He encouraged me to be better both personally and professionally. To not be afraid to care about other people. That caring doesn't make you weak." Harvey paused in brief reflection, thinking of the vivacious redhead sat next to him.

"But most importantly.. seeing him with Rachel over the years, and how truly happy they are together, was a constant reminder that I was denying that kind of life for myself because I was too afraid to risk anything." He looked to Donna then who hadn't taken her eyes off of him, she looked abundantly proud yet somewhat bashful at the same time. "And after some harsh truths along the way, from Mike, and a few others.. I finally realised what I was missing out on all along. Or rather _wh_ _o_ I was missing out on." Harvey lightly and lovingly placed a hand on the back of Donna's shoulder, igniting a spark all the way down her spine.

Jessica and Louis each donned a rather smug grin as they observed the interaction.

"So, what I'm tryna say is.. even though he's a shitty lawyer," Harvey stopped to look to his friend with a sincere smile knowing that his insult wasn't true, "Mike Ross has taught me a hell of a lot in the few years we've known each other and I am eternally grateful for that. To Mike and Rachel; I wish you both a lifetime of happiness together." He paused for a second as he raised his glass, "But please, when the time comes, don't ask me to babysit."

The room was full of chuckles and chatter then as everybody raised their glasses in unison, "To Mike and Rachel." everyone chanted.

"That was lovely." Donna beamed softly as he sat back down beside her, the rest of the tables re-starting their respective pre-speech conversations. Mike and Rachel began making their way around the function room to talk to and thank each of their guests.

"Lovely?" He quizzed, lowering his brows and bottom lip as if unimpressed by her choice of compliment.

She rolled her eyes, turning away from the table and towards him, as he was to her, her exposed right knee in between his legs as her long limb teasingly jut out of the slit in her dress. She grabbed his hands in her own, him tightening their grip before she had the chance to, "It was perfectly macho.. with just the right amount of sentiment and humour." she offered instead, raising her brow as she did so.

"Thanks Donna, I prefer that review." he smirked, leaning in to give her a brief peck on the lips, but once he started he couldn't stop and let it last until she pulled away smiling.

Harvey was silenced for a moment longer as he was forced to take in all of her grace and beauty, "I love you, you know?" he whispered an inch away from her face as their noses still hadn't parted.

"I do." Donna affirmed warmly. Harvey couldn't help but imagine her saying those two words under different circumstances, especially given the day that was in it, "And I love you too, you know?" she parroted as her pupils dilated.

"I do." He replied solemnly, his tone sounding very similar to how Mike and Rachel had said it just hours beforehand, taking her somewhat by surprise. She gave him a knowing stare, he was hinting a lot today and she hadn't missed any of it. She just didn't know how to respond, they had only been official for a few months after all. So why wasn't the thought of marriage making her run for the hills or even just sending her into a panic? _Because it's Harvey,_ she reminded herself.

As if he had just heard each thought that was bouncing around inside her brain, he leaned back straight, loosening his shoulders but not his grip on her hands, and spoke again, "C'mon Donna.. it's not as if we haven't been married for the last thirteen years anyway."

He said it so matter-of-factly, just as he did when he spat out, " _You know I love you, Donna.",_ a few years ago, causing her to have the same stunned reaction.

He smirked at the effect he had on her. Shuffling in his chair, he dropped his left hand to caress her semi exposed right thigh and continued on in a low murmur, switching to his soft 'for Donna only' voice, "You once told me that you 'took care of that' years ago.."

She trailed her eyes off to the left until she remembered what he meant. " _I took care of that too, we've been married for the last seven years."_ Her younger self's jesting comment returning to her memory. _How did he remember that? It was a joke._

"Well, just so you know.. I plan on taking care of it too. For real this time. Someday. _Soon._ " He pressed his lips together with a satisfied, mischievous smirk before raising his right hand to return a few fallen strands of honey hair back behind her ear.

She took a deep breath before discarding her somber gaze for a lighter grin and an eyebrow quirk, "Harvey Specter, how many times are you gonna subtly propose to me today?"

"Haven't decided yet." he winked, "And don't worry, I'm not stupid enough to do the real thing at someone else's wedding.. and without a ring."

She rolled her eyes at his facetious statement as her heartbeat picked up its pace, "Well thank God for that."

"Please, call me Harvey." he teased.

They shared a harmonious chuckle, both beaming so much it looked as though they were the ones who had just gotten married.

Rising from his chair soon after, he encouraged Donna to stand too, pulling her up by the hands he was still holding, until she was vertical with him.

"How would the world's most beautiful Maid of Honor like to dance with the universe's most handsome Best Man?"

"Yes!" Donna's eyes lit up in an exaggerated expression as she pretended to scan the room, "Where is he?"

Harvey lowered his chin and glared at her, completely unimpressed at how she shrugged off his compliment to her, and to himself. But he smiled then, because he could never really be unimpressed by her humour and wit. Or by her _,_ for that matter. "I just remembered he's gonna be late, so I'll have to do instead."

She faked a disappointed sigh and he couldn't take her mock dissatisfaction any longer. Shaking his head with a light frown, only trying to hide his smile, he walked them both to the dance floor area that was dotted with swaying bodies as the band were getting into their rendition of Miles Davis' 'So What'.

"No wonder you wanted to dance." she scoffed lightly, head nodding towards the band.

He stood before her grinning then as they stopped on the dance floor, "Well seeing as my memories with you and Miles have been forever tainted, I thought it would be a good idea to make some new ones. Better ones."

"Are you ever gonna get over me scratching that damn record?!"

"Depends how well you dance to it now." His smiling eyes were scanning hers, until she returned his gaze with her signature ' _Please, I'm Donna'_ look.

The redhead placed her palms on the lapels of his tux jacket. Harvey responded by bringing his hand to her lower back, pulling her in tight, whilst clasping her right hand with his left. She lay her head on his shoulder as he rest his chin against her smooth forehead. They swayed in a comfortable silence for awhile, just taking in the music, and one another, and how far they'd come.

Donna felt him take in a deep breath before his next words warmed her face as he whispered them, and her heart as she registered them, "I can't wait to share my life with you, Donna."

Her face played it casual, still resting against him as her heart beat out of her chest and against his own, "I'll give it five minutes until we're bickering over something." she teased with a feigned nonchalance about her.

He frowned and looked down at her features as she rested on him, still swaying simultaneously, "We won't _bicker?_ We've done pretty well so far."

She chuckled sweetly, the vibrations running through him like a herd of wild horses, almost knocking his heart off-balance. Hearing his favourite sound, especially after the serious year they had just had, always warmed his heart, her infectious laughter acting as a sweet melody in his ears, "Harvey, it's us! Of course we will.. but that just means great make up sex so it's fine by me."

"No. I think we're above arguing now. I mean.. we only did before because of all the sexual tension." She couldn't help but let out a louder laugh then as he deepened his tone into a raspy whisper at the latter part of his statement. He had never sounded more adamant about anything in his life. Harvey echoed her amusement and let out a chuckle of his own then. He gave her a light peck on the forehead, taking in the scent of her sweet herbal shampoo.

"Actually you're right," Her head shot up as she looked him in the eyes with a quizzical smile, waiting for him to continue, "we will argue."

"Mmhmm.." she mumbled with a smirk, knowing there was something else coming, judging by the smug look on his face.

"Over three things exactly." His eyes scanned the room as their dancing slowed down even more and he knew she was eager to hear the rest. He returned her heavy eye contact then, her dark forest-green eyes sparkling wildly against the looming chandeliers.

"One: The date we choose to get married." Her breath sharpened.

"Two: The first home we choose to buy together." Her mouth fell slightly agape, eyes blinking up at him.

"And three: The names we choose to give to our kids." Her heart was beating rapidly against his chest again then, he could feel the pulse in her wrist racing as he still held onto her hand, before their swaying stopped.

Donna was at a loss for words. He seemed to be mapping out their entire future for them that day. It had been such a short time since they had gotten together officially, but he was right about them practically being married for the last decade anyway. It just felt so right to hear him talk about them in that way. She steadied her breath and smirked lightly, "Kids?" she quizzed, with an emphasis on the 's'.

Harvey met her gaze with the most confident grin she'd ever seen, "Yes. An entire baseball team." he teased, knowing how unamused she would be at the thought of birthing that much children.

"Hah! Get real!" she scoffed, throwing him her left brow as her forehead creased, lightly pushing his shoulder that her hand was still rested on.

He pulled her even closer then, "Fine. We can just keep going until we have at least one of each."

She pulled back her head and glared at him, but her creeping smile told him he was saying all the right things, "I suppose time isn't on our side is it? We might have to start a little earlier on these relationship milestones than most couples.." she joined in.

They mirrored a smile as he pressed his lips together and nodded slowly, causing her to do the same.

"Did I ever tell you how happy I am that you didn't go to Chicago?"

"Yes." she blinked firmly, "Did I ever tell you how happy I am that you convinced me not to?" Her voice was all vanilla and honey, whispering in his ears.

"Yes. We can thank each other again after this dance." Donna glared up at him with a questioning expression on her face before he elaborated, "I booked us a room here." The redhead suddenly couldn't wait for the band to finish the song.

Harvey squeezed her waist, warmly bringing her back against him as they started to dance again, his eyes searching her exposed flesh for the same freckles that stood out so clearly earlier in the bright light of day, somewhat disappointed that the dim light of the dance hall had blanketed its shade over most of them.


	15. Chapter 15

_(Part II)_

 _A Proposal_

* * *

Harvey wasn't even entirely sure why he had waited another three months to officially get down on one knee, with the most impressive piece of jewelry he or she had ever laid eyes on. Especially when he saw her reaction as he did so. He mostly figured it would give them the time to get to know each other even more intimately, so she wouldn't feel as if they weren't ready. And even though just over six months still isn't the usual time to be thinking about marriage, for them it was really almost fourteen years.

The man was a bag of nerves just thinking about how he would propose to the only person he had ever thought of spending his life with. She was Donna after all, he imagined it would have to be memorable and extravagant. But then he remembered, _she was Donna._ His bestfriend. Soulmate. Maybe a more intimate moment between just them, and perhaps a few close friends, would be best. There was no way she was going to forget the day he finally asked her to marry him anyway, no matter how he did it.

 _So this was how he did it:_

The happy couple were out getting dinner one Friday night. It wasn't just any night, however. It was the anniversary of the day she came to work at his desk. They still decided to celebrate it even though she was COO now and not his secretary. The tradition was far too sentimental to them at this stage to stop now.

Their annual Del Posto date was eventually cut short as an 'urgent work matter' came up which would require Harvey, Donna, Mike, Louis and Rachel to be back in Harvey's office going over discovery for an upcoming trial. Harvey had asked the waiter for their desserts to be packed up before they were brought out, so that they could eat something back at the firm when they got peckish. Donna wondered why he didn't just leave it and order from the shitty Thai place like they usually do when they get hungry at the office. She shrugged it off, thinking maybe he was just really in the mood for a chocolate dessert.

They got back to the firm and the trio were already there in Harvey's office buried deep in a mountain of boxes filled with case files. Donna sighed, this was not how she had hoped her night would have fared out. But she didn't complain, she never did. She always chose to put her all into the firm. It was more to her than just a job, it was the second home to her second family.

About a hundred sighs later, they were still searching through box after box. Donna stood up releasing a small exasperated sigh, pointing her index fingers up in the air, "Okay! Who wants coffee? Cause I can't look at another piece of paper without a healthy dose of caffeine in my veins!" She didn't want to admit that she wasn't really sure what they were looking for, none of them had been very clear. It was also very late so she had let all their jargon lawyer talk slip over her head somewhat.

They all looked up, everyone nodding except Mike, "I'm good." he smiled.

Harvey, Louis and Rachel all turned to him with a death stare before Rachel subtly nudged him and whispered, "It'll give us more time.."

Had Donna not been heading out the door already, she would have noticed the group's sketchy behaviour straight away.

"Uhh yes actually! I'm starting to feel a little tired, I'll have a coffee thanks." Donna looked back before she reached the doorway with a chuckle and an amused frown, "Okay Mike, I'll make yours extra strong!"

The moment her all-white, skin-tight dress was out of his view, Harvey turned to Mike, shaking his head in utter disappointment at his protege's poor performance, before looking to the others as he rose from his leather couch, "Alright I knew she wouldn't last more than twenty minutes without a coffee if we swamped her with all this legal shit." he smirked proudly.

Rachel hopped up then too. She ran behind Harvey's desk and picked up the ice bucket containing the champagne that she had left there right before the couple had arrived, hiding it even more so with her oversized Ralph Lauren handbag. She returned to the couch to hide it again in a more convenient spot beside her, now that Donna was gone. Louis left and strode over to his own office remembering to collect the party poppers he'd insisted on, much to Harvey's earlier protest.

Mike rose to his feet last, "What do you need me to do, Harvey?"

"Just be ready when I give you the signal." Harvey asserted, an appreciative smile threatening his lips.

Mike nodded, pressing his lips together in a slow smirk, before turning to help Rachel clear away the files that were now scattered everywhere.

Harvey made his way over to his desk to set the next, and most important, part of the plan in motion. He unlocked the bottom drawer and slid it out eagerly, locking eyes on the beautiful white leather ring box before he gathered it in his hand and opened it, smiling proudly as the ring he had chosen sparkled up at him, just begging to be worn by the only woman it was specifically designed for. He closed the box, thinking of how little time they had left. She would surely be brewing their coffees by now, perhaps have even added her signature splash of vanilla already. Picking up the pace, he opened the Del Posto bag that was still sitting on his desk carrying their desserts, neatly placed the ring box at the bottom, underneath the two larger white boxes, and left the bag there after he closed it again.

He journeyed over to his record player then, just standing there allowing himself to take a moment, softly smiling at his mother's picture above it, before snapping out of his thought, once again remembering that time was against them. He pulled out the record from its shelf. The one they had danced to in his office just over six months ago, when he had tried to tell her how he felt. His father's favourite record. He looked to Mike who was seated on the couch again, alongside a giddy Rachel. He nodded to his friend as a reminder, silently communicating that it was Mike's job to play the music when the time came. He sat down in the accompanying leather armchair, wringing his hands, subconsciously running them up and down his thighs. He felt too hot then and took off his suit jacket, leaving him in his white shirt, dark maroon tie and deep navy waistcoat.

"Harvey." He looked up to see Mike staring at him, eyes slightly enlarged, but wearing a warm, encouraging smile, "She's gonna say yes!"

Harvey pressed his lips into a grateful smile and nodded. But he was lost in thought soon again. He had talked a big game at Mike and Rachel's wedding months prior, confidently dropping hints to Donna that he intended on marrying her, and soon. But now that he actually had to do it, in front of his peers, his confidence was running scared, his mountain sized ego suddenly shrinking into a mere hill. It wasn't out of fear of commitment, or even uncertainty, he knew he wanted this. He just prayed it was what she wanted at this time too.

"Mike's right. In fact the only answer that's gonna cross her mind is yes!" Rachel reiterated her husband's point with a precious smile, "Trust me, Maid of Honors know these things."

They shared a chuckle before Louis strode back into the room just the way he had left it, glancing around, thankful he wasn't too late. He sat down next to Mike rather uncomfortably.

"You alright there, Louis?" Harvey frowned opposite him, not sure he even wanted a response.

"See how well you'd sit down with your pants pockets full of party poppers!" he retorted, slightly annoyed at himself for insisting he do it.

"Well it was your idea Louis.." Harvey smirked back smugly, happy he could see Louis squirming with regret.

"Yes. An idea that I had to celebrate my friend's enga-"

"Shut it, Louis!" Harvey hissed hoarsely, his eyes darting through the glass wall as he saw his girlfriend approaching steadily with a tray of forks, plates and the five steaming cups of coffee she had just whipped up in the executive kitchen, "She's coming."

Donna bounced into the room carefully, her auburn locks stylishly cascading over her shoulders as she balanced the tray with the palms of both hands, "This reminds me of my waitressing days when I was tryna make it as an actress!" she mused chirpily, darting her brows upwards in reminiscence.

"Finest waitress New York has ever seen." Harvey beamed, watching her bend down to put the packed tray onto the coffee table.

"Just New York?" she retorted in faux hurt as she sat on the armrest of his chair and watched the others gratefully take their coffee cups.

Harvey cocked his head up at her and dropped his bottom lip, his stern expression telling her 'in the world', before an inevitable smile crept in and he brought his hand up from the armrest around to her right hip, caressing her waist sweetly. She smiled back at him before looking over to the others.

Donna soon noticed they had done a bit of cleaning while she was gone, "Any luck with ..whatever it is we're supposed to be looking for? Yous never really clarified it you know? I mean, I know I'm not a lawyer, but I think I've more than proved to yous all over the years that I can keep up!" she said it so frivolously that everybody chuckled and grinned. She was blissfully unaware however, that they were also grinning at the reason they hadn't specified what they were looking for; because they weren't _reall_ _y_ looking for anything!

"You know we know all that, Donna." Harvey stated firmly.

"We're just taking a break from it for a bit." Rachel covered so Donna wouldn't dwell on why everything was packed away again.

The redhead hummed before looking back at Harvey as he spoke, "Donna, could you please grab us the desserts from Del Posto? I left them over on my desk." he asked rather nonchalantly, terrified to give anything away.

"What am I today, everyone's maid? Geesh!" she quipped in mock annoyance as she proceeded to get up anyway.

 _No but I'm gonna be your Maid,_ Rachel thought grinning to herself.

"That's why we love you." Harvey toyed as his head followed her over to his desk.

Donna brought back the bag and lay it on the table as Harvey quickly hopped up to unpack it while she set out the plates on the coffee table, "Good thing Harvey and I always order enough to feed a small army, so there's plenty to go around!"

They were all soon seated again with their food, this time Donna was in the other armchair next to Harvey's, about to dig into her raspberry cake when he interrupted her mid fork-lift, "Oh Donna, could you also grab the chocolate sauce please? It's still in the bag. You're the closest." He briefly looked at Mike who took it as his cue to subtly get up and make his way to the record player. Donna barely even notice him though as she lowered her fork and placed her plate on the coffee table.

"What would you do without me..?" she mumbled to herself as she stood up and retrieved the bag near her end of the table.

"You're a diamond." Harvey teased, laughing inwardly at her obliviousness to the actual diamond that was inside as she rummaged around with a slight frown blindly trying to dig out the little box. He didn't want to have the ring on him in the office in case she saw it bulging out of his pocket or touched off it during a spontaneous embrace or something. She had an eagle eye and he wasn't taking any chances. Also, the thought of her unknowingly handing him their engagement ring was far too amusing to him.

"I know, I'm my own bestfriend!" she joked as she finally grabbed the item, dropping the bag to the floor and outstretching her left arm to hand it to him as she turned back to face him.

He was standing up to meet her then just about two feet away, much to her bemusement, until she noticed the mischievous look in his eye as he smiled at her softly, his eyes then falling to what was in her hand. She realised then that it wasn't a food box. It was heavier than it should have been and felt like leather inside her palm. She did a double take as she loosened her grip on the object, furrowing her brows in perplexity. The second her mind had registered what she was holding, Harvey had gently joined his hands with her left, clasping the box as he stared into her searching eyes with a reassuring smile.

"How about we actually 'take care of this' like you said you did all those years ago?" he leaned in and whispered to her privately.

It was his next gesture that left Donna without any doubts whatsoever as to what his intentions were. She was lowering her gaze along with him as he knelt down before her, his hands still holding her hand as it clutched the box. He smoothly slid his thumb and fingers around the ring box, cracking open the lid with his next movement.

Mike was standing at the record player having had started the music. Rachel was biting her lip, trying her best to contain her burgeoning smile. Louis was fiddling inside his pockets, his tongue peaking out between his teeth as his eyes narrowed with concentration. Harvey was looking up at Donna, inhaling a deep breath and clearing the newly formed lump in his throat as he readied himself to speak.

Donna was frozen.

Harvey gave her hand a light squeeze, as the three palms held onto the box still. Her face was almost fully blank as she looked down from the ring and into his eyes, her own eyes blinking more frequently then.

"Donnaaa.." he said deeply, dragging out each letter of her name with a smirk as he tried to bring her back to the present moment, knowing she was too stunned to take it in then.

She was shaking her head in utter shock and disbelief, especially at the timing of it all, she had never expected it right then and there. She definitely didn't take him as the 'down on one knee in front of a crowd' kind of guy. But in his defense, he was full of surprises since they got together, so at the same time she wasn't really overly shocked at all.

"Harvey.." she replied slowly, in the lightest whisper, her lips trembling, the perfect diamond glistening against her pupils as it shone out of the box held tightly in her soon-to-be fiance's hands.

He tried to get his proposal out before he was cut off, "Donn-"

"Yes!" she whispered an octave higher.

Everyone else let out a chuckle that caught her off guard. She still only focused on Harvey however, who was holding back his own laughter, and tears.

"You have to let him ask you!" Mike grinned softly from his station at the record player.

"Right.." she scoffed at herself, feeling a hot blush creep in under both of her cheeks.

Harvey shuffled a bit then so he was even closer to her, just a foot apart as his eyes looked up into hers. He inhaled deeply, filling up his lungs as much as possible. Even though her answer was now confirmed he was still nervous, he wanted it to be perfect. He cleared his throat and breathed out before taking a deep breath in again.

" _Donna Roberta Paulsen._ You are my bestfriend. My soulmate. My partner in crime. I have been in love with you before I even knew how to be in love with someone. And there isn't a single other person on this entire planet that I could, or would, even consider spending the rest of my life with. It has always been you, just you, since day one. Nobody else was ever a threat. Not for a second." He paused for a second or two to take in the moment with her, "I'm sorry I'm over a decade late, but I've always wanted something more, _with you_. And I promise to make up for all that lost time for the rest of our lives together," cocking his head to the right ever so slightly he let an innocent smile curl at his lips, "Marry me, Donna?"

The woman was speechless. At the wrong moment. She was trying to speak or nod or do something but all she could see was the love of her life below her, just a foot apart with the most beautiful ring she had ever seen held carefully between them. That part didn't even matter though, she would have agreed had he proposed to her with a candy ring.

Harvey grinned before biting his bottom lip and leaning his head closer as she looked down at him lightly trembling, " _This.._ is the part where you respond."

Donna placed her hair back behind her right ear and let out the breath she'd been holding in since she'd witnessed him kneeling before her, "Yes, Harvey." she grinned calmly and assertively, "Of course I will."

Harvey released his biggest smile then, showing off all of his teeth, creasing the age lines on his chiseled face. He took the ring out of its box and gently held out her left hand, looking up at her one last time as her boyfriend before glancing down to slide the ring on. He gazed back into her teary earthy eyes as her fiance.

He jumped to his feet next, ignoring the slight ache in his knee joint from the prolonged proposal position and cupped her face as they embraced in a deep, loving, smiling kiss.

Their moment was happily interrupted by loud popping noises as trickles of shiny gold and silver confetti fell over their heads. They looked over, her hands still planted on either side of his neck and his own moving to her waist, to see each of their friends with an empty party popper in hand and a full grin on their faces.

 _Michell_ _e_ ended the video recording on her phone and sent her friend, _Harriet_ , the most 'happy for you' smile she had ever worn.

Donna shook her head in disbelief, "There was no emergency with the Matthews trial, was there?" she asked, but it was more of a statement. She looked back to an overly satisfied, smug looking Harvey.

"Finally, something you didn't know." he teased, as he pulled her closer to plant a lighter peck on her glossed lips. Their eyes had never been darker, their pupils almost about to burst. Harvey momentarily brought a hand up to gently remove a piece of confetti from her hair before he tucked the autumn-gold lock back behind her ear smiling.

Rachel bent down around the couch to pull up the champagne bucket she had recently hidden there and walked towards the newly engaged couple extending it towards them as she wiggled her eyebrows at Donna. Harvey, with his left arm still around Donna's waist, stretched out his right and picked up the bottle. Mike came towards them with champagne glasses they had also hidden, followed by a beaming Louis.

"Wanna do the honors?" Harvey asked her, cocking his head with a smirk, holding the bottle mid-air towards her.

"You should. You're the one celebrating." Donna toyed, quirking her brow, but before she had the chance to respond to her fiance's furrowed frown, Louis butt in, feigning annoyance with a light smirk, "Jesus Harvey. The most amazing woman in the entire world, other than Sheila, just said yes to marrying you? Of course you're the one who's gotta be counting his blessings, now pop open that champagne bottle before we all die of thirst!"

"He took the words right out of my mouth." the redhead added as she attempted to lessen her grin by pressing her lips together.

"Why am I marrying you again?" he retorted as he squeezed her waist affectionately.

"Do you need me to repeat Louis' words back to you?" she said in answer to his question.

Without further delay, Harvey released his hand from Donna's frame and proceeded to open the champagne bottle. His strong hands were no match for the cork. It flew into the air followed by a steady flow of frothy bubbles that he directed to land on the coffee table as some of it dripped down his arm, making him glad he had rolled up his sleeves beforehand.

Everyone gave out warm congratulatory hugs and handshakes to the couple, before Mike handed everybody a glass as Harvey filled them up, coming around to Donna last as he met her gaze again, both mirroring a smug grin. He filled his own then and put the bottle down on the glass table. They rose their drinks as his right arm found her frame again again. She switched her glass from one hand to the other just so she could parrot his action, placing her left palm on his lower back, lovingly running it up and down over his silky waistcoat.

"To a lifetime of happiness together." Louis nodded at the loved up pair.

"To the offspring conceived tonight." Mike butt in with a devilish glint in his eye.

Everyone snickered before Rachel gave her husband a firm jab in the ribs with her elbow. She looked to her friends then, "To Donna and Harvey." she smiled, as they all clinked their glasses together in unison.

Harvey turned his head to his fiance, grinning like a fool, "To another reason to celebrate this date, with you." he whispered to her only. She replied with a loving smile only as she gazed into his happy eyes.

"Alriiight! Time for a change in music.." Mike decided, as he went to grab his phone from his pocket.

"Don't you dare play that pop shit in here." Harvey ordered pointing at him with his champagne glass, only half-serious, "What's wrong with jazz anyway?"

Donna dragged her free hand up to his chest, "Nothing! He's just not sixty years old, like some of us.." she joked, "let him have his fun." Her eyes were widened in that way that told him not to even bother arguing. He relaxed his shoulders and rolled his eyes with the release of a sigh. "We can turn it back on when they're gone ..and have our dance." she whispered in his ear, her heated breath sending a fervid flurry of feelings coursing around inside his body, making him wish the others would all leave now so he could do more than dance with her.

"Only because you agreed to marry me." he whispered back, earning him a short but passionate kiss in return.

She quirked her brow at him with a smirk, "And because I'm Donna."


	16. Chapter 16

_(Part III)_

 _An Engagement_

* * *

The months that followed mainly consisted of Donna organising their wedding to within an inch of their lives, whenever she had the time free of work. She came to him with suggestions, somewhat eager for his input on things like colour charts, catering companies and venues, which he happily gave, but at the end of the day he was more than content with leaving most of the planning to her, as was she. He would have married her anywhere at anytime, because he was getting married to _her_.

Donna and Rachel had ceased every opportunity they were given to get together and plan the second wedding of the year. It just so happens that it also gave them the equal chance to catch up outside of work, drink wine and discuss men.

"My turn to sift through your 'top secret' wedding folder, this time!" Rachel smirked as her and Donna sat down on the black leather couch in what was by then both Donna and Harvey's soon to be ex-penthouse apartment.

The redhead threw her curious friend a calm grin as she poured them each a glass of wine from where she was seated. She remembered how Rachel's own wedding planning had been a distraction for her all those months ago when she didn't want to think about her crumbling relationship with Harvey. How the pair sat in the younger woman's office chatting about wedding venues, dresses, cakes and colours. She nodded towards her own packed folder then as if to say 'go ahead', sitting back with her glass of red wine as Rachel impatiently whipped open the crimson coloured plastic organiser and gushed over all of Donna's ideas and visions for her upcoming wedding. An overwhelming sense of joy hit her next, thinking about how far she had come from that day in Rachel's office.

"Well.. what do you think?" Donna's eyes were smiling as she glanced from the open pages to Rachel who was grinning from ear to ear at all of the images she was absorbing, slightly reminiscing about her own wedding months prior.

"Is this the dress?" she whispered, looking back into bright hazel green eyes.

"It sure is." answered the bride-to-be in a lower tone as she sipped her wine.

"Oh my god Donna. I wish I could see it on you already, it is just breathtaking. So you!" Rachel's fingers gently traced the image of the dress Donna had taken during her fitting to print it out for her planner.

Donna chuckled as she projected herself off of the couch, receiving a perplexed look from Rachel, "Well then, my impatient Maid of Honor, I will grant you your wish."

She turned around to place her glass down on the coffee table, beside what was now both her and Harvey's cactus since she had moved in a couple of weeks after their engagement. Both Harvey and Donna were surprised at how little encouragement she had needed to move in with him. It just seemed like the normal progression, and it felt so natural that she didn't have to second guess it once. She missed her old apartment yes, but she would have to move out eventually anyway once they bought their first home together, so she figured it would be a nice baby step.

It also gave her the opportunity to have one last 'god awful dinner party' at no. 206. With her father, her mother, her mother's current flame, Mike, Rachel and Louis all in attendance. And Harvey of course. Even Lily, Marcus and his family came to town that weekend and joined the party, Harvey giving them his apartment to stay in afterwards while he slept at Donna's. The fact that he got to stay over after this dinner party made it that much less 'god awful', in fact, the gathering had turned out pretty great this time round.

"Where are you going?" Rachel quizzed, turning around to see her closest friend disappearing in the direction of her and Harvey's bedroom.

"To my fitting, I'll be right back!" Donna replied with a teasing grin, facing her favourite confidante again as both arms stretched out horizontally to grab and slide the doors shut.

Rachel had a fair idea what the redhead was up to and sat back giggling to herself, almost bubbling over with anticipation.

Moments later, the doors creaked open again and the young brunette sat back up straight, putting both her wine glass and Donna's wedding folder onto the coffee table. She looked over her shoulder and gasped, before having to stand up to take in the sight before her.

"Is that a 'wow you look amazing' gasp or an 'oh my god she looks hideous' gasp?" Donna quipped to fill the silence, knowing full well it wasn't the latter.

Rachel angled her head to the right with a more serious gaze then, "I'm not even gonna answer that." She inhaled again, stepping towards her friend to get a close up look of the gown as the modelling bride made her way back into the centre of the room, "Donna you look, incredible."

"You just answered it." she quipped, earning a light, smiling eye roll from Rachel.

The budding lawyer circled Donna, taking in every bit of stitch and fabric the hand-tailored dress had to offer. It was a snow-white lacy number, hugging its owner's frame from just above the mid-thigh upwards, before it gradually began elegantly flowing outwards down her long legs, with a modest trail and a very subtle slit.

"Harvey is gonna drop dead." Rachel stated when she was opposite Donna again.

Donna pressed her lips into a thin smile and was about to respond, but her next comment was interrupted by the sound of the front door slamming shut.

"Harvey's gonna what now?" His amused voice echoed from the short hallway as he hung up his coat.

The two women froze in unison, looking at each other like two little rabbits caught in the headlights. Donna knew she hadn't time to make a bee-line for cover from the middle of the living area to their bedroom, and she didn't fancy running in her precious gown anyway, " _Harvey Specter,_ don't you _dar_ _e_ take another step in this direction!" she demanded, eyes enlarged as she pointed a finger towards him even though she couldn't even see him yet.

Harvey froze on the spot then also, knowing full well not to go against that tone of voice, "Can I ask why?" he called out with a smirk frown from the hallway.

"She's in her dress!" Rachel replied, projecting her voice over to him from where she stood.

It was taking Harvey too long to respond as the 'understanding women' part of his brain desperately tried to come up with a reason for why that meant he couldn't fully enter his own home.

"My _weddin_ _g_ _dress_ , Harvey!" Donna scoffed as she rolled her eyes with a smirk, picturing him trying to fathom it all.

He lowered his head back into a slow nod as the penny dropped, "Ahhh.. didn't take you for the superstitious type, Donna?" he teased from his spot near the front door, slightly tempted to run in and see how beautiful she looked in her dress but he knew he'd want to save that for the actual day, and besides, she would have his head.

Donna lowered her hands and carefully started to bunch up her precious gown at the knees as she slowly turned to make her way back into the bedroom, "Yeah well, we've waited long enough for this, so I'm not taking any chances mister.."

Rachel looked down at the floor with a heartwarming smile as she inwardly agreed.

"Fair point." he replied as she closed over the doors, "Can I come out now?"

"Coast is clear." Rachel chuckled.

Harvey immediately walked his way into the kitchen, taking off his light grey suit jacket and neatly placing it on one of the stools accompanying the island before rolling up his sleeves and loosening his silver tie, "Coffee?" he asked as he turned towards their new 'caffeine machine', as his fiancee had christened it, much to his amusement.

"No thanks, I've already been spoiled with the goods." she smiled back as she gestured towards the wine glasses in the distance behind her.

Harvey nodded with a silent laugh, knowing that Donna would of course have cracked open the bottle after nine o'clock on a Friday night, "Wine o'clock." he reminded himself aloud whilst turning to face Rachel with a freshly brewed cup in hand as she sat at the kitchen island now. He leaned into the counter opposite her and wore his signature 'smitten over Donna Paulsen' smirk as he eyed the doorway of their bedroom, "She's really in there in her wedding dress, isn't she." he beamed softly, suddenly, but positively, overwhelmed at the reality of it all.

"She really is." Rachel laughed.

Harvey inhaled before looking back to the young woman again, "She's really about to be my wife in a couple of months, isn't she." he said even softer, once again more of a statement than a question.

Rachel pressed her lips together firmly to stop herself from becoming all too smiley over witnessing the partner she once feared at the firm, as a timid yet promising paralegal, completely soften at the thought of his soulmate marrying him. Although that was a side to him she had now become somewhat more accustomed to over the last few months, it still filled her with happiness every time.

"She _reall_ _y_ is." she nodded solemnly this time.

Harvey sent his colleague a warm smile, "I must have done something right after all."


	17. Chapter 17

_(Part IV)_

 _A Marriage_

* * *

Finally what Harvey was witnessing before him wasn't one of his dreams anymore. It was his reality now. Donna Paulsen; his secretary, turned bestfriend, turned COO, turned lover, turned fiancee was about to become his wife.

Through darkening glassy eyes that were threatened by a fresh layer of unshed tears, he watched her slowly stride up the aisle right after her beaming maid of honor had made it to the alter. The radiant redhead was accompanied by her doting father and music that Harvey's ears had blocked out to focus on her alone. She was utterly alluring and angelic as she approached him. He wondered if she was actually glowing or were his watering eyes just messing up his vision. He felt a stinging sensation in the back of his throat as his breath sharpened, her presence captivating his heart.

He admired her in her dress next as it perfectly hugged her tall, slender figure, immediately cursing himself for not having done this ten years ago. When he looked back up to her face she was nearing the alter and looking right at him with her signature smirk. She kissed her father on the cheek as he gave her away, before sending his future son-in-law an approving nod, and sitting down. The elated bride then made her way to the top of the alter opposite Harvey. Her heart began beating ten fold, this was by far the scariest stage she had ever been on. But looking into his soulfully rich eyes eased her nerves straight away. Suddenly it was just them in the enchanting, echoing building that Mike and Rachel had just gotten married in months beforehand. They almost didn't hear the priest starting the ceremony. She was lost in umber eyes, two distinct moles and a big old Cheshire Cat grin. He was transfixed by mint hazel irises, creamy freckles on an ivory blanket and arrowhead indents at each end of a lengthy smile.

Harvey reached out for her hands, physically unable to hold back from her any longer. His thumbs lovingly stroked her wrists as her fingers wrapped around his own. They remained like that all the way through the ceremony until it was time to place the rings on.

Mike held out the gold bands sporting a spreading smirk. He shared a knowing glance with his friend before Harvey looked back to Donna and tenderly took her left hand in his. With an ever endeating enthusiasm, he placed the ring around her wedding finger, staring into her sparkling eyes as he slipped it on, officially making her his wife. She tried to swallow back the tears then but it was a fruitless effort and she let out a nervous giggle as they slipped down both of her cheeks, causing him to chuckle lightly and carefully wipe them away for her.

It was her turn then as she took the ring, taking his left hand and carefully placed his matching piece of jewelry on his own wedding finger. She let out an elated sigh, somewhat in disbelief at what had just happened. They had just gotten married. To each other.

The church was filled with cheering and clapping then as the priest uttered, "You may now kiss the bride."

Harvey didn't need to wait around to be told that twice. He cupped her face in his firm hands and pressed his lips onto hers, eager to taste her as his wife. It tasted better than he could have ever imagined. Donna had given up trying to contain her smile as she kissed him with now aching cheekbones, grinning as their lips met for the first time in marriage.

Knowing they had plenty of company in the church with them, Donna slowly let go of his neck and slid her hands down her husband's chest, gently pulling away from the kiss but not his embrace.

"You're stuck with me now, Donna." he lovingly whispered into her ear with delight at the fact.

She quirked her brow at him, the left side of her mouth rising with it as her eyes failed to hold back tears of genuine joy, "I've been stuck with you for the last fourteen years, Harvey." she whispered back.

...

After their eventful two week honeymoon spent relaxing off the sunny coast of France, sight seeing and making an inevitable weekend stop over in Paris, all before taking to the slopes for a spontaneous ski trip in the French Alps, it was back to reality for the newlyweds.

Harvey and Donna arrived back to their new home which they had just recently moved into together. A large, newly refurbished town house in the City's Upper West Side. Inside it felt modern, yet warm and inviting, a combination of their old apartments, although they hadn't even fully finished moving into it yet as their wedding planning demanded first priority.

They landed their suitcases down inside the front door with a hefty sigh each. Both of them somewhat happy to get back to their new life, still excited that they had their first proper home, together. Donna headed straight for the living room and threw herself down onto the cream couch, delighted to feel the soft cushions underneath her back, whilst Harvey sluggishly made his way to the kitchen as he let out a yawn.

"I take it you want extra coffee in your coffee then?" he called out when he was there.

"Yes, yes, put that caffeine machine to work!" she grumbled as she closed her eyes and massaged her forehead with her thumb and two fingers, "I need all the help I can get to beat this freaking jet lag.."

Harvey made his way into her soon after with two boiling cups of coffee, hers in her favourite blue and white cup, Donna rolled her eyes up to heaven after taking the first sip, "This is the best cup of coffee I've ever had."

Her husband chuckled to himself as he looked down at his lap, which she now had both her legs laid on top of, "What?" she quizzed with a light frown.

"Nothing," Harvey lied as he tried to stop smirking, he couldn't though, he found it impossible not to be reminded of a certain dream he once had where he was delivering almost the exact same line to her, in his bed, and now it was a reality, in their home, "So it was worth the wait then?" he asked softly and intentionally, placing a firm hand on her knee.

She seemed to pick up on his double meaning in some way, morphing her face into a sweeter smile, "Definitely."

…

Donna woke again when it was dark outside, the lamp from the sitting room being the only thing providing light to the large space. As she came to, she felt a warm weight spread across her torso. She lifted her head up off the armrest and pressed her lips together at the sight before her. A snoozing Harvey resting his head on her stomach as he lay on the couch spread horizontally alongside her, his hand resting on her rib cage. With her pupils automatically dilating, she raised her hand from just under the nape of his neck up to his head, slowly gliding her fingers through short strands of sandy brown hair. She looked up at the clock on the mantlepiece then, it was just past 8 o'clock.

"Harv," she whispered, not wanting to wake him abruptly, raising her voice only a little when he didn't stir, making her smile even more, "Harvey, wake up."

"Mmm.. that was nice.." he mumbled, still more than half asleep.

"What was nice?" she giggled at the semi-conscious state he was in.

His eyes cracked open then as he began to take in his surroundings and slowly lifted his head off of her, pushing himself slightly upwards with his left elbow.

"Were you having inappropriate dreams, Mr Specter?"

"No." he mumbled before looking back to her with sleepy eyes whilst yawning, "They're not inappropriate when they involve your wife, _Mrs Specter_."

"Hmm," she agreed with a satisfied smirk, glancing towards her wedding ring, "and it's Mrs _Paulsen_ Specter."

"To everyone else maybe." he playfully protested, pulling himself closer to her as he leaned in to give her a kiss. He straightened himself up on the couch then, rubbing his eyes, "I don't even remember falling asleep."

"We've been in Oz for almost four hours, Dorothy." she mused in faux disappointment as she sat herself up then too, stretching out her stiffened muscles, "I guess we're not stronger than jet lag then." she added in mock surprise.

"Do we have to go into work tomorrow?" Harvey pleaded in an almost childlike manner as he played with a handful of her newly bed-headed hair.

Donna was automatically readying herself to convince him yes, then she thought about it and turned to him with a different attitude, "You know what? No, we don't, our schedules are already cleared past this weekend anyway, one more day won't hurt."

Harvey looked surprised, she didn't usually think like that when it came to the firm, but he didn't question it, afraid she might change her mind.

"It'll give us some more time to finish unpacking, the house still feels a little empty." she added, running a hand down his thigh.

"That's because some of your shoes are still in storage.." he murmured, earning him a light shoulder prod, "Anyway, I was thinking we could do something else all day." he continued in a different tone.

She knew exactly what 'something else' was just by how much he had lowered his voice, and directed his eyes to her lips, "We can do _that.._ when we finish unpacking!"

"Promise?" he said, wearing his best sex eyes and pursing his lips.

Like a young child she held out her pinky finger to him, "We can even christen all of the rooms we haven't gotten the chance to yet, if you like.."

His smallest finger was wrapping around hers in a heartbeat, as he used the gesture to pull her in closer for a deeper kiss, "Can we start unpacking now then?" he breathed into her lips, not wanting to break contact, knowing full well she wasn't going to say yes right now, not with his hands now finding her body.

Donna's fingers were sliding down his jawline and neck then, her own breath becoming hot under his, "Let's finish this first.." she whispered against his flesh, as her hands trailed down his chest and under his sweater, desperate to peel it off him.

…

The next day Mr & Mrs _Paulsen_ Specter were busy unpacking the last of their boxes from when they moved in just days before they jetted off on honeymoon. Donna was in the kitchen putting away some utensils when she was summoned to the living room by the call of his voice, "I need your help with something."

"What's new?" she muttered to herself as she closed over the drawer.

"Heard that."

Donna grinned and made her way into her husband who was trying to hang a painting over the fireplace, letting out a sweet chuckle, "Well if this isn't deja vu.."

Harvey smirked, remembering the last time he had asked her to hang up one of his pictures back in his office. Except this time it was a painting, the one Donna had asked Lily to remake for Harvey, almost an exact replica of the one he lost. He started to align the canvas with the nail on the turquoise wall, "Can you tell me if it looks level?"

Donna stood back, carefully observing the positioning of the painting, he looked to her and she gave him a warm nod of approval before returning to observe the art piece.

Harvey stepped down off the marble ledge and joined her to look at it. Less than three seconds later she shook her head ever so slightly and shuffled over to the mantlepiece, standing on her tip toes to adjust the corner of the canvas ever so slightly. Looking back at him over her shoulder with an adorable smile, seeking his approval which he gave, with an amused frown at her eye for detail. She stood back beside him then, both beaming. _This really i_ _s_ _deja vu,_ he thought.

He put his left arm around her shoulder next, with her then immediately wrapping hers around his waist as she tilted her head into the crook of his neck before he kissed the top of her forehead. He nodded to the painting with a warm smile, "I hope you know how much that gift meant to me?"

Donna let out a sweet grin, "Well it did motivate you to come find me after our fall-out in the lobby, so yeah, I do know." She squeezed his waist lightly before looking up at him to collect a kiss. She looked back to her gift then with a playful frown as she pretended to contemplate her next question, "Do you think it matches all my amazing interior design work though?"

"Please! Don't act like you didn't colour scheme this entire room to match that painting, Donna." He teased, pointing to the canvas on the wall before he shuffled to postition both arms around her lower back as she moved hers up along his chest.

"Hmm.. I always forget you know me better than I give you credit for." she hummed, meeting deep hazel green irises with dark earthy brown ones, as he smugly nodded in agreement. She rested her cheek on his chest then as her hands found the nape of his neck, "We really just got married and moved in together, Harvey."

"I know," he beamed, "..just one major box left to tick now."

Donna froze against him then, not expecting this topic to be brought up so soon, she raised her head to catch his eyes again, "Oh yeah? Your 'entire baseball team' sized box?"

He laughed at her remembering his comment from Mike and Rachel's wedding, "I thought we compromised on that, one of each, remember?"

"I believe you actually said 'keep going until we have one of each'." she chuckled, the warm vibrations sending electricity coursing right through him.

"Well we aren't getting any younger Donna, so our chances at a baseball team are pretty slim." he stated cheekily.

"Speak for yourself, mister! Thirty is still plenty young.." she joked.

"Yeah.. _thirty_."

"You're as young as you feel, Harvey." she defended, wriggling out of his grasp and tapping his shoulder with her index finger, before she strutted away into the kitchen with a grin as he immediately followed with a boyish smirk.

"So is that a yes then? To starting soon?"

She turned back to him at their black, marble kitchen island, quirking her brow whilst smiling with an exaggerated sigh, her maroon nails tapping the countertop, "Yes Harvey.. it's a yes!"

…

That Christmas morning, Donna handed Harvey his main gift in bed, unable to wait a second longer, eyeing him up carefully as she tried to contain her excitement, "Pretty light.." he teased, shaking the long, narrow package which was perfectly wrapped in shiny red paper and a silver string bow.

Donna rolled her eyes before inching closer to him, "Just open it! Trust me, it's the best gift I could have gotten the man who has everything!"

Without further hesitation, Harvey ripped open the wrapping paper at one end, pulling out the long, thin black jewelry box inside, "It's too light to be a watch, did you get me a friendship bracelet?" he teased, enjoying her frowning and tutting far too much. She gave him one more look which was enough to tell him to shut up and open the box.

Harvey grinned lightly and did as her eyes were telling him. He cracked open the box and frowned slightly, his newly awakened eyes not fully registering what was inside, until he saw a tiny little smiley face peering out at him on a white plastic stick. His head shot up towards Donna who was by then wearing a toothy grin, bursting with joy, "You're..?"

"I am." she beamed, "Just over five weeks ..if I did the math right!"

Harvey closed the box and lay it down next to him before gathering Donna in his arms, "This.. this is the only gift I could have possibly wanted this year, Donna" he whispered into her ear as he held her tight, his right hand clasping the back of her head as her own found his lower back.

"I know." she whispered back, swallowing the lump in her throat.

He pulled away so he could look at her then, "We're actually having a baby?"

"Looks like it.." she smiled, pursing her lips at his adorable enthusiasm before becoming rather emotional herself at the sight of his own tearing eyes.

Harvey took in a large breath, taking his right hand up to her face to place a lock of hair behind her ear, "You do know that no gift will ever top this now?"

"I know.." she mumbled, rolling her eyes.

"Well unless it's another kid." he said softly, teasingly.

Donna cocked her head and raised her brows, "Uhm, let's just get through this one first shall we? The thought of one kid is daunting enough."

Harvey nodded, lovingly staring into her dilated eyes, he leaned in to give her a passionate kiss, never wanting it to end.

"Merry Christmas, Harvey." she said hoarsely.

"Merry Christmas, Donna." he smiled back at her.

Harvey lowered his gaze to her stomach then, as if hoping he would suddenly notice a bump. He brought his left hand to their child's temporary home and lightly grazed his fingers against the area before planting his palm over it fully. Donna placed her hand over his before her heart pinched at his next words.

"Merry Christmas, Little One."


	18. Chapter 18

_(Part V)_

 _A Family_

* * *

"Maddie, be careful with those honey, Daddy won't be happy if you scratch them!" Donna pleaded to her four year old as she pulled out one of the records from the shelves in her father's office, "Trust me, Miles Davis and I know _al_ _l_ about it." she mumbled to herself as she scampered over to snatch up her daughter, short arms lovingly wrapping around the redhead's neck as little polished red fingernails played with her mother's auburn layers.

"Did I hear my name?" Harvey beamed, swooping into his office wearing a type of grin he had only acquired since becoming a father.

"Daddy!" Madeline squealed as she wriggled out of her mother's arms with utter delight, dashing over to him, her strawberry gold ringlets bouncing off her shoulders as Harvey bent down to catch her up in his arms.

"Hey there sweetie!" he grinned as he buried a loving kiss onto her forehead, admiring the few light freckles that lay horizontally scattered across her ivory cheeks and nose. His daughter responded by lightly placing her minuscule hands on either side of his jaw and giving him a peck on the lips.

"Mommy said I can't play with your things.." she mumbled, looking for sympathy like any Daddy's girl would.

"I said you have to be careful!" Donna defended with a giggle, shaking her head knowing Harvey would only take his daughter's side anyway.

"Well Mommy isn't much fun today is she?" he joked, pulling his head back with a mock frown for his child's sake, before he looked to his wife with a smirk as she rolled her eyes and seated herself on the couch, sighing with exhaustion.

"Hmm, well you wouldn't be much fun either if you were up with _Little Miss Rise and Shin_ _e_ over here since 5 a.m, mister." she hummed nodding towards their daughter as she relaxed into the black leather and put her legs up on the glass coffee table.

Harvey laughed to himself as he gave Madeline another tight squeeze before letting her down to run back over to his colourful collection of albums. Donna watched, smiling at him as he observed their daughter resuming her intense record studies, "Oh, but whenever I did that you almost had a heart attack?" she called out to him in a teasing manner.

Harvey looked at her with an innocent glare as he made his way to his desk, "But you don't have tiny little hands that can't even remove the record from it's cover." he stated in defense, "And I always let you touch my stuff and you know it."

"True." Donna admitted, "Even after I scratched your Miles Davis. Oh my god, you really do love me." she gasped in mock shock, holding her hand to her heart as if it just suddenly dawned on her.

Harvey pulled his smirking eyes away from hers to land them on his desk, eager to start his next conversation, "Well hello there mister, and what has got you so quiet today?"

"Shh Daddy! I'm working." his son's tiny faux frown flashed up at him as his little frame sat in his father's huge leather desk chair.

Donna let out a chuckle from the other side of the room, still lying back relaxing with her eyes closed, "That's my boy." she whispered, knowing Harvey would hear it.

Harvey frowned at her antics and sighed with a defeated smile as he bent down beside the chair to be level with his son, "And what are you working on exactly?"

"Uhm.." Harvey could see the lawyer wheels trying to turn inside the four year old's brain as he dropped his father's pen against the paper he was scribbling on, trying his best to remember one of the grown up words he had heard some of the adults say at the office before, "a suh..peen..iss."

Donna's eyes shot open as she tried her best to contain her hysterics at their son's adorable, yet hilariously incorrect, attempt at the word, "You can handle that one."

Harvey chuckled lightly, "It's ' _subpoena'_ , James."

"Suh-peena." nodded the boy as he knitted his brows and picked up the pen again.

Harvey beamed at the light-ashy haired child that had all of his looks and almost too much of his mother's bossiness and smarts. He lay his hand on the boy's head and ruffled his hair with a proud grin, "You're gonna be New York's next best closer aren't you, buddy?"

James whipped his small arms up to his hair to swat his father away as he tried his best to stay professional, but giggled anyway, "Daddy stop please, I'm at work!"

Harvey brought his palms flat up to his shoulder's submissively, "Okay okay, come see me when you're on your lunch break then.."

Donna angled her head towards her husband and followed him with her eyes as he made his way over to her, bending over about to give her a kiss before she reluctantly pushed him away with a lightly scornful glare, "Harvey! We're at the office.."

"And? You're my wife. The mother of my kids. I don't think people would care to judge as much as you once thought they would, Donna." He defended as he straightened back up and jumped over her outstretched legs to sit himself beside her on the sofa as she grinned.

Madeline ran over shortly after, with a record case that was wider than her body wrapped under her arms, "Daddy! Play this one? Please?" she raised her voice in excitement.

"Maddie honey, not too loud remember?" Harvey nodded towards the pram in front of him.

The little redhead turned to match where her doting father's eyes had landed, "Oops I forgot she was sleeping.. sorry." she whispered, placing her fingers on her lips after she lay the record on his lap.

Harvey smirked, pulling his attention away from his youngest daughter who was finally in a deep sleep after being awake since 5 in the morning, cozily blanketed up in her stroller. He picked up the record album and laughed, turning his head toward Donna on his left, "She's got my good taste in music, I'll give her that."

Donna beamed back at him as she glanced at the cover he was holding up. His father's favourite record album. She remembered how that had also become _their_ _s_ now as they had danced to it many times, mostly during late nights in the office, "Her Grandfather's good taste, you mean?" she corrected light-heartedly.

Harvey nodded in agreement, "Alright little miss, lets get this party started!" he chirped as he gathered her up in his arms once again.

"It better be the quietest party on the planet because I just got that little one to sleep thirty minutes ago!" Donna warned lightly, after returning to her head back, eyes closed, position.

"It's okay Mommy, Mia loves jazz music.." Madeline chimed in, adorably snickering as the mischievous glint in her eye mirrored her father's.

"Oh, well in _that_ case sweetie." Donna chuckled to herself.

With his daughter in his left arm, he used his right to operate the record player. Madeline's eyes lit up as she watched this amazing device bring the music to life. When a song was playing at an acceptable noise level for a sleeping baby, Harvey took excited the little girl's left hand in his right and swayed around with her as her right hand gripped the nape of his neck. Donna peaked open her eyes then and felt her heartbeat quicken. She had never gotten used to seeing the love of her life as a father. It amazed her every single day at just how much he was made to be a Dad.

After a giggle-filled dance, Harvey let his dizzy daughter back down on the floor, watching as she ran over to her brother, the frills of her skirt bobbing along with her. Both parents watched them enthusiastically play 'Specter Litt' at their father's desk.

"Literally the only thing that makes them twins is their birthday." Donna mused, grinning towards Harvey as he seated himself beside her again, his hand resting on her white jeans as the jazz continued to play in the background.

"It's like looking at a mini us." he added proudly.

Madeline was seating herself on one of the desk chairs opposite James, reaching out over the marble desk, much to her brother's annoyance, to grab the phone before she brought it up to her ear and channeled her mother's acting ability, "Don-nah Possen Spectur, Cee-Oh-Oh spee-king?"

"Still think she's a Daddy's girl?" Harvey's teased playfully.

Donna looked back to their kids with the utmost pride, placing her right hand over his on her lap, their fingers quickly interlocking, "I knew bringing her to work with me that one evening would pay off."

Harvey eyed his kids again then, "The way she delivers that line, I can't tell if she's gonna be an actress, or an actual COO?"

Donna pressed her lips together into a sweet smile, before raising her index finger between the small space between her and Harvey, "I also brought her to my old cubicle earlier while Mike and Rach watched the other two, she practically kicked some assistant out of it! With her charm, of course." she informed her husband.

"Bet you encouraged it."

"I didn't _no_ _t_ encourage it." Harvey sent her a challenging glare, "What? That cubicle will _alway_ _s_ be mine." she retorted in defense.

Harvey smirked back, watching again as his two little angels played offices, messing up his neat desk in the process, not even caring that they were doing so.

"Which one of us do you think this little one will take after?" Harvey mumbled affectionately as he nodded towards the three month old snoozing peacefully in her pram.

"Well," Donna began with an extended brow as she prepared him for a teasing, "seeing as she cries every time I leave the room, I'd say she's definitely gonna take after her father!"

Harvey shook his head in mock annoyance as he stroked her thigh with his thumb, "Very funny, Donna."

The witty redhead replied with a pleased grin. He leaned in to give her a peck when she brought her right index finger to his lips, looking out through the glass walls behind them. He frowned with a tut, "You're on maternity leave, so technically we're not even working together right now."

"I may have broken my rule for you, but I still have my principles, Harvey." she toyed, stroking his jaw with her red polished fingernails.

His eyes narrowed on her as his grin enlarged, "Oh yeah? I don't remember seeing your ' _principles'_ around anywhere that first night you kissed me in your office?"

Donna was lost for a comeback for just a second before quipping back, "And aren't you so incredibly lucky that they went missing that night, mister?"

"I am." he nodded swinging his left arm onto the back of the sofa behind her, playing with her strands of honey hair, "What do you say you lose them again so you can kiss me goodbye before I've to go to my next meeting?"

Donna shook her head, partly at herself for hating how much he owned her. And she him. She knew she couldn't resist those charm-filled eyes of his, but she loved making him work for it nonetheless. She curled her lips into a seductive smile as her eyes targeted his lips, telling him he could lean in for a kiss, which he did right on cue.

They heard twin giggles echoing from across the room moments later, "Mommy and Daddy up a tree, k-i-s-s…", both siblings trailed off.

"i-n-g!" Donna finished for them as they struggled to remember what they were spelling.

"Kissing is gross!" James remarked as he scrunched up his nose and shared a high-pitched cackle with his sister.

"If only they knew how they were made.." Harvey muttered under his breath.

"I know, I'm pretty sure they have some whipped cream in their genes.." Donna added humorously, sending the couple into a secretive laughter over their own commentary as their oblivious kids continued playing.

"Daddy what's this doing in here?" James asked innocently as he pulled out his father's desk drawer further, eventually revealing what was inside as he held it up high, wrapped between his miniature fingers.

Both Donna and Harvey were at a loss for words, mouths agape and brows raised, before Donna propelled herself off of the couch, "On that note.." she began walking herself over to the desk wearing an awkward smile to retrieve the item from her son, "we're gonna go home now, come on kids, say goodbye to Daddy."

She watched them moan and groan as they had to stop playing and get down from their recently claimed desk, running over to give their father a loving hug. She placed the can opener back inside the drawer beside the box of thumbtacks, smiling to herself at all the memories it held. Remembering how she had given the cherished item back to him during their fall out all those years ago, as she tried desperately to move on. How it had been returned to the office from its temporary home at Harvey's old apartment almost immediately after they got together. And, how they must have done their sacred ritual hundreds of times by now in their almost twenty years together.

Donna snapped out of her train of thought to gaze at the sight on the couch before her. Two of their kids jumping up on their father's lap as they hugged and played, messing each other's hair, their daughter playfully pulling at Harvey's tie, "Madeline Lilian Specter, are you trying to choke me!?" Harvey scolded humorously between laughs as James tickled his ribs, "And James Gordon!? I thought us guys were supposed to stick together?"

A giant mix of poking, prodding and giggling was almost bringing tears to Donna's eyes. She had never really envisioned herself with a family this big. The twins had been a surprise, well one of them was at least. Both her and Harvey had gotten the most unexpected news at her 20 week scan, the doctor telling them that there was actually another baby housed snugly in her uterus, hiding behind her brother. And then to be blindsided again over four years later, when they weren't even trying for another baby. That didn't mean they weren't overjoyed at their latest little miracle though. And now Donna was able to watch them all in his office, the happy family she never dared imagine for herself beforehand, almost always believing she would never find the right person to share that kind of life with, only to realise one night that that person had been right under her nose for the last thirteen years.

She shook her head and made her way over to the stroller, blaming her post-baby hormones for her minor emotional episode, when really she knew they had nothing to do with it, "Alright kids, that's enough abusing your poor father for today," ordered their mother as she gently reversed the pram, trying not wake the baby, "..until he gets home later that is."

The twins jumped down off the couch, allowing Harvey to breath again as he stood up to meet his wife. Placing one hand on her waist, he looked down into the stroller and smirked boastfully, "She looks like me when she's sleeping." He used his free hand to gently caress his youngest child's rosy cheek as she dreamed peacefully, all but melting his heart.

A light orange glow stepped in between them then and they both looked down, "Mia looks like me and Mommy, Daddy." reaffirmed the young girl as she glared at her father with Donna's eyes and turned back to her mother, parroting the signature smirk she had learned from her. Donna rewarded her daughter with a not-so-subtle wink and a high-5.

"And isn't she very lucky about that, Madds?" he chuckled, lightly pinching her adorably freckled cheek as she smiled into the stroller, doting over her baby sister.

"Let's go Mommy, we need to feed her soon." Madeline reminded her.

" _We."_ Donna echoed to Harvey as both of their hearts twinged at their daughter's protective nature.

Harvey closed the gap between him and Donna to plant another cheeky kiss on her lips, " _We_.. really have three kids." he whispered to her, as if the fact just suddenly hit him.

"We really do." she nodded, mirroring his bemusement.

"Can we go see Uncle Louis now Mommy?" James asked hopefully.

"Only if you promise to play with all his cat pictures, he'll love that." Harvey butt in mischiefly.

Donna frowned at him, before smiling when he just smirked back, "And his dictaphone!" she added, nodding at her two eldest.

The fun-sized duo gleefully began scampering out of Harvey's office, leaving Donna to pick up the pace behind them as she pushed the stroller out the door, "I'll see you at home, don't be too late, Mike and Rachel are bringing Edith over for a play date at around 6."

"When do I ever stay longer than necessary these days?" He defended following her to the door, before chancing another kiss, which she accepted, seeing as nobody was around.

"True, you're quite the home bird lately." she hummed in agreement.

"I'm a 'wherever my family is' bird actually." Harvey corrected with an all too pleased-with-himself smirk.

Donna smiled in response, forcefully holding herself back from commenting on his latest new-found talent; Dad jokes. "Alright Tweety, see you soon." she leaned in for one quick peck, taking advantage of the empty corridors, "Love you."

"I love you too." he beamed.

Harvey watched the four loves of his lives getting smaller and smaller as they made their way down the corridor, a mixture of tiny legs skipping and jumping and longer legs strutting effortlessly after them behind the wheels of the stroller.

A certain bird lasted less than an hour before he rearranged his afternoon meeting and flew home to nest for the day.

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 **FIN.**


End file.
